Often we forget that I am a foreigner here. 
Well, I don’t forget. 
Especially when I encounter people who do not know me. 
Like the optometrist yesterday. 
Who, with one eye on my chart said,” So did you watch any of the Olympics?”
“No. I am sorry” I said. “I don’t watch television.” He looked up at me. Losing his place. No TV?
“I write,” I said.
I went to the optomotrist yesterday to get another pair of glasses to wear about the farm. My present pair are about 10 years old and bedraggled. I just wanted a replacement.
“You are not from round here?” he said in response to my accent.
“Oh Yes.” I said, “I live on a farm about 20 miles that way”. I pointed at his East wall. His brow furrowed trying to think of a delicate way to say but you sound foreign.
“But the Olympics were in London.”
“Yes,” I nodded.
He looked back at my chart.
“Medications?”
“No.”
“None?”
“No.”
His head came up and he looked at me hard. “Who is your doctor then?”
“I don’t have a doctor.”
He shook his head. “You must have a doctor.”
“But I am never sick.”
“You don’t have a family doctor? What about your wellness checks.”
“But I AM well. I don’t need checking. Everyone has an imperfect body. No-one is in perfect health. Wellness check is such a strange expression anyway.”
The optometrist stood and began to shuffle about with strange looking instruments of torture.
I carried on. “That is like going to a car salesman and saying do you think I need a new car. Of course he will say you need a new car. But I am happy with my imperfect car. I mean body. It is all so confusing. I knew a funeral director once who always said Be Well, just before he said good bye to people. I mean it was obvious that what he meant was ‘be well until you drop dead and then I will bury you for a fee.’ Then he would pass them his card with the little cross and drawing of a casket on it. Hoping they would leave it lying about in an obvious place in case they dropped dead in the night. People don’t say what they mean anymore. Euphemisms rule. ”
“Well. he said into the pointed silence. “I feel I should encourage you to get a doctor and check on your blood pressure and so forth. It is a concern”.
“What is a concern is that Americans don’t use cutlery anymore.” The gloves were off.
“You mean we eat with our hands?”
“That too.” My eyes widened in horror “But no-one uses a knife and fork that I can see. When did you evolve to just using a fork. Who decided not to offer knives at the table. Some people even cut their food with a fork, with a lot of difficulty I might add. I have met people who cannot even Hold a knife”
He grunted.
Then he swung the peculiar glasses mask in front of my face, and we began Guess That Letter.
Later as he made the last of his notes.
“So. Do you read?”
“Oh yes.” I said and smiled. “I read all the books I can get my hands on. I read everything. I can quote the Weetbix box, verbatim.”
“What kind of books do you read.” He asks.
“Oh, well, um.. all of them. I read anything that comes into the house or anyone elses house for that matter.”
“You don’t have a preference?”
“No. Well, I like colourful covers. I pretty much choose books because for their covers, I like orange covers the best. Though, I prefer my books to have words in them.” I picked up my shoulder bag with its notebook, book and purse.
“Words,” he said?
“Words. Words. Words” I said standing back so he could open the door for me. “I don’t like cartoons I mean.”
“Oh,” he said. Relieved. “Well. Your eyes are in perfect health and your prescription has not changed by the way.”
I smiled at his back as he led me to the front. Perfect health you say. But I did not say it aloud.
…
“I have these old frames of my Mother in Laws I would like to use these please.” The whole lobby went silent and all eyes turned to me now standing at the counter. “New frames are way too expensive and I only use them on the farm anyway. These are only two years old and quite strong.”
The optometrist smiled with delight, handed me over to his dour assistant and made his hurried goodbyes.
“But these are not Our frames. We can’t do that. You will need to choose a new pair.” She attempted to give them back to me. I folded my hands on my purse.
“No, that is fine. I want to use these old frames. I would prefer to recycle these ones. They are perfectly good.”
“We don’t do that in this country.” I let my head drop to one side letting her words sit in the air for a few seconds “Well, I will have to check.”
“Oh I think it will be alright. It is a simple prescription. These technicians know what they are doing.”
“But we can’t guarantee them.”
“Thats fine.”
“But if you break them, we will not pay to fix them.”
“Thats fine. I promise to be careful. I can’t guarantee I won’t break either. It will be OK. These frames cost three hundred dollars. I am not having them just thrown away, I want to reuse them. Can you do this?”
“Well. I will have to check.”
“Good. You will call me when they are done?” I put my head back down to write the check. Trying not to catch the eye of the optomotrist who I could see was grinning to me from his office, just out of sight of his beleaguered assistant. I raised my eyebrow ever so slightly in his direction. He snorted a slight chortle and bent back to his work.
..
Good morning. I hope you all have a fab day. We are going to have another lovely day.
celi
On this day a year ago. I found a stunning bridge on route 66. Not far from here.
The Kitchen's Garden 
130 responses to “Confusing the man”
Honey, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this post. I have a no-tv policy at the dayhome that raises eyebrows and causes heads to shake in disbelief. The kids don’t need television. They need words and mud and trees to climb. And me? I’ve had this same conversation with my family doctor (who I visit for fifteen minutes once a year) about why there is no record of me or my kids dropping in at the walk-in clinic. We don’t. And, come to think of it, I DO require that they use both a knife and fork (and a spoon when appropriate) when they are eating at my table. It does seem profoundly un-North American, of us. 😉
Mud.. we love Mud around here.. ! And Desi you are such a star with all your kids.. you do fantastic work.. c
that was awesome!! i am so proud of you. this country is way too much about money, especially the health care department. glad you stood your ground!!!!
The need to pursue illness is a worry. Why would I go to a doctor if i am well. And why can’t i decide if i am well or not.. I know that you deal with these people on a daily basis. And they are all doing the very best they can. But it must just wear on a girl.. c
oh i understand believe me!!!!!!!
I wish my prescription hadn’t changed in 10 years, it would be a lot cheaper! (I rarely get new frames either just to annoy them). 🙂
It is so hard to find frames that suit too!! c
And fit! I’ve just got my first adult frames! 😉
Good grief – jolting them out of their everyday patterns are you? How funny.
(Maybe it’s different there, but everyone here recycles old glasses and frames which are put to good use – there are big boxes that collect them)
It’s only sensible to use a perfectly good frame – and to keep the old pair just in case! Those old ones have saved us more than once in emergencies.
Oh, I’ve been told eye doctors and dentists are supposed to be checking for health warning signs like blood pressure – it’s part of the new healthcare plan.
Great your eyes aren’t changing. Farm life is probably helping with that (insert giggles here)
Those eyes did a lovely job spotting subject matter with the water picture and the rain gauge shot.
How interesting that they are all after our blood pressure now, This is one of the things he said i should be checking on. Ah well. Maybe a good wack in the head from Daisy was just what I needed!! (insert more giggles!) morning mouse.. c
Head butts tend to get the blood moving..so she’s a new healthcare provider? Give the critters a howdy from me.
Excellent- one of the best posts I’ve read in some time…most “rules” aren’t really rules at all…people just want your time and $…and expect you to give it to them…
Exactly.. we need to help them see the light!! c
You are probably exactly what his boring day was begging for! Someone to shake it up a little. 😉
poor fellow.. c
Celia you made our day! Are you sure you’re not a fly on the wall in our home? My husband has the same issues re glasses and frames. The prices are now obscenely outrageous.
We were taught to eat with the knife in the right hand, the fork in the left hand. In my years in the restaurant business I saw some appallingly bad table manners, It has nothing to do with buffets or eating with a plate on your lap. It is as simple as this. Parents did not teach their children correct table manners and boy does it show when they are adults. Virginia
I absolutely agree. My mother used to say eat as though the queen is visiting. We always used napkins in silver rings and the butter was in a dish and the milk in a jug. A knife and fork and a dessert spoon and fork. We were not posh. but we were consciously taught how to recognise and handle cutlery.. and i am SO grateful. So very grateful.. Virginia i swear one day i am coming to visit! c
It was the same in our house growing up, and it still is. Even to using linen napkins all the time. I haunt Thrift Shops and collect the beautiful linen that no one wants to iron. I figure I score.
Celia my husband said – of course you are coming to visit. We have your room ready! Hugs Virginia
We do use a knife and fork around here, but have some of the same issues at the optometrist office. Mine has a lovely sense of humor and could care less if you buy frames from him, but his office staff is a different matter. I want to either recycle or buy my frames and scripts cheap online and have to practically snatch the written prescription out of their hands so I don’t have to pay them a fortune!
Interesting .. I did have more surly looks from his staff! How sweet! Now, i need to know more about this online thing.. i can buy glasses online?.. No wonder they are worried c
Oh yes, you can buy them online. You just need your prescription info for the lenses and measurements which you can take yourself if they aren’t already on the script…then order whatever frames you want. My husband has gotten very cool designer frames and his prescription filled…2 pairs for $35!
Oh wow. I am going to spread the word! thank you.. c
My first large conference was a dinner event, we had CEOs and CFOs on both sides of us. Neither knew which bread plate was theirs. Incredible. I’d never seen people eat with just a fork until I started working. Abysmal! Good for you for sticking to your guns about the frames.
My sun glass frames broke and they no longer made that style but the lenses were perfectly good, so I searched high and low until I found a pair of frames that would fit the lens properly. The eyeglass store replaced them with little to no fuss.
Good for you. My favourite sunglasses disappeared in a security x ray machine at the airport! No-one ever saw them again!! poo.. c
I actually had that happen to my passport and there was panic (me, not them) for about 10 minutes until it found its way out. Then they tell me you don’t have to put your documents into the box. REALLY? Not the first time I’ve flown, could you not have said something about a million years ago? ARGH!
Oh yes! I don’t watch TV either, “I draw.” And I reuse the glasses frames. I hate the changes in style. I have some that look ridiculous that don’t go out of the house because they are just for drawing, anyway. And I don’t take meds, although I do get an annual check-up because I get “wellness points” if do healthy stuff, which translates into gift cards, which translates into Christmas gifts. So it’s all good.
I guess I picked up the habit of using my fork in the left hand and the knife in the right to cut with when I was a child and we were traveling. Everyone thinks it’s odd.
The kids in the schools have “sporks” and styrofoam plates. Now that is truly uncivilized. So sad.
Sporks EEOO are they like Skorts! Dreadful! Dreadful!! c
wondrous way to go!
morning gnat! c
I recently sacked my GP – like you, I figure I’m not going to live forever and I’d rather anything nasty snuck up on me. I have heard many stories similar to that of your mum, and sometimes wonder how it would have ended if they did not get the bad news and just kept on – until they stopped (if you know what I mean?)… XO
Janet i wonder this all the time. What if they just left her alone and did not chop her up and fill her with chemicals for years.. I do absolutely know what you mean.. It is my haunting.. c
Lovely post.
In our town one can donate old glasses to go to 3rd world nations so that even if one can’t reuse the frame themselves at least there is a second life.
I do get wellness checks but I live in Canada and have health coverage. I would recommend checking one’s BP occasionally if only at the drug store and sadly I do think things like pap smears, mammograms, and the smear test for colon cancer are important.especially as one ages.
however, when the doctor recommended I take Lipitor for cholesterol I said “No, I’ll try something different>” and I have had old fashioned oats oatmeal with a dollop of peanut butter every morning for a good number of years. Cheap and simple.
I fully agree that a good diet of wholesome fresh unprocessed food will enable you to live a good clean healthy life. Thank you Nora and welcome, welcome.. i am going to remember the oatmeal and peanut butter too.. good tip c
I’m glad you were both laughing at the end! 🙂
I think he was laughing with me!?.. morning celia.. c
I read this smiling all the way as it is sooo you! I wish I could have been sitting in that office overhearing all of this! But, dear sweet C…you know what I’m going to say….wellness checks might truly save your life. My visit to my gyn for my yearly check up had her notice my neck and caught my cancer in its early stages – even tho it was the size of a baseball! Had it not been found then, well….
You are loved by so many, animals included, we want you healthy for a long, long time!!
I am very very glad that it all worked out so well for you.. What a relief.. now you take good care and eat lots and lots of fresh food, though i know you do, your recipes are always so GOOD! .. c