grizzle, drizzle, fizzle

I am getting tired, feeding kittens all through the nights for the last wee while is taking its toll. And I am afraid we are going to lose the middle kitten too. I have done everything I can, but yesterday he began to fail and sit hunched over, although I feed him tiny drinks frequently he is not choosing to eat now. I have to force him to drink now.unning-002

The Marmalade kitten, who arrived big and strong and loud is streaking ahead. I am considering the possibility that he is older than the others and  not even from the same litter. The little fella is voracious and has never looked back. He has a big thirst for life.  We should applaud this but always we feel sad for the little sick ones. Our failures loom into our bright successes blocking out their sun.

unning-005

I feel I am letting you down when we were so high on the delight of it – rescuing these wee cats and now things are going wrong. I spoke to the vet and as usual he asks a few questions and says  - Just keep doing what you are doing and see how he is tomorrow.

unning-007

So tomorrow I am taking the day off from the blog. I need to regroup and find my happy again.  I have not even had time to answer all your glorious comments – I do apologise. It is not only the cats, I think I am tired and achy and aimed straight at a Washing Basket Moment if I don’t give myself a stern talking to. Did I mention that cats make my nose run, my eyes itch and my head hurt? This is why I don’t have inside cats anymore. I have worked hard this summer, filling the freezers and cellar with food, winter is coming and I am not ready.  I need to get the tractor out tomorrow and concentrate on the barn and bringing the ark across and work on the gardens and shift the pig fence.  Already I feel better confessing this all to you. Writing lists helps they say.

I hope you all have a good day.

I promise to be back on form tomorrow.

love your friend, celi.

ps, Just out of interest here is the Daily View exactly a year ago. Here is the walkabout post from that day. I need to mow the lawns as well.

walkabout-046

And this post is from two years ago.  Ah yes we go back that far many of you and I.

c

 

64 thoughts

  1. You’ve tried so hard. Sometimes our best is not enough and nature takes its course. Have a piping hot cup of tea and a good rest.

  2. I will never forget the washing basket. And it is at times like this that we all love you the most, I think it is safe to say. We’re not here because we want you to put on a brave show for us. We just want to be taken along with you, come what may.

  3. Courage. What will be will be, and you’ve done your best to produce the best outcome. You’ve worked so hard and write such wonderful posts, I wish I could give you a hug to help you feel better. Kate

  4. Rather than giving yourself a stern talking to … give yourself some love or pampering :) Really, tired is not good, and we should be striving to reach the heights and excellent example you set. Do what you have to at your own pace and we will be here waiting when you are ready. Laura

  5. It is difficult with rescuing orphans, or healing the injured when there can be little or no communication or understanding. It always broke my heart to lose little orphans, or to realize an injury could not be healed for some wild animal who needed help. Doing your best with a loving heart is all that is required really. We often wonder the “whys” of nature, but it is not so different than the things we question of our own lives. Try to think of the gift these wee kittens offered all of us… moments of delight in front of the lens of your camera, bringing exposure to the gift of life – regardless of how long that lasts, and reminding us that our loving and caring hands do make a difference in the world. I think of you with love this morning Celi, and send positive energy your way.

  6. Be kind to yourself today. I think it is amazing that you write to us every day and acknowledge our comments. Takes real commitment. When all else fails, go hug a dog or two or three (it works for me and the girls dont mind getting hugs they didn’t expect :) Joy

  7. Dearest Celi
    Please don’t feel too sad…we must remember the kitties had a very rough start to begin with, many strikes against them at the start. You have done everything possible to recover them but sometimes it is just too late to undo previous damage in such tiny little bodies. It’s time for you to give your mind and body a little rest…what will be, will be…….not every battle can be won. And if Marmalade thrives and grows…well that’s just a huge accomplishment! We all wish we could be there to help you, dear friend……:)

  8. As I said about kitten one, you gave them joy in this world that they wouldn’t have had otherwise…you and Boo. And joy to us, as those commenting already have said. Now it’s time for you to rest and I hope in time get some pampering, too. You work so hard and are “on” every waking minute of the day. Even the strongest, most hard working and productive living thing needs time “off,” be it plant, animal or human. It’s been a rougher year for you so far, it seems to me, in that there have been lots of hard decisions and some losses within that, in addition to so many projects and more responsibility with your animals. And still every day you are here with us, to tell us about it all, and we are grateful. But we all understand if you need a day, maybe more, just to regroup. We will all be here cheering you on. :)

  9. I felt that tug at my heart, and it wasn’t from the cats. I reckon you need to accept that you can’t do everything, c, and if it’s not finished/done then it just wasn’t meant to be done right now.

  10. Take a blog break. I now your heart is heavy as is your soul over the loss and illness of the kitties. Mowing can wait. God and mother nature let the grass grow so sometimes – we just need to let it be.

    As for letting anyone down, you definitely need to put that thought away. We ache with you and we celebrate with you = we are friends of the electronic kind = but still friends. Hugs, and prayers from Texas.

  11. You, my dear C, deserve to take some time for yourself, to recoup, to rest, to reflect. You work so hard and give the Farmy your all because you care so deeply and believe. But there must be a balance. And that you recognize that is a good thing. Sweet dreams, darling. We will always be here for you, no matter the mood.

  12. HI Celi! I agree with RecyclerSA. Please do take care of YOU! I would much rather you take time for yourself, take a long bath, go out somewhere with Our John and relax and regroup. I don’t like the thought at all of you heading for a Washing Basket Moment. That makes me…well, no doubt all of us sad. Take time for yourself. We will always be here loving you! xo

  13. Dear Celi, when you need a washing basket moment, go ahead and take one — this, too, will pass. By sharing Boo’s kittens with us, you have extended and multiplied the joy their lives have given you and Boo. Boo’s kittens have generated so much delight and compassion in our lives and their lives, however short, were better for your care — even the littlest one took some steps and had the comfort of its siblings and surrogate Mom. As someone said above, each of us needs rest — that’s what sleep is for. Rest up and we’ll see you when we see you. Love, Sharyn

  14. You can only do what is possible and I’m sure you’ll do everything you can :-)
    Apparently litters of kittens can have different fathers. When a female cat is in heat it will allow all male suitors.

  15. I just have to ask – are the kittens, um, eliminating as they need to? Sometimes a momma cat will lick the kittens bellies and butts to sort of get them going – you can do this with a terry cloth washrag… but I’m sure you know all this. Hang in there… and take care of yourself!!

  16. Things are not going wrong – they are going as they will go. Those who live on farms see and understand more about life than those stuffed in concrete boxes or neat suburbs. Life is real – no glossing over.
    It’s a mother human thing to struggle past abilities and suffer over what cannot be controlled or meant to be. Mothers can’t help but try and make it right – of course that’s why they are moms.
    HUGS. May riding a tractor around soothe and sew you back into the cloth of life. “Good mom. Good mom”, all the creatures are sending that to you today and always.

  17. Oh Celi :( I have been totally overwhelmed like that before. I was physically tired, emotionally drained, and injured. My physical therapist told me I *had* to slow down – I CAN’T! I replied. There was no one else to carry on, and other lives depended on me. I would cry as I carried out my chores. This went on for months… but not forever. Please do drop what you CAN drop… like us… for a while. We’ll be here when you get back.

  18. You just cannot do more than your best. It is sad that another may die bug it is not your fault…so stop blaming yourself…..
    I said weeks ago about how much you achieve in a day and I also suggested that slowing down would be good before you make yourself ill….SO…..listen to Nanny Patrecia alias misswhiplash..Stop, slow down….. We all love you Celi but would rather not have an ill Celi..xxxxxx

  19. From one of the Farmy Lurkers…I am grateful that you share your lovely (and sometimes unlovely) life with us. I am grateful that you give your heart so freely, yet so wisely, to the animals of the Farmy. I am grateful to be able to share in the joys and tragedies of the Farmy because of your writing. I hope you will care for yourself as you would care for a wee kitten. I am grateful for the gift of you.

  20. I feel as all of the others do, worried about you. I remember hearing that if a mother and child are on a plane when the oxygen masks drop, the mom MUST put her own mask on first IN ORDER TO HELP THE CHILD, even though her instinct is to put the child’s mask on the child first.
    You must take a big-ass washing basket day for Cecelia. Your mental, emotional and physical health depends on it.
    Love and hugs galore!

  21. Never letting us down, but teaching us as you go too! I worked for a vet clinic and sometimes these things happen for no reason we can fix! *hugs* I know it’s heart breaking, but it is NOT YOU.

  22. “When I see I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I see I am everything, that is love. My life is a movement between these two.” ~ Nisargidatta Maharaj

    You are wise and you are love. That is enough.

  23. You could never let us down!
    Sit down and have a good cry Celi, wasting basket moments are the kind that keep us all sane.
    It’s sad about the little cat, but he has been treasured by so many people – he would be astonished to know just how many. I hope he can find his own patch of warmth and sunshine. XO

  24. Oh, I am so sorry. We all know know how hard you and Boo have tried. Now is the time to stop and recharge your batteries and then continue on. I think we have all been there in one form or another. The kittens are living in love and caring. If they don;t make it they will have not died a cold cruel death. They knew a loving, caring human. Can we ask anything more? Yes, you are amazing

  25. Better to have tried than not with the kittens but it must be bloody frustrating to be so close and do so much, and yet…
    We are in the unusual position of being close to your life, but not actually in it; a virtual neighborhood. Would that it could be otherwise. The ability to teleport and pop in and give you a hand would be lovely.
    All our kind thoughts are with you :)

  26. So sorry to read this, Celi. You did at least as much for those 2 as any vet would have done. It just wasn’t meant to be. Why not take a couple days off? Take a break and get some rest. We’ll be here when you get back.

  27. I am so sorry Celi, you did as much as you could and you gave the weaker kittens a bit more life than they would have otherwise experienced. You are a lovely person and we’ll all be here for you when you feel well enough to return. I’m with John, you need to be well.

  28. You don’t need to answer us, you don’t need to be there for us every day — we’re here for you and the farmy and you’re there for the farmy and your loved ones. That’s enough….stay strong. You can’t be superwoman every day…save it for, say, every Tuesday ;)

    • Oh C. Again I cannot say anymore than the rest of our Fellowship nor more eloquently…just hope you can feel all the love and hugs that have come your way today!
      You could never let us down! Now please take care of yourself….we need you!

  29. The biggest hug across the Pacific and the Rockies and all the land in between! Agree with Chgo John ~ we’ll be here . . . go let the sun and the wind act as a balm, put a tick to some of the work still necessary for winter and write again a few days down the track . . oh my, hasn’t the Daily View changed ~ beautiful!!

  30. Dear Celi, I hope it’s several days before you get back to reading all these comments. I do hope, like everyone else, that you get some long sleeps, long rests, and long relaxing time doing NOthing for a few days… after all that giving, you need to give to yourself,
    much love from New Zealand

  31. Celi, have a good rest and retreat, and you don’t have to promise to be ANYTHING the next day.
    Whatever you are is just right. You are depleted right now. No need to be upbeat. (Even when you are downbeat you are more upbeat than most people.)
    I send you the tides of the ocean, with all of their wisdom, coming in and going out, coming in and going out. Your tide is out right now. Let it be. Lots of love.

  32. We always cheer for the underdog (or undercat) and hope they can win their race. But many feedings day and night have to be hard on you, as you always have more than enough on your plate. We appreciate your efforts to help these little ones who would not have had a fighting chance, otherwise. But you must take care of you, to be able to care for every other living thing on your farmy. Sending hugs, too.

  33. Yes, as Bulldog says…..take a rest.
    (& perhaps the kittens were ‘premature’ and there was no humicrib to pop them straight in to, so by the time you got to them, they were already on the down wood spiral).

    You can’t do better than your best. Perhaps it’s time to ‘let go’ and allow Nature to take it’s course.

  34. Take YOUR time my friend – you have a punishing schedule that most of us, if not all of us would struggle with. I know you introduced the kitties, I know you shared them with us, took on another project, but you can only do what you can do. Don’t feel responsible AT ALL for us. You are doing your best and that’s what counts. xxx – there you go you got three kisses today :)

  35. Bless you dear, tired, Celi. I really hope you’ll listen to your fatigue and rest as much as is possible, given the load of responsibilities that can’t be pushed aside. One of my most recent lessons came in the form of a bad fall, because I didn’t pay attention to the voice I’d already heard telling me to slow down. I hate it when that voice is right and I didn’t listen! :-) So listen, please. And as everyone else has said, we aren’t going anywhere. We just want you to be well. ox Debra

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