Do you ever look in the mirror and get a fright? Just a little fright.
Just a small startle really. A widening of the eyes. Then you look again at the person in the mirror and think, Oh Yes!
There you are. It is you after all.
Because in your mind you thought you looked different. I don’t mind how I look now – that is not what I mean. But I wish my brain would catch up! My memory of myself seems to have frozen in my mid thirties. Now I am over fifty and every time I look in the mirror I get that little fright. Is that you Cecilia, I think. I have had so many roles and so many names and so many residences. Yet my Self is still in a house in Napier, New Zealand, a solo Mum with a whole pile of teenage children, all the time worrying about money, pounding my way through through a two job life, fierce, and laughing and living life at break neck speed. This period has implanted so strongly on my Self, I was so brilliantly alive then, that this is woman I still expect to see in the mirror.
Now I am a sleepy farmer with endless visitors and summer muscles aching, growing food so I do not have to worry about paying for it and my children are all grown – it always surprises me. Maybe I am surprised that I reached this stage in my life. Maybe it is that.
Imagine if we never saw ourselves in a mirror. Imagine that!
Here is Sammy with Theo the peachick – a photo for Kat’s Mum.
Last night I went out to check him and once again the red chickens were unusually placed. Not perching on their perches. Alerted I softly sifted through their slumbering bodies and found Theo nestled UNDER the tail feathers of one of the plumper wee hens. He poked his head out and told me to move along and not upset the balance. So I did. This chick is still making me shake my head.
I am not sure if they surround them at night to protect him or to watch him in case he turns into some kind of threat. They are not too nice in the daytime. It is an interesting puzzle.
Good morning. Aunty Del is back home as you can see from the images of her meeting with Bobby T (who was deeply underwhelmed), Del back into the herd without a ripple.
I have decided to bring Bobby T2 (the Hereford steer) back to the home fields for the next few months. The pasture is so rich here, a bit too rich for the heifers (Naomi and Aunty Anna) and he can bond with Bobby T.
It would be nice if I had one big farm so I could walk my animals across, but we have two tiny farms with a mile of bean field and an enormous ditch with no bridge in between, and the roads are not fenced so no walking stock that way either, so they have to be shifted using the stock trailer and as my truck will not pull the stock trailer I have to wait for John to help me.
Today has dawned calm and sunny. We had more rain in the night too which was nice. As soon as this weather pattern settles I will cut more hay.
I hope you have a lovely day. I hope to.
Much love
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
87 responses to “Is that you?”
Very thought filled post this morning, Ms. C. Is it the Sunday pace that gives you a moment’s pause to reflect? I was born old and have been going at life somewhat backward. My body just doesn’t realize that. I look in the mirror and wonder when I started to hunch my shoulders and neck or to pull a stray, white chin whisker or put in an eye drop. . I check to see if my smile has finally returned but alas, each day the face is still frozen in expression. 68 is rapidly approaching and I’m still looking in the mirror and wondering who that person is. I think when we are in survival mode, we are either deeply grounded or leave our bodies and just do what needs doing. You seem to be the deeply grounded sort. At least your reflection doesn’t scare the kids likes it’s Halloween every day. Have a wonderfilled Sunday.
I think of you often. When I’m aching and hurting from a days work I wonder how on earth you manage so much. My work is nothing compared to what you do in a day! 🙂
And I am unable to do anywhere near what you do in a day, Lori! You are both brilliantly alive.
Who is that person in the mirror? It is always a Time Warp.
I sometimes get startled when I raise my face from splashing water and there’s my mother looking back at me! The little voice in my head, I’ve been aware of since I was eight. So I know what you mean. Sometimes you look at pictures of yourself and that’s not quite how you see yourself in your mind’s eye. You are still the same person, just in a different setting?
I love how healthy your animals look. And you will have a good cutting of hay. Theo certainly sounds like a survivor. Thank you for sharing.
I’m often surprised by the face I see in the mirror. Sometimes I wonder where The Real Me has gone to! ; o ) Lovely post today – as always. My favorite photo of today is the one of the pea chick. I love the way he’s looking at the camera. And I find the behavior of the red chickens so interesting. It does seem like they’re all protecting – or at least gathering around him – during the night because the little guy calls out their natural maternal instincts. At least that’s my take on it! ; o )
I have always admired your beautiful smile in your gravatar pic 🙂
Aren’t you sweet!!! Thanks so much.
Why can’t they be haltered or something to walk? Are they not very obedient to a lead? I guess you have to train for that, wouldn’t you? Probably not worth the effort. My experience of cows is mostly at fairs where they are often on leads, and yet it never occurred to me they had to be trained to it. I guess I just assumed they were born waiting to be led.
PS – I also have that feeling about my face. I mostly don’t look to hard at my whole face in the mirror, but when I do, I’m often surprised by my middled aged self.
I have no interest in being young again or looking younger. I love the life I live right now most of the time . What depresses me is loosing my independence do to old age.
What a nice place to be… Just where you are! x
That’s what’s important to me… keeping a can do attitude 🙂
Interesting to read. I had the priviledge of not seeing my face for a couple of months a few decades back when in India. It was unintentional and I don’t think you could consciously do this. It was a curious experience when I accidentally went past a mirror, it seemed like the face was independent of me though had a familiarity.
I try not to look in mirror because i still i am young but the person in mirror has many lines and sagging chin. Her eyes sink in and her eyebrows ate out of shape
I try not — Sent from my Android phone with mail.com Mail. Please excuse my brevity.
So much of what I would say has already been said. The aspects of age that really upset me are lack of mobility – physical – and freedom – no more driving, so having to shop with Jock, which is frustrating in the extreme. Appearance desn’t bother me too much (I am 30-ish inside), but I get a fright in the mirror when I see my mother as she was at my age – 78. She was much smarter than I have ever been, clotheswise, as I’m a believer in comfort over style. But I think I am much younger mentally – still learning (Italian at the moment) while Mum was stuck in her ways and mindset. I think of Celie as 30-ish, in her prime.
I love those piccies of the calves, and yesterday’s piggies.
love,
ViV xox
I always know the person in the mirror in the morning… Until I put my glasses on!
My mom used to talk about being startled by her own image. I don’t think I look markedly different but my daughter said to me the other day that I have squinty eyes like my son, and not big eyes like her. That gave me a start. When I was younger, I had very large eyes — just like hers. And then I looked in the mirror, and they have gone squinty. Hrmph
These lovely pictures of lovely creatures, charming creatures, they are so…satisfying. And Cecilia, if you think of yourself now as a sleepy farmer, I cannot even begin to imagine what you were like as the mother of teenagers. It boggles the mind.
What a fascinating post! I don’t look enough like my mother to see her in the mirror when I’m looking. I look more like my father, but I just turned 71 and he died when he was 58. Cancer. So he never made it this far.
I haven’t been posting lately in the past weeks. I spent a lot of time looking for a place to live. It was hell on wheels! Now I am situated, but still do not yet have Wi-Fi. I thank God for my measly 6 GB of data on my iPhone, so I don’t completely fall through the cracks in life, drowning in what ever lurks below in the fiery, primordial ooze that slithers beneath our only too confident feet. Much love, Your Gayle
Have you noticed your dream self is the same? Having just delivered our second baby I’m learning better this time than last time to adjust my self image at a faster rate. Even then I’m a bit surprised when I see pictures.
In my dreams I am always carrying a baby. And congratulations on your baby – a boy or girl? c
Interesting! This one’s a little boy. A sweet one.