My photos started out well yesterday. I had this big plan for colour and light.
I made a classy shot of the air hose from the pump drying out by the fire. When cold (air) hits heat (steam from hot milk) we get condensation in the lines. Which results in water in the pump (bad). 
Then the Kiwi Builder working out in the snow flurries.
Yes, I know these snow flurries are hard to see. But we have had so little snow this season, that a thick flurry made me all giddy with excitement.
Then I did one of those astounding quick changes from the blimp in many layers to svelte like lady about town out to get her blood drawn. (laugh) This process, not the quick change the blood letting, should only have taken an hour. Plenty of time for more artsy images later I thought.
Anyway I arrived at the duly appointed hour, the blood gathering was in the gym at the local high school and the blood letters were short staffed, every step took a terribly long time – much to my delight because I was reading Wolf Hall (still working my way down our reading list). I have big fat veins, excellent blood pressure and tons of iron. Good girl, the ladies in the white coats said. You make our job easy. I smiled gracefully and turned a page.
Later I was directed to a table with a whole bevy of high school student hand maidens whose job it was to make sure that I ate and drank something and did not faint where I sat or leave too early and faint in the car park (like I am the fainting type!) whereas in fact they seemed to be doing an awful lot of eating and drinking themselves and we got to talking about the Shush Sisters. As you would!
Well lo and behold I discovered a beautiful young high school senior who is perfectly capable of Artificially Inseminating (AI) Charlotte, she will assist with any birthing problems, do all the icky castrating and ear piercing and lives on the ridge 5 minutes from our house! She told me where I could get all the necessaries and will pop in later in the week to have a look at the pigs. Her mother is the Ag teacher! Plus, bless her, she can understand every word I say! I told her I need her to mentor me through the whole process and how do I know when the pig is in heat, how long does the semen last, do I need to buy straws? Papettes, she said, as she laid her hand across her mouth so as not to laugh too loud, leaning back and refolding her long legs. “I am serious”, I said. “I need to learn all this stuff. You are going to be my teacher. And I will pay you.”
Oh no, she shook her head. “It is better” I said. “You deserve to be paid for a job. And then I can ask you to do it again, if it doesn’t work the first time.”
“I would much prefer a virgin birth, just as long as I get my babies” I raised my voice as I looked up, nodding Hullo to the Principal as he stumbled past, shaggy eyebrows raised. Eye contact slurring to the right. ”And I will pay you to do the castrating too, girls probably do a much better job of that I would say” I watched his back straighten. My own hand to my own mouth this time. We all silently giggled as he shot out of the gym and down the hall.
I turned back to the growing crowd of students.
‘Could you pass me another cupcake, please?’ I said. They passed me two, and loaded their plates with the rest, looking at each other with clear dancing eyes.
So there we are, we don’t have to separate Charlotte from Sheila and load her into the trailer and take her over to see a nasty bad tempered boar with no time for niceties and probably bad breath. We have a girl for that now!
Another word for ‘inexplicably demoted’ is Plutoed. Because that is what they did to Pluto. They demoted that poor unsuspecting planet. So I will have to call the swine herd and tell him he has been Plutoed. He won’t mind as long as I come to visit once in a while. I will take my girl.
So our first task is to work out when Charlotte is in heat. More to learn. Excellent.
Good morning darlings. I got home by 4 O’clock. Just in time to rip all my tidy clothes off, relayer my body in teenage boys hand me downs, the clown suit, thermal boots, wooly hat and two pairs of gloves and launch out into the afternoon to do the chores.
It was dead calm all day yesterday. Still below freezing but not even terribly cold. A good day. Today is going to be a wee bit warmer, the sunrise is a little earlier and the sunset a little later. Things are looking up. We are looking up. All of us. You too. We may hit the gutter sometimes but we never stop looking up to the stars. The stars are beautiful way out here.
Have a lovely day.
celi
As the mother of one who’s had two transfusions and will have more I thank you big veined, iron filled non fainter
Iron Filled Non Fainter!! .. (laughter).. you are most welcome.. c
Oh Miss C… I do love your writing. It quite often makes me feel a little emotional, even when you’re not saying anything sad. How can this be? And how wonderful about the girl who can help with the pigs – that is instant karma in action, I think?
Too funny you and that principal! We have snow on the ground this morning…..boo! Morning miss c….t
I have big garden hose veins as well, and it is a blessing indeed. Glad to hear you’re putting them to good use, and picking up allies along the way!
Donated blood once …. blood pressure and blood sugar took a huge dive, told never to come back again
Aw shucks, I was looking forward to another relayed Hahg Farmer conversation – these are always good for a good laugh. Happy that Charlotte can be attented to at home with less stress for everybody all round. We are melting in 35C today, wish I could send you some heat – or you send me some snow 
Enjoy your day. Laura
Excellent news
It always amazes me how we end up in the places we are meant to be, meeting the folks we are ment to meet at just the right moment.
I bet moe than one of your male readers will flinch, wince, or gasp ever-so-slightly just before you write of the principal as he “shot out of the gym.” Too funny, Celi!
This is Karma, the universe repaying you for donating blood. How fantastic!
Now, a question. You mention the young woman being able to understand you. Will I need to find an app to translate from Kiwi to Yank when you visit Chicago? I’ll be heading to a bookstore later today and will see what they have in their Foreign Language section.
Have a great day today, Celi!
You are too funny!!! And I never for a moment thought you would not be able to understand me not even thinking that we have only every corresponded in writing! Fantastic! c
Well, well, I did not expect this outcome to your conversation with those teenage girls. Just look where things lead when you are the friendly sort. I bet that principal is still shaking his head.
Oh, the stars in the prairie sky…you are making me homesick this morning.
Only you… ;-D
I’m so happy for the Shush Sisters! Amazing serendipity!
Leave it to you Celi, to turn your bloodletting into an adventure and an opportunity I am proud to know you! And lucky Charlotte! I am also glad to hear we have warmer temps coming our way. It was 0 this morning, here and only 5 F now. The woodstove is cranking and we are trying to stay warm. I just finished a book you could add to your list if it isn’t there already: The Hand That First Held Mine” by Maggie O’Farrell. Really really good.
I shall pop it on the list.. I am always grateful for a book recommendation! Thank you Maggie! c
A virgin birth: Is that honestly what it’s called? I had great fun reading this one, c. Good morning to you and the farmy, and keep warm!
Well she would still be a virgin – technically! (laughter!) c
Celi you are naughty! I can just see you and that bunch of teen-age girls delighting in making that principal wince. I have to laugh because every male I know flinches when the conversation about castration comes around. Fantastic that you found the help you needed right up the ridge. (I didn’t realize you had ridges. It looks so flat there!)
Have a great day and enjoy the warm up. We’re at 17F feels like 1F and should hit 22F today. And it’s snowing!!! About 1 1/2″ so far. Yippee!
I call it the ridge with tongue in cheek, it is more of a slight rise.. Wow and you are getting snow, i wish i did get your left over weather!.. c
Just when I think I understand farmy life you throw another lesson my way. Now I am learning about pigs, insemination and blood donations. This is now a science blog!
I try not to get too graphic! Don’t want to weird you out!!! c
Lol, I love second hand clothes from my kids! They buy the coolest stuff, and the boy’s t-shirts are wonderfully huge! We call them hand-me-ups since clearly I’m on the top of the pyramid here.
if a woman can do a man’s job…all the better! good for the piggies too. i am so disappointed that our big storm never materialized. we are due for about 3 inches. there is still plenty of winter left so i can still hope!
I am right there hoping with you! c
Hope it works out better than the AI on our goatie girls!
I wish I’d been a fly on the wall listening to your delicious discussion with the girls about virgin berth and castration! with the principle coming by…. and Celi looking guileless!
I’d love to give blood, but they won’t take mine any more, since I had hepatitis twice.
As you say, it’s a wonderful way to give to charity!
Good luck with the soon to be embryonic piglets….
It is true, my eyes widen with innocence. i practice! c
Only you can make donating blood seem fun! I dread it and only do it if it’s absolutely necessary. Luckily I have a very common blood type so no one is missing out on much. Tony’s blood is rare, but now they won’t let him donate because he lived in Europe during such and such a date. Weird?
Anyway, I’m so happy there won’t be a boar! That would be traumatic for all of us!
I was definitely putting off the boar, but now I have to get even more in tune with the pigs and the ordering of the test tube! There is a timing issue here I have not quite worked out! cc
Oh Celi, your parting words are lovely. <3 And I'm sure the high school principal has heard it all, though that was a funny conversation to hear in passing.
you never know what you will find at the Blood Donation Store…well worth the visit ( in two ways) and I am sure that Charlote will apprecaite all the help that she can get
Those are wonderful news for Charlotte!
See, ASK and it shall be given! YIPPEEE! Now you have a lovely teacher, the kids have a lovely exotic new friend, they also have a adult who is very interested in agriculture, dresses smart and also does her own work. What a cool role model you are! Two Thumbs up, my friend! Two Thumbs up!!!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com
You crack me up, c, I bet you emphasized the “castrate” word for good effect! Isn’t it funny how we meet the people we need to meet.. at just the right moment? xx
Brilliant Cinders, just brilliant!! What goes around, comes around aye??
A great chance encounter. And all because you are giving so generously of your life-s blood. Having had several transfusions in my time, I thank you from the bottom of my (dodgy) heart.
A brilliant and funny post! Am I being dim, but what are papettes (or is it really, really rude?!). Used to give blood all the time in the UK but they don´t want it in Spain as I lived in the UK during the Mad Cow disease outbreak. Big Man still “moos” at me occasionally
Oh that is too awful.. we were asked a question about that too, but just dates I did not realise the significance until now, that would cut out an awful lot of people! c
I am officially a Mad Cow!
Moo!! (Big Man made me do it!! ) c
You do have a wicked sense of humour Celi. The principal will probably cover his important parts when he meets you again. Brilliant that the Shush sisters won’t be separated and there won’t be any blind dates in the future. I am also reading Wolf Hal. Why am I not surprised! Keep warm. XXOO
Wow, I am really enjoying the language in Wolf Hall and if we don’t meet in this life iIwill be very much surprised, we will probably walk into the same cafe, carrying the same book, with matching scarves and socks or something! c
Having spent 20 years with 4-H and FFA kids, it doesn’t surprise me that a teenaged girl can do all this. These are two programs we need to support to make sure we don’t all turn into a bunch of suburbanites who have no practical knowledge. Good luck with your project.
The local FFA kids are great and they have a super motivated teacher.. c
What a great day! It wasn’t too cold, and you spent it with clever teenagers who are coming to help. You might need to start baking cupcakes, Celi!
i have never made a decent cupcake in my life, I carefully followed one of Tandy’s recipes the other day and even they would not behave for me! c
Brownies, then?
You know you’ve got to feed teenagers, Celi.. 
It all soundsf quite gruesome but if you re having fun then that is all that counts. I especially enjoyed the girls eating all the refreshments!!
I am feeding the feral poultry of Rarotonga at this very moment.
Oh Rarotonga! Awesome! Welcome to the farmy!! c
If you can see the stars, you know it’ll be OK
Never defeated! Always victorious! Our heroine continues to have lip breaking words spilling out of her mouth, words even pigs would like, especially if they knew they were being saved from horror.
I’ve found using the flash helps the flurries show up, I was experimenting just yesterday!
PS. I’ve always felt sorry for Pluto.
Oh what fun you’ve had! I remember the Women’s Weekly used to have a little column called ‘Over the tea cups’ – gossip, handy hints etc. Well you could start another one ‘Over the blood lines’, or maybe ‘Over the cup cakes’. Women from time immemorial have exchanged important information while eating, drinking, cooking, quilting etc etc. And so there is to be a virgin birth! I had a good laugh at this post and hope you are feeling a tad warmer too.
my pig book says you will know when your pig is on heat because she will let you lean heavily on her back, I suspect they are thinking of pigs that are less friendly than ours, Charlotte and Baby probably wouldn’t care if you rode around on their backs!
This is so true, I could lie on that pigs back, but I guess if you press and they stand still. We will give it a crack though. c
Am laughing my head off! Brilliant! But methinks it is ‘pipettes’ not ‘papettes’, and these are narrow, long glass tubes: you may call them glass straws? I feel sorry for Pluto too [hmm, there goes some of my school learning!] but I think you are more than happy about the Plutoeing
! And I would have stressed ‘castrating’ too . . . . . 
!
ah thank you Eha, I should have done my research Pipettes! Poor old Pluto.. even the planets are not safe! c
A big thanks to you for donating blood a very precious commodity. I feel like I have so much to learn about farm life, all the terms and such. Thank goodness you are there to help us all sort that out.
I like the idea of Charlotte retaining her virtue, too.
Too funny about the principal. When we had Winston, our mini donk castrated ‘my John’ who is a big burly guy had an absolutely horrified look on his face. Our little petite equine vet tried telling him that Winston would have a much more peaceful and happier life but I don’t think John agreed. Also, I have found the 4H kids to be as a whole wonderful kids, what a great organization.
I’m in east central Wisconsin, it got to the teens yesterday and today, way better than the high of +1 we had on Mon & Tues!