It is hard to write a farm lifestyle blog without the life bit getting in the way sometimes.
And as you know I try to keep family business private. Especially if it is not my business. So please forgive me my absences.
Let me just say.
Don’t be mean spirited. A person is a multi faceted being. Fragile in body and spirit. Ask yourself; Is this kind.
When in crisis – stand still for a moment. Ask yourself: So what are the outstanding questions and unresolved issues?
Asking yourself questions is critical.
I say to anyone who is minding an elderly person that if they fall and are not injured get down on the floor with them, go through the questions and make a plan to get up. Make a plan. Call the person in charge. Make another plan to find out why they fell.
Then together go through the next set of questions you need to ask yourself that will lead you to the unresolved issues.
By looking for the questions then verbalizing the answers we find clarity. What should I do first. What are my next three steps. Should I apply a stroke list? Or injury check. Or just comfort. Does my person need to take a breath and gather herself. Is she panicked – how do I help with that?
Do we need an ambulance.
And someone has to run point. And that person has to know everything. So feed them all the information you have. I had three phone calls in the night about different issues pertaining to different members of my extended family. I am running point for three unresolved issues. I can supply the questions calmly. Then we will clearly see the issues that need a resolution. And make a plan.
My steps for every call: Be kind. Be clear. Be objective. Make a plan. Apply comfort often. (Don’t wait for a crisis to comfort a person either). Move fast. Ask ourselves – is this issue resolved. When I was nursing we would write ‘episode over’. If you cannot say that – make the next plan.
Remember: all plans are subject to change. It is the law of such things.
All your decisions have ramifications. So choose wisely. Be transparent. If someone offers to help take them up on it. Send them to your point person so they can be folded into a plan.
Just because a person is old does not mean they lose choices. Women get to control their own bodies even after those bodies begin to become old and unreliable. So listen to your persons wishes.
Ok- we have another day of it.
If you are the person running point – (in John’s family they call me the handmaiden) – carry water, eat good food, have an extra layer, take notes, share your notes, wear your metaphorical life jacket. Remember when you leave the house it might be hours before you get back. (Refer to Plans Change) So – make a plan for back up.
My biggest problem is keeping up with the needy meat chickens!
Life will do what it does. Keep your head up, and use all your senses to answer your questions. And stay alert – there might be a fucking tsunami barreling down the pike.
Love. Love.
Celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
47 responses to “Put your Life Jacket On First”
Oh, I so deeply deeply feel this. Holding you in love ❤️
Good morning, Sherry! It is privilege . Take care!
I hope that everyone is OK.
The Handmaiden, Chicken Lady, Pig Lady …I have a feeling there are more names!
Everyone is OK today. And that is not too bad!
Hope things get better soon. Stay strong.
I will! Yes. There might even be a little time today to do some housework!! 😂
Oh my, sounds like you are in the middle but on top of it. Try not to sink. Seems that you have a sturdy handle on how to handle things so stay strong.
I won’t sink! I have my life jacket on!
This is lovely. And also it sounds like you have been through quite a time. I can only imagine how much people depend on you because you are so capable. Sending love.
Good morning and thank you for sending some love!
such incredible life advice.
It works for many arenas. Though I am desperately tired so I am so glad it even made sense.
If I still had a printer I would print this out for myself, but then I’m no longer a point runner or anyone’s handmaiden. This is a good reminder to continue to walk very carefully, to be in the moment & kind to everyone.
I agree. Kindness is our most precious offer.
There are those who do, and plan, and lead and those who seem lost in the moments when logic and planning need to be heightened. For those I think it is often easier to forget that a human is involved regardless of age or gender and the thought process towards understanding and kindness leaves as well. Much more important to fix no matter the other costs involved, such as personal wishes and autonomy. It is often so easy to be caught off guard without plans in place. It sounds like you are serving as the rock Celi. The family is lucky you are there.
It is easier if I help out this way. Then everyone knows what’s going on. I do like clarity.
Very nicely written and said. In reality it is the only way—otherwise we just have chaos
Indeed!
Excellent advice. We are in the middle of elder care here as well. Hubby seems to fall apart in these situations so I need to keep calm, ask questions and be the voice of reason. Sending hugs your way.
Teams are like that / all our strengths put together make for a good result. Calmness is so important though.
Handmaiden! Yes such an under appreciated role and 99% of the time the woman’s. Nothing worse than a single phone call in the middle of the night. Except two more! Just awful!
It was a long night. But to be fair my NZ kids often call late.
The things life throws at us and we still have to keep all those balls in the air and plates spinning, like those little meat chickens et al. I recently fell and broke a couple of ribs and wrist, was really strange to be on the other side! Hope things get better all round soon Celi.
Oh my goodness. I hope you are feeling better now? Ribs and wrist sounds painful.
But always remember to look after yourself. If you don’t, you won’t be able to look after anybody else. Take care
Yes! I put my life jacket on first. Very important!
The title says it all doesn’t it? You can’t save anyone else unless you save yourself first. I always think of the airplane drill: put your oxygen on first, then you can help your child!
So very true. Yet I have lost a lot of weight already with the jogging from place to place – and forgetting to eat.
Forgetting to eat. I’ve only done that when I was in the middle of writing!
I actually go faster when I eat less. My appetite will come back I am sure.
You my friend are amazing! Thank you for sharing this … Hugs Celi