As you know we do not have cable TV. But because the rugby world cup had low ratings in the States, it was being shown on the free TV channels out here on the prairies. So we got to see a bit of it.
John decided to take an interest.
What is that dance thing?
That is the haka. Best not to describe it as a dance thing though, it is meant to terrify the opponents. All very serious that is. Personally, I think it is the best bit.
And so John would watch some more. I would stand in the corner with a tea towel and think about staying for a minute.
So how much are they worth? John asks.
Worth? They are not professional. And you don’t buy people in New Zealand. There are other ways of keeping them but they don’t buy and sell rugby players. They all have real jobs.
You have got to be kidding. He said. They must get paid. Who would do this if they didn’t get paid. The boys on the tele drop into a scrum. Thump. You mean they train after work? What are they doing now? (see apology to john at the end of this piece)
Oh, I know this bit. A scrum is all about weight. The backs are in there heaving that is why they have some really big fellas in there. They are called backs because they have very heavy backs and stand up the back. Or maybe those are the forwards. Whoever they are they get down and try to push the other team closer to their goal and the other team heaves them away and they call each other names and kick the ball about with their boots and try to get it out to their guy who grabs it runs with it under the goal posts. He has to press it into the ground though for it to be a goal. You can’t just run and dance around under there.
But they are kicking it now, says John. To the wrong guy. Well, what are the rules? Don’t you know the rules?
Oh the rules. Well. I was never very good with rules.
Well he kicked, says John, why did he kick, there seems no reason for him to kick and then he chased it, what is going on here and why does the ref keep blowing the damn whistle.
I think you are onto it now, honey, I think you are meant to blame the ref. It seems to me that you are supposed to jump up off the couch, point to a corner of the TV screen and then scream: Ref, Ref, are you blind? How could you have missed that? What are you doing out there?! Are you an idiot?! Then call him all kinds of filthy words and say mean things about his relationship with his mother. It pretty much is always the refs fault, I think.
I still can’t believe they don’t get paid. What if they are injured?
Well, they fix you for free in NZ, especially for injuries. And the clubs would help out I guess. I suppose they would have medical insurance so they can go to a posh hospital. Not many people have medical insurance at home. You don’t have to. We have big free hospitals. And remember they don’t always play for the All Blacks that is just for the international games. They all come from different regions and late in the season they are chosen for the All Blacks. It all has something to do with socks. Each region has different socks but the same shorts. No pockets in their shorts though, that is not allowed. It seems to me that their shorts used to be shorter. Oh dear, look at that fellow with all his hair. You would think someone would pull it.
It goes like this: school teams, club teams, regional teams and then the All Blacks. Then they all go back to their clubs afterwards I think. Though I am not completely sure. I didn’t know there was going to be a test!
Well, why aren’t they wearing helmets? No shoulder pads, nothing.
It’s the All Blacks, John. Their shoulders are wide enough without padding. They wear mouth guards, tiny thin shin pads that are hardly worth the effort and a box for their .. you know, ghoulies. Oh, there is a guy with a little soft helmet. How sensible. I think that is because they don’t want cauliflower ears. At least they don’t tuck barmaids towels into their pants.
They only play together for a short time and then they go back to work as brickies or chippies or scarfies. Some of them go to uni, but I do wonder. They have to take time off from work to play. Oh look he almost clothes-lined him. Ref! That guy is mean, look at his eyes they are way too close together. Well, I don’t like him at all.
I don’t think you are helping, says John.
Oh. Maybe we should call senior son, he can tell you. Or maybe eldest son. You know. I sit down, warming to the subject. John sighs. After the game they all go back to the club house and have a cup of tea. After they have swapped their jerseys. Though I think they only swap jerseys so that they can show their bodies to the girls in the stands. Seems to me they walk about with their shirts off for bit long! And it is winter remember. Cold.
Well, one thing I know for sure John says, looking at the running carnage on the screen. Those guys are not drinking tea after the game.
Well, maybe that is cricket. You are right, Rugby is beer. After a club game, both teams shower in their separate changing rooms, dress in their Number Ones, spray on their smellies and they all meet in the clubhouse for a drink and a feed. All clubs have a club house. The Mums from the home team cook huge amounts of food and everyone eats together. You always feed the other team before they get back on the bus. It would be rude not to. Can’t send them away hungry and sober. Every club has a bar. It is mandatory.
Don’t they fight each other?
In the club house? Good God No, well at least not ’til after they have had a few more drinks and maybe moved to another bar. If things are uncomfortable, if they won I mean, the Away Team will eat quietly at the Away Team tables, then shake everyones hand and say they have a long bus ride home. No, they only hate the ref. The ref only stays for one short drink then scarpers. If he turns up at all. Everyone hates the ref. They don’t hate each other. Half of them have played together one way or the other. It is a tiny country. It is just a game you know. Though I have been told not to say that in company. 
Well, back to the dishes. Sing out darling, if you have any more questions!!
c
editors note: apparently (senior son just called) the All Blacks DO make pots of money running about the paddock wreaking havoc. So apologies John. When you get home from work I shall burst the bubble! I thought they just did it because they loved it! What was I thinking? In fact they all get paid! I am appalled! c
The Kitchen's Garden 
66 responses to “New Zealand Week: watching the rugby from the prairies!”
Loving it cecilia!especially the bit about forwards calling each other names in the scrum.
As a forward, and the heaviest, ugliest of the forwards a prop (we’re not very bright 😉 ) am glad that someone has finally explained the rules to me in a nice simple way, I’ve just been running round the pitch hitting people all these years!
Oh and I can confirm it is beer we drink after…..
Cheers
Marcus
Oh excellent marcus, so they are the forwards.. good.. learning all the time!. Thank you.. now I have to ask, do you have the cauliflower ears? c
Yep definately forwards. I love my rugby, though should know better now i’m older, just can’t stop playing! I don’t have cauliflower ears thanks to me being sensible and most of the time wearing a scrum cap, but some of my friends have wonderful cauliflower ears.
I think i’ll just stick to cauliflower cheese myself!
Cheers
Marcus
So why are Rugby shirts all stripey? or are they? The game still confuses me but the story is too funny! Every club has a bar? LOL t
their training shirts and socks are stripey sometimes Miss T .. but the all blacks are dressed in ALL BLACK with a little silver fern on the muscly chests. (simpler for them that way) and yes the bar is very important to drink the beer .. c
Oh, good. I was right. Even a native doesn’t know all the rules…I’ve watched a few – do they call them ‘matches’, or ‘games’? – and to an outsider, it looks like there are no rules.
I’m always threatening to take friends who come over from France to a baseball game…Hubby says that would be cruel.
Oh, and that first photo? Breathtaking….
Those shots are from the infamous Route 66 trip.. they are an old abandoned zoo! I thought it was appropriate.. but it is possible that only I will laugh!!.. a french baseball game, well that would be interesting! c
I think they actually all shower together in one big stall and that’s payment enough … but I won’t say that in company …
Or there’s a communal bath in the clubhous where they all muck in together, mingling mud, singing utterly filfthy songs and knocking back pints. BTW they are professionals in the club game nowadays – at least in UK. I don’t know about NZ. An ex-England captain, Phil Vickery, has just won Celebrity Masterchef on TV, cooking the most delicate and pretty haute cuisine dishes. He has two cauliflower ears, so obviously didn’t wear a scrum cap!
PS Beautiful pictures, but where are the rugbymen?
I have no rugby men out here on the prairies ViV! Next time i am home i shall stalk some for you! I do need to check up on the professional level, tho i am fairly sure that the All Blacks are still Amateur status. I know they have professionals in rugby league but that is different.. fancy that rugby guy being a cheffie.. how cool.. and i so thought that the communal bath was a myth.. thanks viv.. c
Cindy, if that is the case I want pictures, pure research you understand!
Love my rugby!
More magnificent photographs C!
🙂 Mandy
I shall get John to call you next time, he is treating my answers with a certain level of suspicion.. c
Go Kiwis! 🙂 I was happy for their win, and rugby is fascinating to watch once you get into it.
It is I know. Sadly noone has ever been able to get me INTO it and they have tried believe me! c
C… just got back from a vacation and catching up.. you are hilarious! I’d love to hear your take on hockey! It does make those sports seem kind of silly, eh??
Hockey, don’t get me started on hockey! I wondered where you were.. hope you had a great vacation!! c
I’ve always wondered about rugby & its rules but there was never anyone to ask. The thing is, after reading your post, I’m not so sure I know someone now. I did like the photos, though. Really beautiful and I found it hilarious that they are of an abandoned zoo. I come here daily, Celi, expecting to exit with a smile. You never disappoint. Thanks!
I love that you visit every day John, and you are absolutely correct in assuming that i know almost nothing about rugby! I knew that the irony of the abandoned zoo would not ecape you! c
I loved to read this too… even I don’t have any idea, about this sport… But whatever you write I like to read, in your hand it’s being so interesting and enjoyable for me. And yes, I loved these photographs, how beautiful touches with this blue sky… I wished to be there and watch the sunrise or sunset… Thank you dear Cecilia, Have a nice day, with my love, nia
Thank you nia, i am sure you would love that desert landscape it is glorious out there! c
Thanks for the play by play of you and John. 😉 It was a crack up.
I am not sure that he was amused but I sure enjoy myself!! c
Beautiful pictures!
Thank you Jamie Anne.. c
When I see photos like these I am vividly reminded that there are parts of the world with big skies and relatively clean air and I sit up a bit stragither and breathe in. I just want to stand and watch the sky stretch out forever, so far you can see the weather fronts coming in…
Magnificent untangling of the complexities of the game, I worked in an office full of rugby men for a few years. Sweet and gentle chaps, covered in dreadful wounds each Monday, but always good for a laugh and took their turn at making the coffee. Bless them and very clean and tidy, must be all those communal baths 🙂
What is with those communal baths?.. How did that come about. A Roman influence?.. and yes those big skies are all around are magnificent and after living in london for years it really is the cleanest purist air.. c
You and John’s dialogue just creaks me up lol. You guys are just hilarious lol. And I do love those photos
Thanks Kay, thank god it is over that is all i can say!
My old boss’s brother was the national coach for Rugby Canada’s women’s team about five years ago. He gave me tickets to a World Cup match here, and that’s where I saw my first ever, in-person, authentic NZ haka. Wowzers. Terrifying? Well, no. But very, very cool 🙂
Very cool, the ground thuds when they hit it! awesome that you got to see it! c