I know I was going to talk with you about the chooks/chickens/hens. But before I go there: I am sorry to do this to all my readers who are in the winter on the other side of the world shivering quietly in your corners but evidently it is going to be Really HOT here this week. Everyone is talking about the heat index here. So I thought I would too. But I was not sure what it means so I looked it up in good old Wikipedia:
The heat index (HI) is an index that combines air temperature and relative humidity in an attempt to determine the human-perceived equivalent temperature .. blah blah blah..
In other words : if you feel hot, the heat index tells you that you don’t feel hot enough yet and you should be feeling hotter!
So, an Excessive Heat Warning is in effect for central Illinois from today until Friday. They are predicting 115F (46C) or something. Anyway it is going to be a wee bit Hot here for the next week, and we are all supposed to be scorched right into the ground if we go outside. We are to make frequent checks on the elderly or people without airconditioning. And that would be us without the air-conditioning.
So I thought I would share with you the 10 things I do to keep cool in a heatwave without airconditioning.
1.Get up really, really early and do as much as you can BEFORE the sun comes up. It is always cooler in the dark. Carry a torch. Work in your nightie. Wear your gumboots. Do not leap with fright when a heavy breathing sheep appears out of the dark to see what you are doing filling up the water troughs at 4 am in the morning and dumping loose salt into buckets. Open all the gates that lead into the shade. Do not let the ram in with your ewes by mistake though and then run around in the dark without a torch, wishing you had put on your gumboots and trying to sort it all out again before something dreadful occurs.
2. As the day goes on do NOT look at the temperature. Turn off any media devices that may shout out the temperature. Banish all temperature guages. If you are surprised by a weather report put your hands over your ears and makes loud mumbly noises. Knowing it is hot makes you hotter. You do NOT want to know!
3. Put the sprinkler on TOP of your house and make some rain. Just the sound of rain on your roof makes you cooler.
4. Eat really COLD watermelon, on the verandah, sweating gently in front of a fan. The fan cools the sweat on your miserable body. You may idly spit the seeds into the garden to amuse yourself.
5. Avoid any alcoholic drink unless it is really cold beer. Put an UMBRELLA in it. An umbrella makes the drink taste colder. However if your husband comes in with the last pick of the peaches and begs you to drink fresh peach daiquiri’s you may have one or maybe two. You do not need an umbrella for the daiquiri. Though a lime is nice.
6. Embrace the heat, think of it as an extended steam treatment for your skin. Sweating is good. Think of the impurities you are sweating out and the weight loss. There has to be weight loss. I am sure I read that somewhere. Maybe you could wrap yourself up in rags like a mummy or smear yourself in mud or something and pretend you are at a spa. Or do that mad yoga thing that they do in really hot rooms! Please check with your doctor first. My doctor, who I have not seen now for twenty years or something, said NO.
7. Take any footwear off your feet – that includes the heels. (What were you thinking?) Take all your closefitting clothing OFF and put on a really big bad taste Hawaiian shirt, (ask your brother-in-law for one I bet he has dozens hidden in the back of his wardrobe) then suitably attired, go and lie in the hammock, under a mosquito net and refer to line 1 of Instruction 6.
8. Drink water. Tons of it. The loo is usually the coolest spot in the house anyway, so pour that water down your throat! If you have not peed for an hour you are dehydrating. Your brain is beginning to shrivel up. Your skin is beginning to sag. Drink more! I drink my water out of a wine glass, for some reason I drink more when it is in a wine glass.
9. Lay about in the pool. Pretend you are cleaning it for the whole afternoon. If you don’t have a pool – SHIFT! Wear suntan lotion, a sunhat and sunglasses IN the pool. Remember NO suntan lotion is waterproof that is a lie! Or better still float a really big sun umbrella (not the umbrella from your drink) in the pool. I am not sure exactly how you should do this but I think it is a great idea! Oh and do NOT dry off after a swim, this is always a mistake.
10. DO NOT SAY.. “God, I am hot” because The Gods will make it hotter just where you are sitting. You will be in an oozing puddle of hotness. Instead say, ” you know I think it is starting to cool off.” and if anyone says anything to the contrary refer to Instruction 2.
There. Don’t we all feel better already.
(Here is a picture of some little chicks for you. These guys will hang out under the big trees all day with their mama. They are part of the barn flock. Very sadly their daddy (Rooster 3 who is camera shy) has feathers on his feet, so they will eventually have feathers on their feet too, which will make them look a bit silly. So far they are just cute.)
OK I am going to have another go at making mint sauce. The last one did not work. I will let you know when I find a recipe that is simple enough for me! Nothing like a hot kitchen on a hot day. Good for the skin. Actually I think it is cooling off already!!.
If you are in a hot place : well you know what to do. If you are in a cold place: thinking of US being in the hot place may or may not make you feel better about being in a cold place.
OK, now I promise I will start thinking about writing about the chickens, chooks and hens for next time.
PS If you want the recipes for anything I talk about leave me a comment and I will pop it in a Post for you!