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100th Post in the middle of NZ week.

When are we going to get back to dining out in New Zealand? and Netball! and the New Zealand Food? Soon, Soon darling.

The 100th Post needs to be noted.  This is a milestone.  I need to thank you all for building with me this far. I love working with you guys. In fact the Blog World is not so scary. It cuts through the loneliness of the prairie. And I have encountered such kindness. I love kind people.

And today ( as a wee gift) I  shall share with you my NINE favourite ways of moving a telemarketer along!   I cannot tell you number TEN – it is too bad).

Each of these is guaranteed to make the telemarketer (poor fellow) HANG up on YOU! 

1. Now for this one hold the phone away from your ear and call out to an imaginery person away from the phone.  Honey? Honey are you there? The phone is making the whining noises again. I can’t hear anything except the whine? (to phone) Are you there? Are you there? (back out) Nothing Honey, I can’t hear anything.. ( click)

2. Hullo, yes it is I, Mrs Smith. And you are? Mary. Hullo Mary. Oh wait, Mary, how do I spell your name?..  M A R Y .. oh good and your surname?..  J O N E S. Thank you.  Now what was the name of the company. OK can you spell all that out for me.. and the address Mary. I need their address too .. can you spell that? and so on and so forth.. (click).

3.   Now, I love this one, this is my personal favourite.   Hullo. Yes this is Mrs Smith. Who am I speaking to?  Oh Mary. Is that you Mary? Mary  Jones?  Really! Mary Jones from  school. Oh My God.  Mary, Mary how are you? I haven’t seen you in ages! Oh wow, this is so exciting.  Did you hear about my Mum, No?.. really didn’t your Mum tell you?  She  was arrested!  How crazy is that, well evidently she was on her cell phone. Oh Mary, this is such a long story but you will love it.  She was on her cell and had nothing to write on so she wrote on the wall with chalk and was arrested for graffiti- ing! And they put her in a  paddy wagon and then..  (click)

4. Another favourite. Though not John’s. Oh you want Mr Smith. Oh I am so sorry dear, he is dead, in fact he just died .. we are waiting for the priest. (click)

5. Or (and this one is such fun).. tell Mary the telemarketer all about your husband /wife who is a hideous drunk and never comes home , won’t  let you have  the check book, won’t bring in the wood, leaves a mess in the bathroom, drops his towels all over, won’t share the dog,  hates everything you cook..  Go to town make up all kinds of  graphic stuff.. (click)

6. This is my fall back one when I am feeling lazy.. pretend to be the housekeeper with limited english.  So sorry I no understanding!! I do this one ALL the TIME!.

7. Oh this is awesome! Put on a really posh Personal Assistant voice  ( I am really good at this one) and say .. Oh you would like to speak with  Mrs Smith? Oh  (posh pause) Well are you on The List dear? You know you cannot talk to her unless you are on the List! Well I am so sorry Mary, but I cannot find you in the book!  Can I put you on hold?  (click)

8. This one I used ten minutes ago. Are you there? I am sorry I can’t hear you?  Are you there? Darling is that you? I am so sorry, I can’t hear you, call back honey.  I am so sorry I did not mean any of it really, it was not my fault, I am so sorry. Call me back, call me back (click)

9. My all time favorite!  Oh Mary, I am so sorry but this is a bad time – Can I have your home phone number so that I can call you back when you are having your dinner?

These poor chappies and chapesses are only doing their job so we must not be cruel.  Well, not much. AND they will be as mystified as you are at any given moment.

HEY thanks for reading! Big huge 100 posts, 13,000 hits in three months, I won’t go into details and all that but thanks for all the comments, I love chatting with you and also if you want to steal the thread. GO FOR IT!  And again Love, love the chats.  Have fun..

Remember it is a journey, not a destination!

Is that a combine harvester in the field next door!?

Tomorrow.. Netball! PROMISE!

c

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79 responses to “100th Post in the middle of NZ week.”

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    • Oh Italian obscenities, I never thought of that one.. i will add it to my list!! I am making the apple pie today with the cheese pastry.. can’t wait !c

      Reply

      • This is too funny! I just got a telemarketer call and it appeared in my caller I.D. as “PHONE SCAM.” They must think I’m a special kind of stupid to answer a call with that identifier. Their calls will heretofore be blocked. Good luck with the pie!

        Reply

  7. My dad always used to try and make a deal with the telemarketers….I will consider purchasing your product, if you will buy 10 gallons of good Vermont Maple Syrup from me. He never did have any takers. Keep up the good work.

    Reply

  8. Well done, Cecilia! 1oo posts with 13 000 views says a lot about the quality of your postings.
    I find it tough to get rid of cold callers because their causes are usually worthy ones, even if they are not my priority. Telephone companies are a good target though.

    Reply

  9. My husband now just picks up the phone and the puts it straight back down again. It’s to avoid me having these kinds of conversations: (Please remember I am an Aussie living in China.)
    Jessica: Hello?
    Telemarketer: Wei? (The traditional Chinese greeting over the phone.)
    J: Hello?
    TM: Wei?
    J (gives up on the subtle English hint): Wei?
    TM: Wei nihao, (insert a good 30 seconds worth of unintelligible spiel without pause).
    J: Erm. Ni hui shuo Yingwen ma? (Translated: Do you speak English.)
    TM: Wei?
    J: Ni hui shuo Yingwen ma?
    TM: Wei?
    J: (sighs) Wei?
    TM: Wei nihao, (insert another 30 seconds worth of the SAME unintelligible spiel without pause).
    J: Wo ting bu dong (Translated: I don’t understand what you’re saying.)
    TM: Wei?
    J: Wo shi laowai. (Translated: I am a foreigner.)
    TM: …
    J: (holds head in hands…waiting for the inevitable– )
    TM: Wei?

    Then there was the time I had a full blown argument (in Chinese) with the person on the other end.
    ‘You can’t be a foreigner, you speak better Chinese than I do.’
    ‘And yet I don’t understand what you’re saying!’
    ‘Alright then, what country do you come from? How long have you been in China? See?! You understand that.’
    ‘Yes, but I don’t understand *the rest of what you are saying*.’

    And so now you know why my husband just picks up the phone and puts it straight back down again.

    Reply

  11. Congratulations on your 100th post C – I am looking forward to the next 100 and the next 100 and the next 100 – you get the pattern. 😀
    Aah, the painful telemarketers – I always ask them where they got my number (we are not listed) and this stumps them every time – that info is not part of their script that they have to read from.
    I do love no.9!
    Have a super weekend C.
    🙂 Mandy

    Reply

  13. Congratulations dear Cecilia, how nice to meet with you and how nice to read you! Thank you Word Press; Thank you for all these beautiful people; THANK YOU dear Cecilia… Your phone article made me smile… I have all kind of telephone in the home; like a museum. Some of them working still but mostly they are a dead… We can’t throw them away…. And yes, I wonder too your 10th 🙂 Blessing and Happiness, with my love, nia

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