Often we forget that I am a foreigner here. 
Well, I don’t forget. 
Especially when I encounter people who do not know me. 
Like the optometrist yesterday. 
Who, with one eye on my chart said,” So did you watch any of the Olympics?”
“No. I am sorry” I said. “I don’t watch television.” He looked up at me. Losing his place. No TV?
“I write,” I said.
I went to the optomotrist yesterday to get another pair of glasses to wear about the farm. My present pair are about 10 years old and bedraggled. I just wanted a replacement.
“You are not from round here?” he said in response to my accent.
“Oh Yes.” I said, “I live on a farm about 20 miles that way”. I pointed at his East wall. His brow furrowed trying to think of a delicate way to say but you sound foreign.
“But the Olympics were in London.”
“Yes,” I nodded.
He looked back at my chart.
“Medications?”
“No.”
“None?”
“No.”
His head came up and he looked at me hard. “Who is your doctor then?”
“I don’t have a doctor.”
He shook his head. “You must have a doctor.”
“But I am never sick.”
“You don’t have a family doctor? What about your wellness checks.”
“But I AM well. I don’t need checking. Everyone has an imperfect body. No-one is in perfect health. Wellness check is such a strange expression anyway.”
The optometrist stood and began to shuffle about with strange looking instruments of torture.
I carried on. “That is like going to a car salesman and saying do you think I need a new car. Of course he will say you need a new car. But I am happy with my imperfect car. I mean body. It is all so confusing. I knew a funeral director once who always said Be Well, just before he said good bye to people. I mean it was obvious that what he meant was ‘be well until you drop dead and then I will bury you for a fee.’ Then he would pass them his card with the little cross and drawing of a casket on it. Hoping they would leave it lying about in an obvious place in case they dropped dead in the night. People don’t say what they mean anymore. Euphemisms rule. ”
“Well. he said into the pointed silence. “I feel I should encourage you to get a doctor and check on your blood pressure and so forth. It is a concern”.
“What is a concern is that Americans don’t use cutlery anymore.” The gloves were off.
“You mean we eat with our hands?”
“That too.” My eyes widened in horror “But no-one uses a knife and fork that I can see. When did you evolve to just using a fork. Who decided not to offer knives at the table. Some people even cut their food with a fork, with a lot of difficulty I might add. I have met people who cannot even Hold a knife”
He grunted.
Then he swung the peculiar glasses mask in front of my face, and we began Guess That Letter.
Later as he made the last of his notes.
“So. Do you read?”
“Oh yes.” I said and smiled. “I read all the books I can get my hands on. I read everything. I can quote the Weetbix box, verbatim.”
“What kind of books do you read.” He asks.
“Oh, well, um.. all of them. I read anything that comes into the house or anyone elses house for that matter.”
“You don’t have a preference?”
“No. Well, I like colourful covers. I pretty much choose books because for their covers, I like orange covers the best. Though, I prefer my books to have words in them.” I picked up my shoulder bag with its notebook, book and purse.
“Words,” he said?
“Words. Words. Words” I said standing back so he could open the door for me. “I don’t like cartoons I mean.”
“Oh,” he said. Relieved. “Well. Your eyes are in perfect health and your prescription has not changed by the way.”
I smiled at his back as he led me to the front. Perfect health you say. But I did not say it aloud.
…
“I have these old frames of my Mother in Laws I would like to use these please.” The whole lobby went silent and all eyes turned to me now standing at the counter. “New frames are way too expensive and I only use them on the farm anyway. These are only two years old and quite strong.”
The optometrist smiled with delight, handed me over to his dour assistant and made his hurried goodbyes.
“But these are not Our frames. We can’t do that. You will need to choose a new pair.” She attempted to give them back to me. I folded my hands on my purse.
“No, that is fine. I want to use these old frames. I would prefer to recycle these ones. They are perfectly good.”
“We don’t do that in this country.” I let my head drop to one side letting her words sit in the air for a few seconds “Well, I will have to check.”
“Oh I think it will be alright. It is a simple prescription. These technicians know what they are doing.”
“But we can’t guarantee them.”
“Thats fine.”
“But if you break them, we will not pay to fix them.”
“Thats fine. I promise to be careful. I can’t guarantee I won’t break either. It will be OK. These frames cost three hundred dollars. I am not having them just thrown away, I want to reuse them. Can you do this?”
“Well. I will have to check.”
“Good. You will call me when they are done?” I put my head back down to write the check. Trying not to catch the eye of the optomotrist who I could see was grinning to me from his office, just out of sight of his beleaguered assistant. I raised my eyebrow ever so slightly in his direction. He snorted a slight chortle and bent back to his work.
..
Good morning. I hope you all have a fab day. We are going to have another lovely day.
celi
On this day a year ago. I found a stunning bridge on route 66. Not far from here.
The Kitchen's Garden 
130 responses to “Confusing the man”
Good lessons in this post, no matter whether we were born in the U.S. or not.
It happens all over the world. When we encounter someone with an accent sometimes we assume they are vastly different and maybe even a little stupid. Just because WE cannot understand them well. It was naughty of me to play up the alien in my nature though. c
I always find myself speaking slower and louder to someone with a foreign accent, which must come across to them that I think they’re stupid AND deaf. Oh my.
OR it may help them to understand what you are saying.. we are often grateful for good diction!! c
Wonderful!!!!!
morning stacey! c
Not to lecture…. Only because I care…. You really should have a gynecological exam. The rest only if you feel necessary. Breast and ovarian cancer seems to sneak up with little warning until you are overwhelmed.
I know anna. We have such a history of cancer in my family that the docs wanted to put my sisters and i into a special programme so they could monitor our demise. No. I am fine, really. I would rather it snuck up on my undetected. i promise you I will live longer and better without intervention. My Mother walked into a doctors office with a healthy alert spring in her step and walked back out dying. I won’t be overwhelmed. Don’t worry for me. c
🙂 I can understand that. You would never be overwhelmed, your attitude would overcome anything.
I’m so glad to be in England where we still use knives and can get new lenses put into old frames. The problem is that whatever happens in US, we’ll be doing it in a couple of years. I did enjoy your post.
Eating with a fork as a scoop has been here for years and years. It is a cultural thing. I don’t mean to insult anyone. What I AM interested in is when and where did it begin and how did it become so widespread. And this is a piece of research I have had trouble tracking. c
I love your gumption!
I try not to upset people – i am just interested in stuff. And you can’t recycle a can and not your glasses. You can’t be organic and eat medications. This just feels sensible to me really. c
my husband recycles his glasses – he has used the same frames for three prescriptions
Obviously your opthamologist either didn’t know or remember you. I’ve a feeling he will the next time you visit, even if it’s another decade. Yes, you really are that memorable. 🙂
Have a great day, Celi!
He had never seen me before poor fellow, my glasses were bought in London!! c
ROFL – here’s one for the optometrist – I live in London and I didn’t watch the Olympics either 😉
Bloody English! No. the Poor fellow was only trying to make conversation. I should have been more pleasant and said something like Oh yes, wasn’t that entertaining! But if he had started naming names I would have drawn a blank anyway. c
I Don’t like sport, but it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t proud of the team 😉
You had a good team!! c
Good for you, standing your ground, refusing to spend money and waste resources. Brava, foreign woman!
Morning Sharyn, it seems logical to most of us! c
I’m imagining the conversations the optomeritist and his assistant will have in their respective homes, “you never guess what, I had the starngest woman in today….. she wanted to recyle her frames, except they weren’t hers…. yes, and she buys books that have orange covers” !
The orange covers is quite true. i have great big bookcases and I love to see bright spines! Yes i am shallow enough to use books as wallpaper!! Except of course for the bookcases in my room which only house the really good ‘will read again’ books and very few of them are orange! And yes I am not recycling my own glasses, I am keeping them for ‘just in case’ .. funny! c
Do you have Penguin books, you know the old ones, the classic covers were orange and white, very decorative ?!
Oh i adore those ones, my MUm used to have quite a collection.. c
I sooooo enkoyed this, Cecilia!! I would have loved to see his face!!
Morning Pink! c
Lovely, just lovely!
I think I have to share this blog entry.
Oh I would love you to Share it Klaus.. thank you.. and good morning.. c
So many people believe that our economy’s health is tied to consumerism which in many ways translates to waste. I’m sure you were the topic of much consideration upon leaving the premises. Hilarious! I get into the “no television” conversation frequently with people and you might as well say you read by candlelight, too. There are so many ways to enjoy a life well lived…and you express your particulars beautifully, Celi. And I noted your post from a year ago…fun for me to see as I sit in my office parked strategically on Route 66. Yep! I am on Route 66 right now…simply a few miles west! 🙂 Debra
OO.. Route 66 is easy to find! Maybe one day we might have lunch on good old Route 66. How few are those miles, 66 is awfully long! .. c
The comments say it all – You have made us giggle and smirk and smile, thank you! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Good morning and you are SO welcome.. c
You are so RIGHT! Terry and I practice…reusing the glasses frames…of course they don’t want us too. And we do NOT go to a doctor. I want to just pass away, as surprised as everyone else. My parents did…why not me!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com
Exactly.. absolutely. Are you sure you are not my long lost sister? c
I think you’ve hit on the big reasons for the world’s economic woes: bad manners, too much tv, not enough reading, big lack of info about our neighbors in the world, and the mind set that we must spend the money we don’t have on everything new. Loved the post and I have recycled my frames with the same litany from the optometrist’s assistant.
They do keep trying don’t they.. bless them and i do agree about manners.. mercy! c