It is hard to write a farm lifestyle blog without the life bit getting in the way sometimes.
And as you know I try to keep family business private. Especially if it is not my business. So please forgive me my absences.
Let me just say.
Don’t be mean spirited. A person is a multi faceted being. Fragile in body and spirit. Ask yourself; Is this kind.
When in crisis – stand still for a moment. Ask yourself: So what are the outstanding questions and unresolved issues?
Asking yourself questions is critical.
I say to anyone who is minding an elderly person that if they fall and are not injured get down on the floor with them, go through the questions and make a plan to get up. Make a plan. Call the person in charge. Make another plan to find out why they fell.
Then together go through the next set of questions you need to ask yourself that will lead you to the unresolved issues.
By looking for the questions then verbalizing the answers we find clarity. What should I do first. What are my next three steps. Should I apply a stroke list? Or injury check. Or just comfort. Does my person need to take a breath and gather herself. Is she panicked – how do I help with that?
Do we need an ambulance.
And someone has to run point. And that person has to know everything. So feed them all the information you have. I had three phone calls in the night about different issues pertaining to different members of my extended family. I am running point for three unresolved issues. I can supply the questions calmly. Then we will clearly see the issues that need a resolution. And make a plan.
My steps for every call: Be kind. Be clear. Be objective. Make a plan. Apply comfort often. (Don’t wait for a crisis to comfort a person either). Move fast. Ask ourselves – is this issue resolved. When I was nursing we would write ‘episode over’. If you cannot say that – make the next plan.
Remember: all plans are subject to change. It is the law of such things.
All your decisions have ramifications. So choose wisely. Be transparent. If someone offers to help take them up on it. Send them to your point person so they can be folded into a plan.
Just because a person is old does not mean they lose choices. Women get to control their own bodies even after those bodies begin to become old and unreliable. So listen to your persons wishes.
Ok- we have another day of it.
If you are the person running point – (in John’s family they call me the handmaiden) – carry water, eat good food, have an extra layer, take notes, share your notes, wear your metaphorical life jacket. Remember when you leave the house it might be hours before you get back. (Refer to Plans Change) So – make a plan for back up.
My biggest problem is keeping up with the needy meat chickens!
Life will do what it does. Keep your head up, and use all your senses to answer your questions. And stay alert – there might be a fucking tsunami barreling down the pike.
Love. Love.
Celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
47 responses to “Put your Life Jacket On First”
The gift of aging is patience with the process. As I see body, other people, animals, and things getting older and deteriorating, my understanding expands. I’m learning that each has its gifts and limitations. The elderly are more frail than than those younger, but they have memories and experience that are often taken for granted. Ducks and geese have natural life jackets, and feet adapted for life in the water. Human beings have different abilities, including mental abilities to use tools, like hands, for creating other tools and habitats that nurture all life.
The “point person”, as you seem to describe it, is the back-up for all. Some might say that is a leader, but he/she/it is also a follower of events, in that he/ she/it must react to whatever happens and adapt in a way that sets examples for others. It’s a valuable and necessary role that demands a sense of organization and humility.
I agree that our old people are still strong and wild in their heads – so much knowledge packed in there and left idle. I am very aware that my old people have a voice. We certainly do all have our particular abilities. Mine is to go cool calm and quick in a crisis.
Thank you so much for a beautiful comment Katherine!
This rings true, Celi. I am caring for my elderly mother in her home and there is crisis after crisis. We’ll have two really bad days, followed by a good day. Things change all of the time.
That is the truest. Things change all the time and we have to continually adapt. Very hard on a full time caregiver like yourself. You are such an inspiration.
It appears our lives are happening quite similarly at the moment… I lost sight of my life jacket for a while. But it is there. Take care ♡
Strap that baby on!
We all need our life jackets.
I was caregiver to my maternal grandmother with my mother, then my father with my mother and then my mother. I was fortunate, they all were sharp as tacks till the end, no dementia of any kind. It was easier since they were capable of understanding the situations, asking for what they wanted/needed and being reasonable about it. Also was caregiver/step-parent to my spouse’s 5 children, some similar challenges and some very different. I’m helping occasionally with my step-granddaughter, her partner and their almost year old son. The problem here is that the step-granddaughter is very immature and has some questionable ideas about raising a child. If anything trying to get her to understand that some things are actually damaging to the child is frustrating and infuriating for both her partner and me. It just makes me want my own little house that much more. Anyway, having one’s life jacket is a necessity even if living alone.
You have shepherded so many of your family through. What a wonderful accomplishment. Maybe your step grand daughter just needs a few more years. Having babies young is wonderful and hard work. Altogether.
Hugs for now… and you’re in my thoughts for whatever’s going on Celi.
Your Nursing experience is irreplaceable♥️
Sorry that seas are stormy. I like your orderly approach and have forwarded it to a friend who has her life jacket on but needs a plan to get people back into the boat. I hope you’re in for calmer times. Maybe put in an auto feeder for the meat chickens like they have for cats.
Yes! I have fixed the chicken feeding problem – it was more about water too. I do hope my words help your friend – getting everyone back into the boat would be a feat!
First put on your own oxygen mask and life jacket. Be warm and fed and watered and capable. The whole Farmy Family is sending love, kindness, compassion, strength, calm and clarity, all the things you need to deal. The very old are like fragile books; you need to handle with care, not drop them or leave them out in the rain, but they have so much information and wisdom still to offer if one takes the time to read…
That is a perfect simile. I will think of old people as fragile books forever now! Ok! No leaving her out in the rain!
I enjoy reading your words as much as seeing the photos.
And here was me thinking you were only here for the pigs! 😂
This was a very good read. I’m glad I made time to read it all. Great advice and I’d like to copy and put it in my trolley, just in case I’d be on the receiving end of that so I definitely deem it excellent advice. Thanks for sharing it.