When are we going to get back to dining out in New Zealand? and Netball! and the New Zealand Food? Soon, Soon darling.
The 100th Post needs to be noted. This is a milestone. I need to thank you all for building with me this far. I love working with you guys. In fact the Blog World is not so scary. It cuts through the loneliness of the prairie. And I have encountered such kindness. I love kind people.
And today ( as a wee gift) I shall share with you my NINE favourite ways of moving a telemarketer along! I cannot tell you number TEN – it is too bad).
Each of these is guaranteed to make the telemarketer (poor fellow) HANG up on YOU! 
1. Now for this one hold the phone away from your ear and call out to an imaginery person away from the phone. Honey? Honey are you there? The phone is making the whining noises again. I can’t hear anything except the whine? (to phone) Are you there? Are you there? (back out) Nothing Honey, I can’t hear anything.. ( click)
2. Hullo, yes it is I, Mrs Smith. And you are? Mary. Hullo Mary. Oh wait, Mary, how do I spell your name?.. M A R Y .. oh good and your surname?.. J O N E S. Thank you. Now what was the name of the company. OK can you spell all that out for me.. and the address Mary. I need their address too .. can you spell that? and so on and so forth.. (click).
3. Now, I love this one, this is my personal favourite. Hullo. Yes this is Mrs Smith. Who am I speaking to? Oh Mary. Is that you Mary? Mary Jones? Really! Mary Jones from school. Oh My God. Mary, Mary how are you? I haven’t seen you in ages! Oh wow, this is so exciting. Did you hear about my Mum, No?.. really didn’t your Mum tell you? She was arrested! How crazy is that, well evidently she was on her cell phone. Oh Mary, this is such a long story but you will love it. She was on her cell and had nothing to write on so she wrote on the wall with chalk and was arrested for graffiti- ing! And they put her in a paddy wagon and then.. (click)
4. Another favourite. Though not John’s. Oh you want Mr Smith. Oh I am so sorry dear, he is dead, in fact he just died .. we are waiting for the priest. (click)
5. Or (and this one is such fun).. tell Mary the telemarketer all about your husband /wife who is a hideous drunk and never comes home , won’t let you have the check book, won’t bring in the wood, leaves a mess in the bathroom, drops his towels all over, won’t share the dog, hates everything you cook.. Go to town make up all kinds of graphic stuff.. (click)
6. This is my fall back one when I am feeling lazy.. pretend to be the housekeeper with limited english. So sorry I no understanding!! I do this one ALL the TIME!.
7. Oh this is awesome! Put on a really posh Personal Assistant voice ( I am really good at this one) and say .. Oh you would like to speak with Mrs Smith? Oh (posh pause) Well are you on The List dear? You know you cannot talk to her unless you are on the List! Well I am so sorry Mary, but I cannot find you in the book! Can I put you on hold? (click)
8. This one I used ten minutes ago. Are you there? I am sorry I can’t hear you? Are you there? Darling is that you? I am so sorry, I can’t hear you, call back honey. I am so sorry I did not mean any of it really, it was not my fault, I am so sorry. Call me back, call me back (click)
9. My all time favorite! Oh Mary, I am so sorry but this is a bad time – Can I have your home phone number so that I can call you back when you are having your dinner?
These poor chappies and chapesses are only doing their job so we must not be cruel. Well, not much. AND they will be as mystified as you are at any given moment.
HEY thanks for reading! Big huge 100 posts, 13,000 hits in three months, I won’t go into details and all that but thanks for all the comments, I love chatting with you and also if you want to steal the thread. GO FOR IT! And again Love, love the chats. Have fun..
Remember it is a journey, not a destination!
Is that a combine harvester in the field next door!?
Tomorrow.. Netball! PROMISE!
c
The Kitchen's Garden 
79 responses to “100th Post in the middle of NZ week.”
Most of our telemarketing calls are from the schools my step-children attended. The caller is always some freshman, with a timid voice doing fundraising. Hubby is brutally funny , as they always call when he’s had a glass or three of wine, right before dinner…they never know what to think!
Congrats on your 100th, and looking forward to the next!
Oh no.. that is so Unfair, using kids to do the calling! so much harder to have fun with! c
OMG! You’re a hoot! You must be soo much fun to hang out with!! Caller ID stops me from picking up on of THOSE calls, but now I certainly have alot of good come backs in case I accidently pick up a telemarketer!! Congrats on the 100th post! I truly enjoy reading your posts and sharing in your life!
We can’t have caller ID because those phones ARE our phones and they do not need electricity but have no answer machine or caller ID.. so I never know who is calling! c
Congrats! 100 posts is a great milestone! And what a great list. I always use the phone going dead excuse and try to hang up mid-sentence.
Oh yummy, phone going dead is great, hullo?, hullo?, hullo sorry dead phone, (click).. great! c
CONGRATULATIONS! This is huge, but not a surprise. You are an amazing writer, story teller and cook, so hello?
This morning I woke up and said “man, I have to take the photo for Celi…” Here it is. http://bluejellybeans.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/e02.jpg
Obviously I removed everything inappropriate (cigarettes, video games, DS, PSP…)
Enjoy your day!
You are so funny! Now I shall zoom over and see what you forgot to remove! c
That is a great space.. with that big window and are those sculptures outside the window? You have the perfect desk for writing.. and it is suspiciously shiny!! Now I can have a picture of where you are when you write, in my head when i read!! Thank you Giovanna.. c
Upps! You got me 😉
I need to clean it before taking the picture; you can’t imagine how it looks in reality…
Those are little sculptures, yes. Two birds from Holland and an ancient Iron machine.
Thanks c. Enjoy your weekend.
Congratulations on your milestone. Well deserved! I’m afraid that I’m far grumpier than you. I can’t be bothered to waste my time, so I either hang-up immediately or just set the handpiece on the desk and walk away from it. No one rings me during the day anyway, except Mr. Misk, and he’ll usually ring my mobile if the landline is engaged. Very good though! 😀
Ha ha ha that is great, just put the phone down and walk away!! cruel! c
100 posts in three months?! Nice! It took me about a year to accomplish that 😉 Your telemarketing tips are funny. We really do not receive many calls like that, thankfully. It must be a dying career.
One would hope so Mrs Wife.. though i have heard that a lot of it is contracted out to third world countries and they are literally sitting in markets and malls where there is are a few phones set up.. c
I must use these on the bill collectors! That’s the only calls I get. Otherwise I am on the do not call list. Just add .com to that and sign on no more phone hassles.
Congrats on your 100th post!
Thank you harold, but if I took the fun out of my telemarketer calls then I would get no calls at all! c
Give us all you number! We will all call you!!! 🙂
Harold!! You are so funny! c
Hilarious! I haven’t received a telemarketer phone call in years as I don’t have a land line any more. I’d love using these lines though.
It is a bit of fun! c
Priceless! You are such a card! I love your blogs! I’ll have to remember some of your lines!
Let me know if they work, the trick is to get the telemarketer to hang up on YOU!! c
CONGRATULATIONS on your 100th post! And so MANY visitors!! Entirely deserved on your part, of course. I’m delighted for you! 🙂
Thank you kathryn, It is exciting and a bit wild all at the same time.. I mean that many eyes!! c
Congrats to you and such a funny post. Most people calling me in Spain get a hint of my non Spanish accent and just hang up on me!
BONUS!! c
Happy posting century. My favourite hangup line is number 9. If Jock picks up the phone, he says “Je ne parle pas bien Français. Ici ma femme, que parle très bien” and then I get the phone thrust at me. I speak another language afterwards: bad language.
Seems there are a few of you chappies about! And I bet his french is top notch too! Tricky fellow.. c
Hi Cecilia. Congratulations on your 100th post. Looking forward to the next 100 and more! Such a funny post.
Regards Florence x
Congratulations on your 100th post. Way number nine made me laugh out loud!