I read this sentence, this morning.
“Who checked on you today? Exactly. So keep focusing on you and get shit done”.
How sad that person must be, I thought.
Then I thought – I had better check on my people. Make sure they are all ok. Or mostly (because we all say we are OK anyway – lying half the time) – mostly to make sure all our lines of communication are open. We are seldom wholly truthful with each other – I am beyond lucky to have a person who I can be wholly truthful with – (is wholly a word, totally, brutally, showing my weakness, honest- are these better words?) – but with the others in our lives we need to keep our communications flowing. Keep the track open.
Say or write: – how are you today? And mean it – then listen.
I was talking to one of my helpers the other day – I told them – you don’t have to be the perfect caregiver, we are a team, we dovetail in together showing our strengths so the others in our team can cover the gaps. To try to be all things to all people is a pathway to misery. I don’t need to know your weaknesses – don’t say ‘I can’t’ to me, show me your strengths – show me what you CAN do and I will fold those into the Care Plan.
Working together is so much stronger. I am lucky to have a team. Quite a big one actually. World wide in fact. I include you. Not everyone has to be on site to be part of my team.
And – Thanks Gods – I do have a person who regularly checks that I am Ok. Then listens.
I am getting used to the town to country to town driving three times a day. (Which I hate) But yesterday I got everything done in a timely manner.
A whole ordinary day complete with piggy belly rubs and everyone safe. Though still no writing time – I need to work on that.
But- to my mind we are beginning to win at this new regime.
If you have to lean on someone – Lean. If they say lean on me – do it. It really does take a village.
You are not alone in this caregiving business there are many of us. Are you doing OK?
The Pond
And – of course – the pond pump died when I was distracted. We found another one and the water is flowing again.
But it is a bit of a mess. The fishies were not impressed. I will work on it later.
Worse
My coffee machine is close to collapse. Hmm. I was saving up for one of those machines that grinds the beans freshly! And was hoping this old machine would stumble on a few more months.
But I have been neglecting my business with this latest MIL emergency – I need to get back to work because I cannot do without coffee. And you know the rule. If you don’t have the money for it – you can’t have it.
And yes! I know that coffee is bad for the environment, full of chemicals, and bad for my body too – but – coffee is the anchor of my morning routine. I would rather go without food.
I am not being dramatic.
Vandal
Vandal is such an old cat now. In fact the whole farm is getting old.
He found my favorite gardening tool.
And he is right. I need to do some gardening.
I had better get a move on. This morning is so beautiful – we need to make the best of these beautiful days.
How are You?
Are you doing OK with the latest changes in your life?
Cecilia
The Kitchen's Garden 
51 responses to “Who Checked on You Today?”
I am doing OK, thanks for asking. We have hired care for the in-laws and it’s working out well. Had coffee with former neighbours who brought me an apron that says Queen of Baking as she always enjoyed my cakes. All is well in my corner. It sounds like you are getting into a routine as well. The old cat seems to have a handle on living (as they always do). You may have to pull out the French press for your coffee, but you must have your coffee!
Yes! I am so glad that you have help with the in-laws. And I really will have to get out the French Press. Sadly!
Last week I had squirrels attacking the recently planted vegetables and today I have crows!
Time to buy windmills…
Yes! Bring on the windmills! Crows and Squirrels! There might be a story in that too.
Of course – the critters are working together! 😉
Thanks for sharing this idea. Hope all goes well. Anita
Morning Anita! I hope all is well with you!
I am Not Good. Someone I am close to is in intensive care and is expected to die tonight. I am lying awake in my bed, waiting for the phone to ring to say it is over. I have known him since I was 6 years old. He is ready, and refused heroic measures, but he will leave a huge hole in life for some of us.
So sorry Kate, hugs to you.
Thank you.
So sorry Kate. Thinking of you and sending hugs.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
I know how hard that is. Take some small comfort that your friend is ready for the transition. It’s the sudden deaths that are harder. I’ve had both kinds. Keeping you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers.
Yes, it’s a little easier when they’re ready for the next big thing.
Oh Kate. My heart cries for you my friend. How deeply sad. Put your life jacket on – the next few weeks will be tough. We are right here and we will be checking in to see how you are. Love. C
I have come to the realisation that I’m entering the stage of life where people I love are going to start leaving me behind. It’s a bit dispiriting, but it’s the natural course of things, I suppose. I do appreciate your kind thoughts and those of all the Farmy community.
That’s not good Kate,, and I’m sorry to hear how it’s affecting you. Take extra care of yourself and remember all the good times you had with your friend. I don’t know anybody I’ve known since I was six years old and so your friendship is really very special. Sending hugs from the other side of the world
He’s a man of great joie de vivre, energy and generosity, and things will be colder and duller without him in the world. Thanks for the kind thoughts.
I’m so sad to think of that hole that bereftness however it us better shared so we can care along with you my friend ♡
I agree, big emotions like sadness and joy are better shared. It’s the Dorrigo family, just so you know…
How difficult for you but at least your friend is able to make that final decision for himself. I don’t know that I would be brave enough to say no more.
We all need choices, especially at life’s end. Having already had a close brush myself, I definitely would say “enough” when the time came.
As would I Kate. No question. I already have a non intervention order. No tubes for me.
Same here.
And more hugs Kate❤️
Thank you. They are needed. It has happened.
Oh Kate, I am so sorry for your loss!Thankfully he does not suffer any longer and you have your lifetime of memories… They will buoy you up while time dulls the sharp-edged pain of loss. with much love, Deb
Thank you. I have been combing through old photos; we are going to make a photo-book.
I am doing OK moving to GOOD as the trip to Colorado to see the daughters draws closer. While she may not welcome it, if I was standing in that soil I would bend down and kiss Miss Tima’s dirty nose. She is the most beautiful girl.
Tima would definitely welcome it. She is all about affection! When do you go to Colorado?
Mid month for about 1 week. Both girls/families/grands are there now so this visit will be nice before winter sets in.
It will be so lovely to see them all! I bet they are excited!
I hope so. Haven’t seen the grands since May and that’s way too long. I know you know how that feels… 😦
We are all getting old..but what a lovely journey it has been
And the journey is far from over!
Not yet…for a while 🙂
I’m with you on coffee. The morning feels incomplete before I’ve had my first cup. My partner recently bought an inexpensive (about £30) manual grinder for fresh beans. I’d recommend it!
A lot of changes in my life in the past year or two – all good, some bittersweet. Sometimes I wish I could freeze a moment in time, protect all the ones I love, but time keeps marching on.
It is a hard one – that wanting to freeze time. Protect everyone and keep them close. And you are right – time just keeps marching on. We have to roll with it. I try hard to pre-empt (sp) changes. But I almost always pack the wrong stuff !
I am okay, frustrated with several things beyond my control but otherwise okay. It’s better finally being out of the big city, quieter, less of the thing that go on that you tune out but that still disturb you. It’s taken almost a year for the healing from the constant noise of traffic right outside the building (not twenty feet from the street to the front windows), to happen. It was rare for a break of even five minutes from the traffic no matter what time of day or night. The whole building would shake when the big trucks would hit the holes in the pavement which were impossible for them to avoid and I haven’t missed that either. I think my husband would’ve lived longer if we had been able to move out of the city sooner.
It is good that you see this as a period to heal from that constant rattle and your husbands death. That way you are taking control of the results. And you can look clearly ahead. I wish you tons of calm quiet mornings!
Good evening, c. I am blessed with a group of friends who every morning greet one another with Good Morning WhatsApp messages and a quick how’s it going update. We are spread over the width of one international date line so one by one we wake and respond. We’ve never met one another but we know each other very well. Mostly we laugh and love the company.
Teamwork happening here too, both in-house and fortuitously outsourced. Tg we have our own skill sets… no-one can or should try to do it all.
I am going through the ups and downs of an elderly parent….stressful and joyful. I love this network of people here, helping each other with virtual friendship. Oh, what a darling tima is.
I am okay at this moment, but I am a caretaker 24/7 to my elderly mother. I got permission to hire a caregiver for eight hours out of 168 in a week. I have a lead on someone who sounds lovely, but she got a flat tire today and missed our interview (rescheduled for tomorrow). My body aches from constantly hauling laundry up and down stairs, doing all of the chores, plus personal care for my mother. I have cerebral palsy and my body requires extra rest and fluids. The fluids I can get — the rest, no. I hope to get some help soon. And then tackle the issue of getting more help. I survive by focusing just on whatever I am doing at any given moment. Right now I am lying on my side typing and listening to music between checks on my Mom down the hall.
And you have been the caregiver for your mum for such a long time. Eight worry hours are going to be amazing. Let’s hope your lady turns up today. I really hope this works out for you. Thank you so much for checking in.
I am so tempted to do a weekly zoom call with all of the fellowship who are caregivers. There is so much we can teach each other!
That would be wonderful, Celie. The challenge, of course, is finding the time when all or most of us are free.
I think we should do it when we are folding the laundry! Not one of us can spare an hour without doing at least one task at the same time.😂
Totally with you on all of this Celi! In times like these it is all too easy to be distracted – one only has so much focus to employ, after all. And I’m glad you’ve included us all of us in your team because it’s my intent to send you positive energy and loving thoughts every time you pop into my head; )❤️
Your positive energy is working!! We are all lucky to have each other.
Whoa! When did I miss you becoming a caregiver and to whom? I was a caregiver for my mother and father for a very long time and while I miss them both I don’t miss that job. The effects of it linger and now I’m checking in on my nephew who is now caregiver to my sister….sigh.
My mother in law. I just posted a podcast about the last few days. Caregiving for a relative is both incredible and dreadful. Hats off to you taking both your parents through.