11.03 am I am sitting in the barn – on my milking stool. It is cold, blowing cold and getting colder. Del’s waters have broken. I think the calf will be born too early and probably dead from the high temps. Or the high temps because he died. Irrelevant now. Her waters have broken.
Del is on her feet still, alternating grinding her teeth and mooing softly at the puddle of amniotic fluid.
I can hear the chatter of the piglets on the other side of the barn trying to convince their mother they need more milk. The clatter of frozen rain on the barn roof.
Inside I set a container of colostrum in a bath of warm water to thaw. There is a very small chance that she will give birth to a live calf. I have my gloves and towels just in case but chances are the high temps I did not catch in time will have killed the calf. He was so close too.
It can be up to four hours after the water breaks that cow will give birth. Usually Del is pretty fast. But so I wait. On my milking stool in the milking room I refuse to prepare for the season in case it jinxes the cow. Too late for that now I think. Though I do have another cow in the field. Locked out and close to calving too.
11.37 Del my beautiful cow stood for a while and then ate everything in her food bowl for the first time in days. I took a bucket and ran through the rain down to the hay field and picked her some fresh alfalfa and dock and she ate those too. Now she is laid back down. No contractions. All very calm. She is no longer wide wild eyed. The wind blows. My hands are getting really cold but it is spring and all my winter gloves are worn out or holey or lost. The piglets swarm their mother again. The roosters crow as the guineas chatter. No more sounds from Del. Relaxed through the wall behind me. Waiting for Phase Two of her labour to begin.
I can hear her breathing – gentle now.
I am trying not to worry that her water has broken and now nothing. I know it can take up to four hours. And two days ago this baby was nowhere near ready to be born. The vet is on call.
11.58 no change. Sleeping.
12.26 after noon. I spoke to the vet – we will give her another hour then I will get her to come out and have a look.
1.38 the vet is on her way. I need to find out what is happening. Del did get up and eat again though but either tail high and her back arching every now and then. She is in considerable pain. I have never seen a cow arch her back. Crunch up like that. Maybe the calf is inching upwards, he has a long way to go and was not prepared to be ejected – is he even facing the right direction? Does her body turn him headfirst on the way up?
1.48 I have brushed Del again to try and help her. I am back on my milking stool now – in the untidy milking room – cats sleeping in the deep straw – out of this hideous wind. Waiting for the vet – waiting for the calf. Zoning right down.
Poor Tia. It is blowing icy rain but she won’t come up. Staying under the trees. She can smell trouble – what a shit day.
Del keeps dropping strands of pre-birth / it is not called prebirth but that is what it is – the messy slimy stuff no one wants to talk about. But this is dark now and not normal. Something bad is coming. She gets up again and noses at the moisture – mooing softly. Smelling her calf.
Then she goes and eats again – she is suddenly starving. Eating everything.
I am past eating or drinking or even thinking. For a while I was quietly cleaning out the middle one but even that has stopped. Now I am all cow.
I am in a strange suspended purgatory world. Gone deep. Waiting for it to be over. Losing hope for a live calf to fight for. Time ebbs away. All other responsibilities recede. Just the wind pouring through the cracks in this ancient barn and the cow and me. She and I.
2.02 here is the vet driving up the lane.
We coaxed my exhausted stumbling cow into the stanchion. Long gloves – lots of lubricant and the vet put her arm as far as her shoulder into the cow and found the calf to be dead. After considerable labour on both their parts ( the vet and the cow) she was able to bring his hooves and head into alignment. Then we connected his feet to chains and heaved the poor dead bastard out. These two sentences write very easily but the act itself was visceral and full of awful and took a long time. The calf had been dead days. In fact his dying probably caused her fever – bringing her down and slowing her ability to expel this big calf.
Once we started pulling him out my anxiety dropped away. He was dead already so there was no desperate rush against time. All our focus was on saving Del. The physical work of it. She pushed and we pulled and heaved the big calf out.
Once it was over the vet went back in to check for damage and deposit medication. Already Del was standing straight again. Once I had freed her from the stanchion she strode to her water with electrolytes and drank half then resumed eating. She had soaked alfalfa cubes and beet shreds and grain.
She was also full of milk so later in the afternoon I milked her. Not too much / she does not need milk fever as well. But she milked well eating again. And she ate and ate as much as she could.
At night chores last night she was still dealing with pain and afterbirth and all that messy stuff but got stuck right into the half bale of hay I threw to her. She shows no sign of searching for or missing the calf. She is just worn out and hungry.
The wind and rain continued to howl all night. Molly had to have her door closed again. I left Del by herself and bedded Tia down in the milking room, today I will finish the cleaning second bay so I can use them both.
Tia is very full of milk also and now I am afraid her calf might be as big. But I will suspend that fear for a few more hours. I am tired. Because the problem was the calf dying in utero – his size had nothing to do with that event. She has pushed out big calves before. Tia is a big girl too.
So now, as long as Del recovers ok, milking is underway. It will take a week or so to clear plus she is full of antibiotics and an anti- inflammatory I need to check the withdrawal dates on all these medications.
Cold – 33f here this morning.
Tomorrow.
Celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
103 responses to “OVER NOW”
Thank you for taking the time to post. Del will recover quickly now – saving her was the priority and save her you did. 🙂
Somehow my reply to your reply ended up in a box of its own. And yes I agree – my first responsibility would always be the cow.
oh my- such hard work for everyone- hopeful Del will be ok. My goodness .
If most certainly was HARD labour
Like Misky, I read to the end without breathing, & then wept tears for the three of you, living & dead, for your ordeal & suffering. I remembered Dr. James Herriot of All the Creatures Great & Small & his many riveting encounters with cows calving in the middle of the night & his great compassion, expertise & strength. I’m glad Aunty Del has you, Celi, who cares for her so much, & your vet who brought that poor dead calf out at last. How much strength & expertise that must have taken. And now I can only keep on hoping for Del to be all right. You to get warm & rest, & for spring to come back to The Farmy. Love to all of you there.
I am watching her carefully – she is out in the field resting in the sun chewing her cud. So good to see
Wonderful news that!!
So sorry to hear she lost the calf. Hope Del stays well for you.
I hope so too
First, I’m so glad she is eating with gusto again and second, what a terribly painful experience. Glad it’s over, for her and you.
I was so glad when that calf finally slid out. What a relief that was
I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad Del is rid of what was weighing her down and is ready to recover, but there is no loss quite like lost hope and potential.
I know – he was a good looking calf too –
Like so many of us – I read this quickly holding my breath … and then slowly… feeling so sorry for you both. You and your dear Aunty Del made a good team. Love how you care for her and how you stood by – being patient and watchful. Sending wishes for a restful day now for you both.
The sun is out and we are all drying out and breathing better.
Like @jmcheney I was also reminded of James Herriot’s books…I read them all with baited breath just as I read this. Horrible, and sad, but so beautifully expressed. What a struggle it always is. An exhausting struggle. Take care of yourself.
A good struggle – I know I will look back on this part of my life with more smiles than tears
I love your outlook. Me too.
Yes! My first responsibility is to my cow who has worked tirelessly with me for years. I am so grateful we were able to save her – so far so good anyway
I have never met Del. I have never met you. The first thing I thought of when my eyes opened this morning was “ how are Del and Celi “……I have been following for so many years that you are family. My day starts with a visit to the “farmy”. I hold you in love and light. I dedicate Yoga practices to you. I am inspired by you. My husband will often look over my shoulder and remark….”visiting the farmy?” All that just to say what everyone has already said…..wow, what an ordeal please take care and feel all of us ,rooting for you and Del. ( and Tia).
C, I loved that it was a female vet…..seemed appropriate that in sistership, you worked
There is a very definite sense of oneness when two women work together. I emphasize the together because females don’t always work well together. This vet has the kind of personality that enables confidence and strength in others. So together we were as strong as three women.
You have been through the pain and hope of a lifetime in a single day. We felt we were there with you on that milking stool aching hands and heart. Such intense honest beautiful writing. As ghastly as it is to witness this poor calf’s birth, I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Aunty Del has survived. As terrible as the loss of the calf is, losing your sweet Aunty Del would have been much the worse disaster.
Still it’s a melancholy task to have to milk her twice a day for a long time. Cows are so mysterious!
Even though I am an avid fan of Dr Pol and have watched many calves being chained and cranked out, this is the quintessential armchair view not at all like the real, visceral thing, the wild assault on all the senses I can only imagine it to be. You’re quite a woman, Cecilia! Quite a woman and it’s a privilege to be a part of this fellowship.
I am so so grateful to have you reading alongside me. Thank you for these lovely words
I am sorry you lost the calf but glad that Del made it through. You must be exhausted.
Not really but I can feel the muscles in my shoulders. We worked hard yesterday
I’m so sorry about the calf, and so sorry about what Auntie Del to go through. I’m extremely relieved she’s OK. Happy for her and for you. Like everyone else I read that as fast as possible trying to take and what you’ve been through. This seems like a very intense experience, and I’m glad for you and Auntie Del that it is over. I hope you’re able to get some rest now. I’m glad the sun is back. I love your Vet, so glad you have her. Wishing you a restful and calming day to recover.
It was intense but when you are in it you are just focused on the animals – everything else recedes. So it may be intense but not overwhelming
Ah yes, I see the difference. Hope all is improving. I was starting to worry a bit since you haven’t posted today. (no pressure!)
Heart breaking, such sad news. You must be physically and mentally exhausted. Don’t forget to love yourself too my lovely miss c xx
Not tired at all this morning. But now I am going to get the Airbnb ready for my next guests and that is a nice gentle warm job
What Karla said and everyone else for that matter… And I too am glad the vet was a woman…just seemed there might have been more compassion in the whole ordeal somehow. So sorry C. but as you said, the most important thing was Del and she was saved and her misery was ended much sooner with your guidance and love for her.
Yes. Poor old girl is still struggling with pain especially when she lets her milk down- yesterday will take some getting over I bet
Yes so glad he was delivered safely in spite of it all and here’s hoping Aunty heals well and swiftly…