I am getting tired, feeding kittens all through the nights for the last wee while is taking its toll. And I am afraid we are going to lose the middle kitten too. I have done everything I can, but yesterday he began to fail and sit hunched over, although I feed him tiny drinks frequently he is not choosing to eat now. I have to force him to drink now.
The Marmalade kitten, who arrived big and strong and loud is streaking ahead. I am considering the possibility that he is older than the others and not even from the same litter. The little fella is voracious and has never looked back. He has a big thirst for life. We should applaud this but always we feel sad for the little sick ones. Our failures loom into our bright successes blocking out their sun.
I feel I am letting you down when we were so high on the delight of it – rescuing these wee cats and now things are going wrong. I spoke to the vet and as usual he asks a few questions and says – Just keep doing what you are doing and see how he is tomorrow.
So tomorrow I am taking the day off from the blog. I need to regroup and find my happy again. I have not even had time to answer all your glorious comments – I do apologise. It is not only the cats, I think I am tired and achy and aimed straight at a Washing Basket Moment if I don’t give myself a stern talking to. Did I mention that cats make my nose run, my eyes itch and my head hurt? This is why I don’t have inside cats anymore. I have worked hard this summer, filling the freezers and cellar with food, winter is coming and I am not ready. I need to get the tractor out tomorrow and concentrate on the barn and bringing the ark across and work on the gardens and shift the pig fence. Already I feel better confessing this all to you. Writing lists helps they say.
I hope you all have a good day.
I promise to be back on form tomorrow.
love your friend, celi.
ps, Just out of interest here is the Daily View exactly a year ago. Here is the walkabout post from that day. I need to mow the lawns as well.
And this post is from two years ago. Ah yes we go back that far many of you and I.
c
The Kitchen's Garden 
64 responses to “grizzle, drizzle, fizzle”
Things are not going wrong – they are going as they will go. Those who live on farms see and understand more about life than those stuffed in concrete boxes or neat suburbs. Life is real – no glossing over.
It’s a mother human thing to struggle past abilities and suffer over what cannot be controlled or meant to be. Mothers can’t help but try and make it right – of course that’s why they are moms.
HUGS. May riding a tractor around soothe and sew you back into the cloth of life. “Good mom. Good mom”, all the creatures are sending that to you today and always.
Love you.
Oh Celi 😦 I have been totally overwhelmed like that before. I was physically tired, emotionally drained, and injured. My physical therapist told me I *had* to slow down – I CAN’T! I replied. There was no one else to carry on, and other lives depended on me. I would cry as I carried out my chores. This went on for months… but not forever. Please do drop what you CAN drop… like us… for a while. We’ll be here when you get back.
You just cannot do more than your best. It is sad that another may die bug it is not your fault…so stop blaming yourself…..
I said weeks ago about how much you achieve in a day and I also suggested that slowing down would be good before you make yourself ill….SO…..listen to Nanny Patrecia alias misswhiplash..Stop, slow down….. We all love you Celi but would rather not have an ill Celi..xxxxxx
From one of the Farmy Lurkers…I am grateful that you share your lovely (and sometimes unlovely) life with us. I am grateful that you give your heart so freely, yet so wisely, to the animals of the Farmy. I am grateful to be able to share in the joys and tragedies of the Farmy because of your writing. I hope you will care for yourself as you would care for a wee kitten. I am grateful for the gift of you.
I feel as all of the others do, worried about you. I remember hearing that if a mother and child are on a plane when the oxygen masks drop, the mom MUST put her own mask on first IN ORDER TO HELP THE CHILD, even though her instinct is to put the child’s mask on the child first.
You must take a big-ass washing basket day for Cecelia. Your mental, emotional and physical health depends on it.
Love and hugs galore!
Oops! FOR CECILIA
Never letting us down, but teaching us as you go too! I worked for a vet clinic and sometimes these things happen for no reason we can fix! *hugs* I know it’s heart breaking, but it is NOT YOU.
“When I see I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I see I am everything, that is love. My life is a movement between these two.” ~ Nisargidatta Maharaj
You are wise and you are love. That is enough.
You and Boo have been wonderful to the kittens and us, you have tried your best. Take some time to rest.
You could never let us down!
Sit down and have a good cry Celi, wasting basket moments are the kind that keep us all sane.
It’s sad about the little cat, but he has been treasured by so many people – he would be astonished to know just how many. I hope he can find his own patch of warmth and sunshine. XO
Take all the time you need. How heartbreaking to put so much effort in only to have this happen.
And it’s been a lovely two years of knowing you and cheering you on! A day off now and then is always good! A good cry helps also. To know that a life, although a short lived life, is well loved is the best thing that can happen to all things great and small.
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com
Oh, I am so sorry. We all know know how hard you and Boo have tried. Now is the time to stop and recharge your batteries and then continue on. I think we have all been there in one form or another. The kittens are living in love and caring. If they don;t make it they will have not died a cold cruel death. They knew a loving, caring human. Can we ask anything more? Yes, you are amazing
Big hug!