A familiar and unsettling restlessness is creating a sinking feeling in me. I don’t even know where to take this sentence. So I will just leave it there. I work with my animals all day but the string on my balloon is dragging.

Anyway we brought in a bale of corn stalks for the pigs and one for the cows. After the pigs got used to the sound they proceeded to have a lovely time. I spent about an hour spreading it around the barn but it was like shifting sand with a fork.

However as the cold comes this is a fantastic beginning to a good deep warm litter on top of the concrete floor of the barn.

Wai Wai stood for a long time yesterday as I worked on the scarring on his back. All these whiter areas are hard and cold to the touch. On cloudy days I work his creams into the skin trying to alleviate the cracking. But the vet, who calls Wai – Wonder Pig – said the burn sites were so deep the skin will never be right. He has healed way past either of our expectations anyway.

Though these pictures only show you one side it is enough to show how much of his body was set on fire by unknown persons.

He is well though and happy in his grumpy way, as long as he gets his way!

I loaded Molly up and took her to the other side. She has the barn and Manu has to wait in the field for a few weeks. Manu was a bit confused about being offered new sleeping areas. He followed me from the crib with a corner filled with old hay to the tin house stuffed full of straw showing very little interest. It will be interesting to see where he finally settles.

Molly and Manu can meet through a strong gate. Let’s hope it is strong enough.

We are warm this morning. It rained a little bit in the night but not enough to make a difference – we are already pretty muddy.

I hope you have a lovely day.



30 Comments on “RESTLESS

  1. This is me too: “A familiar and unsettling restlessness is creating a sinking feeling in me.” Glad to know I’m not alone.

    • Me too, I vacillate from wanting to throw everything in my house out and start over to just wanting to go back to bed. I blame it on the dark.

      • Wanting to go back to bed 🙂 Isn’t it shocking how much the sun influences us? How is it that less sunlight transforms me from ready for anything to my give a damn is busted? The best news is that on 12/22, the days get longer.

  2. Those corn stalks look like a cosy bed in the making for the pigs. I know that feeling, I call it the Christmas dread feeling. Laura

  3. Poor poor Wai Wai what a truly awful thing to happen, but he is so lucky that he ended up with you, you have done wonders. I hope your feeling of restlessness resolves itself.

  4. That looks like the start of a warm winter bed. I hope you get to the root of the restlessness and find a way to settle. Or maybe it’s a useful message from your subconscious, telling you something. Either way, I expect we’ll find out sooner or later 🙂

  5. I had that sinking feeling this time of year when we lived in Chicago & Milwaukee, knowing I might be down in the Loop the next June still in my winter coat. Years of escape to South Florida & then escape from eternal summer to North Carolina, where four nice moderate seasons roll around pretty much on time, cured that dark dread thank goodness. It still occurs before any great travels. That’s just me. I join the others in praises for your deep & tender caring for Wai-Wai, who is entitled to any odd crochet he might have, though I know he loves You with all of his piggy heart.

      • Maybe I’ve just outlived it. That seems to be the case with several of my early disorders & ailments. (Of course, there are new ones…toujours.)

  6. Maybe it’s the travel wanderlust calling…vacation just around the corner…you need a rest and change of scene.

  7. I think when there is not enough light and Holidays it makes the space between loved ones grow in the mind. It’s like leaf litter blowing in corners. It can’t really go anywhere but it’s constantly redistributing and not feeling resolved or free. I hope the animals and your local family keep you occupied enough to slog through the restless dim times.

  8. “A familiar and unsettling restlessness is creating a sinking feeling in me. I don’t even know where to take this sentence. So I will just leave it there. I work with my animals all day but the string on my balloon is dragging.” I have been sensing something like this in you from your posts. It’s been there and you aren’t getting to time or the desire to really look at it. I hope you do. It’s important. Sending love and hugs. Think you can use a little right now.

  9. I hope that whatever is weighing you down will soon lift.
    I’m feeling like this as well. I’m leaving for Australia next week for my son’s graduation from med school. The thought of that long distance, a husband who is sick and so many unfinished tasks leaves me overwhelmed. Perhaps this is our plight as women doing too many things at once.
    I hope and pray that you will find your equilibrium.
    Diana from Canada

    • It’s so difficult when your husband is ill. Puts a pall over everything. I hope you find much joy and pride, though, in having a son graduate from med school. What an achievement! Congratulations to you both!

  10. i love the phrase the string on my balloon is dragging; i think there is enough existential angst in the world to pick up on it; i always feel everything; i keep my eye on what i call “My Supreme Horizon” and focus on that; i am a large look at arcs or patterns taking shape, all the while, my feet are sturdily plunked on gravel, or mud or what, grit from dirt city a name one author gave our world. There is so much in our world, and i feel globally, widespread horrors are happening, and we can feel the suffering. But I also keep my eye on my Supreme Horizon, because the future will be greater; thus i feel like a brick builder for future generations. hugs and love and thanks for all you do; great seeing Wei

  11. awww Wai Wai is so lucky to be with you ! Is that Jude I see peering out from the corn stalks?

  12. Sending you peace and love from Down Under. Methinks Kate is more than right about that subconsciousness . . . you may as yet be unable to listen to it and take any actions . . . .the cold, the wind and the increasing darkness do not help . . . bestest . . .

  13. I hope your mood lifts very soon. As others above have said there’s such a great deal of angst and anguish in the world and it seems we may be sharing it. I hope you take a deep joy in what extraordinary measures you took and continue to take in caring for WaiWai and Jude and so so many others too numerous to list.
    And to provide a little laugh—what you said about WaiWai being happy so long as he gets his way—is exactly what a student once upon a time said about me. 🙄

  14. This time of year is truly tough; but add to that missing family and one’s homeland would be trebly so. Sending Love and Light until you scratch that itch and the sun comes back : )

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