The Best Present Ever

I have given up on trying to buy presents for the farm-hand husband. Nothing is ever right. Year after year my presents lie unused on the table, sometimes for months until I put them away myself. Total waste of money and effort. For a few years I gave him cash which he quite liked. Last year I even bought him a gift card which went down like a lead balloon.

So, this year, I bought him something I have wanted for ages, something I have been thinking about since I visited my brother.

A leaf blower.

But not to blow leaves – though that is a very good use for a leaf blower as long as you don’t blow them away from your trees. Leaves are best left on the ground under the trees – nature drops them there on purpose.

This leaf blower is for cleaning out the insides of the vehicles. Specifically my car. My brother’s theory is that you simply tidy the car then open all the doors, start at one end and just blow all the dust and debris straight out.

But where does it go? I asked him.

Away. He said.

Away. I thought.

I mean dust gathers everywhere in my car with all the animals and the feed and bucket after bucket of vegetables from the restaurant that it lugs around.

Yesterday was birthday day so I gave Our John his present. (I wrapped it in my farm jacket because it was handy. His mother gave him the jacket for Christmas a few years ago and he has never worn it because she gives him a jacket every Christmas – and he is seldom outside long enough to get cold so he never wears them, so now I wear one of three XXL Carhart jackets that come down to my knees and cover my hands completely. I can easily fit a small man in that jacket with me if I were so inclined though it is more likely to be a piglet – Jude used to ride around in my jacket. It is a bit of an orphan look but I am not spending money on a jacket for me when there are so many unworn jackets on the hooks. Our John never notices).

I don’t need a jacket, he said, as I handed him the parcel.

Ta Da! I said whipping the jacket off like a magician, to reveal the leaf blower.

He pretended to be impressed by saying, What is it?

(I bought him a small leaf blower so it would fit in my car so it might be described as a bit light weight and was in a line green box so the question was a perfectly reasonable one).

Once he put it all together I took it and blew all around the edges of the old wooden floors in the lounge. Blew the cobwebs out of the high ceilings, blew all around the paintings, under the table, across the kitchen floor (the kitchen floor has wide gaps between the old floor boards so that worked super well), I shocked both the dogs by giving them a blow out then started on the verandah and down the path to my car.

The best birthday present ever, I announced to the birthday boy as I returned – already he was back in his iPad -(in, not on, he resides IN his iPad) – so he did not respond and I plugged the spare battery in to charge it up.

Then I carefully placed my new toy on the shelf under the table where no one could find it.

Yesterday I carried a bottle of birthday champagne from fridge to fridge in my clean car in case I saw him in my travels during the day but our paths did not cross again (three family farms, five houses – lots to do) so I drank it with the granddaughter ring-in minder and the granddaughter night-nurse in town last night.

I am starting in on the book shelves with my new leaf blower today!

Celi