Do you ever think in words?

Do you form whole sentences in your mind as you go about your day.


An essay that runs through your head in a gentle voice as you form and reform commentary.  Not like hearing voices. This voice is your own voice, searching for just the right word with just the right sound. A running dialogue as though there is a friend next to you who listens and nods. Yes, yes. I know.  And you want to get it just right so they

Do you frame and reframe pictures thinking why did you leave Camera House inside.  Taking pictures with your minds shutter. Click. Reframe, tighten, click.  Zoom. Tuck. Adjust.  Wish I had my camera! Oh I know you all do that!

Do you have a soundtrack that plays in the basement of your mind, often just out of earshot  like the whine of a mosquito in the next room but sometimes it escapes through the smudged  door of your lips as a hum, and other times as a verse of a song and other times is finished with a shout of “Get behind you useless excuse of a dog! Good Boy Ton Ton.   Good boy.   Sit Boo Boo …SIT!do-you-think-on-words-098

I hope it is not only me who does these things.

Do you imagine meeting people you have not seen for years, maybe they are even dead already and then you have ordinary little conversations with them about cabbages or planting trees or cakes or how you both despise pink icing, but there are no sounds only smiles on your lips that someone else may interpret as happiness but really they are just

Do you look at the sky and see the vapor trails of planes flying so high you cannot hear the engines. Carrying all those little people and all their important dreams and they do not know that you are watching the vapor tail of their plane and you wish that soon it will be you going home. But home is a vapor trail. Nebulous in its whimsical sandcastle construction.  Home is not where the heart is, home is where the child was.

Do you ever think what the hell am I going to make for tea tonight. It feels like every single day of my life since I was 15 I have had to decide what to have for dinner, plan it, time it so it is all hot and cooked at the same time and on the table for dinner when someone else wants it.  Because I don’t. And then clean up after it.  Of course I have not had to cook every night but sometimes it FEELS like it.  It is not the cooking that bothers me it is the deciding WHAT to cook.  Do you ever think to yourself, if I have to do this one more time I am carting myself off the loony bin.  i will make the call.  I will wrap myself in the straight jacket. At least they give you four square meals a day there and then you wonder why they are called ‘square’ how can a meal be square. Does it come on a square plate?  Is the food arranged in a square?  Why four? Are you mad already?do-you-think-on-words-046

Then you think something else but it is so fleeting that it is gone before you can take a mental note but who reads mental notes anyway.  They perch  yellowly, stuck to the walls of your brain, fluttering just out of reach.  On the tip of your tongue like litmus. And  then do you think I better not be thinking idle thoughts, that would be a terrible waste of time. The devil makes work for idle hands and idle thoughts seem like a natural extension.

And you try again to think about what to make for dinner and end up making an apple pie because you have apples. And since the oven is on you make some bread as

Do you ever think like that or is it just me. Do you ever wonder, like I do, why my food shots just look like food. They have none of the sharp moody charisma of the real food shots.


Do you ever think about a person then wonder if they are thinking about you?

Do you ever wonder why the males of the species in the animal and bird kingdoms are the most flamboyant  and colourful  but not in the human kingdom.


Do you ever think in words. Do you dream in colour. I dreamed once that a man gave me a gate. A big wide farm gate. This is an old dream. I walked down a pot holey country road in my city and short skirt carrying a wide green heavy gate.  Though in the dream it felt more unwieldy than heavy. do-you-think-on-words-091

Askance. That is the word that accompanies your look. You look at me askance, but you see  – it is OK not to get it right all the time. It is OK to sit down and think what am I doing. Am I doing it right. Can I do it better. Do I need to bother. It is OK to say  – what do you think? It is!


Are you sometimes very tired as the autumn approaches. The time for moving animals off to the abbatoir, the weight of the choices that are mine.  Their eyes sit in my eyes. We blink. The time for closing the gardens and windows. Ticking down into our hibernations. Our caves full of wine and tomatoes. The time for counting your stores and laying in the layers, hoping there is enough.

Do you sometimes wish you could undo life’s silver Thought Domes, guiltily clicking the snaps apart with deft fingers, and slide the thinking off for a minute and lay it folded neatly on the chair to breathe on its own  for a wee while and then you step out of your thoughts so you can be the light again, just for a moment.  In the moment. Just for a moment.

Good morning.

I hope you have a lovely day.  I do.

your friend on the farm, celi


133 Comments on “Do you ever think in words?

  1. I dunno Cecelia.

    That apple pie shot looks pretty good to me…..and the dough on the table looks…..pretty good to me too (nothing’s worse than over garnished, perfectly arranged food photos. I like a little natural messiness….call it ‘a la naturale’).

    Sounds to me like you need a little break from the everyday routine.

    • Morning vicki, I delight in my everyday routine but yes sometimes we need to slow down and wonder a bit too, have a lovely day.. c

  2. Wow! That is food for thought! Not meaning to spout cliche! I think in words constantly! I have a running dialog speeding along even in my sleep! It never stops…just runs and skips along sometimes pausing for a pondering…then off again! LOL I never felt crazy. Just aborbed in the intrigue with the ability to wander off in so many directions and back up and erase the words I am not happy with that comprise thoughts of sadness and worry! We may be more concerned with our looks than the animals…preening and strutting in our finery…but the gentle beauty of the less arrayed is eye catching in a humble, soft, and gentleness that is preferable and beauty in itself. Don’t you agree? 😀

    • Ah yes, that is exactly it. Sometimes we get so absorbed in ourselves we forget to wonder how others are coping with the same feelings..I hope you have a lovely day.. c

  3. Well I’ll be blessed…. you have days like that as well… where you have to write the things of which we probably all wonder… a philosophical day, a day of pondering the imponderable.. the days of what the hell is going on in my head.. those days when the voices seem to be so much louder, those when you actually have that conversation with yourself, even answering out loud… and here I am not wanting to tell anyone in case they think the old man has lost his marbles, and you go and put it on paper, or screen, or post it…. for all to see… now I either feel better as I’m not alone, or I wonder, are there just the two of us and I must continue to keep it to myself and we both end in the funny farm??? Hmmmm all of this now to ponder and where shall my answer come from… maybe not the farmy… (loved this post)

    • And imagine what our pups think about it all!!!! LOL If there is such a thing as reincarnation…I would like to come back as my pup! She was loved beyong words. 😉

          • Thank you Bulldog darling man, what a fantastic message for me. There you are then, if we both end up in the loony bin together we will know what the other is thinking!! Lovely that you feel this way too, so heartening.. take good care.. c

            • Now your ponderings have made me write this poem about you… damn you and your thoughts…

              Do you stand in the morn in anticipation?
              Ready to greet the dawn with appreciation,
              That another day is about to start,
              And fill you with a grinning heart.

              Do you watch the dog who sits and stares?
              And wonder why he has that glare,
              Or the bird that looks like its in danger,
              From you that is but a stranger.

              Do you listen to the voice in your head?
              Instead of returning to your bed,
              To lie and rest before the day of toil,
              Or to bounce your partner’s dream to spoil.

              Do you start the day with a song in your heart?
              Or with thoughts of what today you’ll impart,
              Of intelligence and creation your blog to post,
              Of the things your followers like most.

              Does your day start on Cecila’s farm?
              With chores as long as your forearm,
              With cows to milk and chickens to feed,
              All of which her do so need.

              Maybe to cut the green new grass,
              And store it for the winter, not past,
              But rather for that one to come,
              And the day isn’t over till it is done.

              To move the small porkers,
              That have become real corkers,
              With antics that keep the dogs awake,
              Looking steadily, hoping for them to make a mistake.

              Or to move the sheep from one small field,
              To allow more grass to grow and yield,
              Or the small hoekoes mobile shed,
              That needs moving instead.

              What of the bottles of preserves,
              That her attention does deserve,
              Or to discover that special bottle of peach brandy,
              That in a time of despair can become quite handy.

              The fields of corn,
              That in the morn,
              Do make that special time of day,
              Sing in her heart like the song of a Blue Jay.

              • Oh.. Oh.. that simply magnificent.. to write a poem for me. How wonderful you are . you have quite made my day.. thank you.. Now off I go to move the hoekoes who will NEVER stay in the field where they are put. I do sing in my heart too.. bless.. c

              • Wonderful poem Bulldog! And our Celi certainly deserves wonderful things….as we all do!!!

                • Thank you.. she is such an inspiration as to what she gets through in a day.. and I’m not a poet, but somehow this just seemed to write itself…

                • Thank you so much… I admire her work ethics and tenacity to take on anything… this wrote itself, I’m no poet, but she is inspirational…

  4. I am a little uncomfortable that you have been inside my head and know how I think. I’m not sure what to do about that.

    I sometimes intentionally leave my camera behind, but I cannot help framing shot after shot, changing angles to get the light and background just right.

    Sometimes the weight of difficult decisions feels like an unfair burden. You are making the right decision. The animals are living out their purpose, and they are living it well.

    • Your heart is aching. It’s heavy. Farming is not an easy life sometimes. My hubby used to thin out the barn cats. I wondered how this kind, gentle and generous man could do such a thing that was so against the grain for me. I asked him how he could do it. He got the saddest look in his eyes. He told me that he hated doing it. This is the way it was done on the farm. Thinning out the weak and sick. I saw that it hurt him deeply. Now we have six barn cats all neutered! All have their wellness exams and rabies shots and are fat and sassy, with a heated house in the barn! One problem solved. This is a way of life that is not always kind. But everyone eats…everyone is cared for…and when the time comes…everyone dies in the most merciful way possible. (((Ceci))) Feel the hugs? 🙂

    • Just like you to get to the heart of the matter Cliche darling. It is so weighty though. I feed them and care for them all by myself then i arrange their transport all by myself and carry the packages to the freezers and people doors afterwards all by myself. It does feel heavy at this time of year when everyone to too busy elsewhere. I do understand absolutely the rational side of it and I have chosen to be the grower of the food so i think that sometimes it is OK to allow the weight to rise if you like. Makes me human.. have a lovely day with your beautiful turtles,. c

      • The mental image of you carrying the packages to the door haunts me. My heart hurts for you. I wish I could help you carry the weight at least a little.

  5. Absolutely, glad it’s not just me! Hope you’re taking a little time to slow down though celi. Only thing I don’t agree with is that for me, home is where the heart is – even if it’s building site of a house or two days in the car travelling hopefully. It’s where I am now…and then…

    • This is good, you have brought your inner child with you. Somehow mine got left at the beach. I keep wanting to go back. I am so glad you think like this too! See how alike we all are! c

      • I miss the beach too. Grew up in New England and spent my childhood on the saltwater. Now I am landlocked. Ocean or my sweetheart…hmmmm…definitely my sweetheart! But I do miss the moist salt air and the gulls screeching! 😀

  6. Yes, and yes, and most certainly, and yes again. I rarely fuss over what to fix for dinner. I cook what strikes me as interesting and palatable on the moment. And goodness help me but I’m in a constant dialog with myself, rhyming prose mostly, metered, and a great deal of it I forget before I can find a pen … much as I watch clouds come and go and disappear into blue-trapped vapour. I don’t know if I dream in colour but I do dream poetry and flash fiction, wake and have to write it down. I often can’t read my writing in the morning, and then think “You numpty – what are playing at, girl?” But mostly, c, I’ve thinking a lot this week. I turned 62 yesterday. A cousin died in her sleep the day before; she was 62. Natural causes. She went to sleep and didn’t wake. Two parents died in the past 11-months, all of my children have moved to different continents … and I’m thinking that I shouldn’t waste wishes on silence. Silent wishes are never heard and never effect/affect anyone. If you blow out birthday candles, shout out for all to hear what your wishes are. Which is why I bought an iMac the other day. Always wanted one; stop wishing for one, I thought, and just buy the bloomin’ thing. And so I did.

    Good morning, c.

    • Wow, good for you, that will be a learning curve! But you will love it. Is it cmall and light?
      I have a trick for writing in the night. I have a small notebook and i leave it open to the blank page every night. Then if something occurs to me I reach down and write the sentence, for every new sentence I turn a page, that way I don’t write words on top of each other. It works! You are on a new page with your life too, I have watched you go through a lot, even the house on top of it all. Happy Birthday! 62 is a very grown up age. I wish you wonderful words!.. c

      • And I wish you a joyous life and much love from all who know you.

        An iMac is an “all-in-one” whatsit with all the mechanical doohickies somewhere in the big screen. I’m having fun learning new things, and there’s certainly a lot to learn with a Mac. Re night-writing: I keep a notebook and pencil beside the bed, but I can’t read my writing in the morning. It’s as if some vagabond drunkard wrote it who happened to be passing by while I slept.

        • damn vagabonds! they have a lot to answer for.. in fact i was wishing for one the other day, he could sleep in the barn, and do odd jobs, god knows i have plenty of odd jobs! c

  7. I like your baking rituals; today was a winding down day I must remember to pick myself back up for Monday. Its almost Sunday, enjoy your Saturday it was very good.

  8. morning Celi ; you have the brain of someone way smarter than me writing must come to you like breathing does to most people . i had a little trouble following some of it 🙂 as i am a guy 🙂 but the what to fix for dinner i can relate to . be a blessing mike

  9. Not everyone is able to put their thought into words that they think are worthy…but the heart knows them and feels them. Intelligence comes in many forms! I personally think that deciding what to make for dinner is fun and takes great creativity! Especially when that chicken is sitting in it’s naked glory on the counter wondering what comes next! LOL

  10. Yes and yes and yes and yes, Specially the “what to cook for supper” one, which I loathe. But I’m having a semi-rest from that for the first time in my adult life, as Jock is doing the cooking. But he still asks what I want, and then I have to tell him how to do it! Bought veal papillotes in a (home-made before injury) pepper sauce tonight.
    Enjoy your weekend..

    • Papillotes – I shall look that up, the pepper sauce sounds interesting too.. With Jock’s attention to detail (shown in his art) I imagine you are being very well fed.. thank him for me.. c

  11. Celi, today I’m taking away a quote from you. “Home is not where the heart is, home is where the child was.” This is one of those bone true statements, at least for me. I always say I’m going home, when I go to see my mother. I wish I had time during the day to think as you described (I do know of what you write). I must think all day about my job and so my thinking isn’t allowed to ramble as much as I’d like. It is that rambling thinking that allows for creativity. When I have two or three days to myself, my thinking takes on this quality. Beautiful write today, Celi. Enjoy your day.

    • You are very lucky to have a job that demands your focus, it.. is almost a form of relaxation to be able to turn the minds voice off and get to the job at hand. This is how it is when i read.. mostly.. if it is a good book!!! c

  12. No, it’s not just you! What to make for food everyday is a hassle I go through daily. When a finicky eater is part of the equation, it’s often almost impossible. Arrgh!

    • John’s son is a vegetarian, a fussy vegetarian to boot, and his daughter decided to be a vegan, so i do know about finicky eaters, it makes life hard for an old fashioned cook. Now it is just he and I and he is so tired at the end of his day that he honestly does not care what he is fed.. c

  13. Yes to most of those thoughts I think, apart from the home one. For me it’s where the heart is. As for your food shots, I could reach out and eat them all so you must be doing something right!

    • Your package has come Christine! And he is beautiful. i am going to take him in to be framed and then i will wrap him for John’s birthday next month. What fantastic timing too! He will be so impressed.. Thank you so much for that! c

      • That’s great! I checked the tracking thingie this morning and it said that it had been delivered. I was going to check with you if it was true or whether I was going to have to get assertive at the post office!!! I hope that John likes it.

  14. oh, you are not the only one! and your food shots look amazing. “…home is where the child was..” so true… but then also every place i lived in is home.

    • You are another traveller too Cat, who lives far away from where you were born. I am glad that you keep your home close to your heart .. that is good.. c

  15. This resonates so much with me. When I’m driving in particular, I’ll compose articles and letters in my head. I just wish I could vocalise it – but opening my mouth stops the flow!!

    • Morning Sally, funny how vocalising something makes the words sound different. Maybe we should be talking to ourselves! c

  16. Ah, home is where the child was. Yes. I have a lump in my throat and a strange prickle behind my eyes, remembering the last time I went home. It wasn’t there… it was a stranger’s house and garden and I couldn’t even stop the car to look at it, it hurt so much.

    I do think in words, and I do dream in colour, oh yes! I am lucky in that I’ve taught my hubby to cook and he likes it, so even when it is my turn he decides what I’m making. Ahhhhhhh.

    I’m also going to consider it a form of luck that I don’t have to experience your heart-heaviness when it comes time to make food out of animals. I would, if I could, but until and if that happens, I’ll be grateful that others like you have to make those hard choices. Thank you.

    • It is funny – going home – isn’t it. We are such a messy collection of emotions – people \Holding onto images of what we long for. But unable to ever properly retrieve them. c

      • I can, from a distance. But faced with the reality of what it is ‘now’, all my memories looked dusty. I really realised what is meant by ‘you can’t go home again.’ Best to stay at home, like my husband has, and share all the decades of life and stories and laughter, and him help make more of all three – or leave forever and remember home as it was, those moments forever crystallised as if in amber.

  17. I always have a little running commentary going in my head. I like the way that when I write about my days they become something composed, the way that I remember images I have photographed or drawn differently. But the thing that really leapt off the screen for me in this post was cooking meals every day. Deciding is absolutely the worst part. I agonize over it. Conversely, when I have a nice stack of ideas on the back burner I feel safe and secure. It is not unlike garden work for me; sometimes one thing leads to another and it all ticks along nicely. And other times nothing seems to lead anywhere and I feel like I’m just left holding a lot of loose ends. I lived reading this. Thank you!

    • You are a kindred spirit Siobhan.. holding all those loose ends is how i feel today but tomorrow maybe you and I will have sewn them all back in! c

  18. I sometimes rehearse whole conversations in my head.
    I’d like to see more of your food pictures, though we do get to see a lot of cute dinners running around the farm 😉

    • Most of my food pics are too awful for words, but the light is lower now so they are turning out better. Soon things will be less busy and i am going to really study everyone elses food shots and work out why they are so good. There is something I am missing and i can’t quite put my finger on it. c

      • My recommendation is to use natural light and make sure it’s in focus.
        There are an awful lot of people out there shooting pictures that imitate M&S catalogues – that’s not necessarily a good thing.
        Have a look at Tessa Traeger’s food photography for examples of really outstanding work 😉

  19. Yes to all of your questions. But what eloquent words and colorful pictures you’ve used today to take us all on that journey of the mind. My mind is very tired today. But to stop and appreciate those thoughts and those images was a respite. Lovely celi.

    • I am glad your mind is tired too,i am not so alone in it, maybe we all need to undo the snaps, and hooks and zips and relax our minds a little.. c

  20. Deciding what to make for dinner! Ah! I hate it. My husband has heart disease and diabetes which means no sugar, no fat, no sodium. City folk that we are we buy from the grocery store. Everything has either fat or sugar and TONS. of sodium. Ain’t got no garden neither. Health is EVERYTHING. Plus–and here’s my greatest excuse–I’m Irish.

    Celi, what is so so wonderful about you, your life extremely busy, and yet you take the time and EFFORT to share yourself with others. I love the fact that when you look back on your life you can truly say you didn’t waste a minute of it. You were in the moment, every moment. Know this book? WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Well, Celi, you could have written it.

    • You are Irish! Then you will be able to make anything with potatoes! That’s what my Mum reckoned anyway. Diabetes is such a trial but as you know responds well to a good clean diet. But good clean diets are often repetitive, I remember my Auntie (who had 8 kids) saying Oh how I wish i could just give everyone a pill three times a day.. I did not understand what she meant at the time but I sure do now. Though i am eating fried potatoes for breakfast and loving them! Have you come across those ceramic saucepans yet? You can fry things (like potatoes or eggs) without any butter or grease. This might be useful for the no fat side of that diet. c

  21. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Me too. Yes. Not just you. You are not alone. Yes again. And yes. And yes. More “yes” than you thought. Yes is not enough to say how “yes” the answer is.

  22. As I read all the comments, I see that there are many of us who can relate to the voice in your head. I think that is a big part of what draws us to your blog. I, too, have a notepad beside my bed and have learned how to write on it in the dark so that I don’t write one thing on top of another. Until now, I thought I was completely alone in that. Thank you for taking the time each day to share your inner voice, and the beautiful photos of a life well lived. Even on the most difficult days, it is an inspiration.

    • Good morning barb, This then is what makes us a Fellowship. Like minded people have collected here in the comments lounge.. it is like a little bit of magic really.

  23. I just wrote a long and lengthy post hit enter to realize I had lost the internet and everything disappeared into the ether never to be seen again!
    Anyway I was congratulating you on a very profound post and saying that from the replies you can see you are not alone with your internal commentary! As for holding conversations with someone that may or may not be around any more, do it all the time with my Dad, both silently and out loud. He died 18 years ago in my arms, very sudden and he was only 69. Miss him so much. However our ‘conversations’ are never sad, in fact sometimes I laugh quite loudly as I now having the same sense of humour he would see the same fun in the things I do! He is the reason I love the earth and gardening. Also he came from a very simple background, his family being coal miners, but had a share mind and knew so many things. He would get 5 library books out every fortnight, 2 fiction and 3 non fiction. So I get his love of wards too. In fact I cant count how many times my Mum has said (in a nice way) “you are just like your father”, which makes my day!
    As for meal times, I am now living on my own for the first time in my life so meal times are very different. Yes I can eat what I want, when I want or not at all, that is the plus side. But I miss the company around the diner table, and making special meals for a special person.

    • Doesn’t that bite when you write something and the cosmos gobbles it up. But your words about your father are so lovely. They ring so true. I know about living alone. We develop little coping ways. I am reminded of a joke if you can bear with me! I hope I have not told you this one. (I am paraphrasing) “A man walks into a restaurant. He holds one finger up to the Maitre d’. A table for one it is understood. The rather distinguished Maitre d’ reaches for one menu and turns to look into the restaurant then back to the man. Well sir, he says, I have a table by the bar, a table by the palm tree, or would Sir prefer a corner in the kitchen where he can dine standing at the counter looking out the window?”
      That always made me laugh. I used to do exactly that when I was by myself. I either stood and ate or sat at the table with a book held open with the salt shaker. Like you I was alone a lot in those days,and also like you I was never lonely. But i did enjoy cooking for company! c

      • LOL oh that sounds so much like me – book (or Kindle) propped up on the salt shaker!! At least with my animals my thoughts voiced out loud can be said to be directed at them, so it doesn’t look like I am talking to myself!!

    • I am so glad that you understand and that feeling bad is ok. i know it is the way of these things .. we are strong of heart but we will never be hard of heart.. have a lovely day Linda.. c

  24. “Are you sometimes very tired as the autumn approaches. The time for moving animals off to the abbatoir, the weight of the choices that are mine. Their eyes sit in my eyes. We blink.”

    “Askance. That is the word that accompanies your look. You look at me askance, but you see – it is OK not to get it right all the time. It is OK to sit down and think what am I doing. Am I doing it right. Can I do it better. Do I need to bother. It is OK to say – what do you think? It is!”

    OK . . . here’s what I think.

    I could NOT do what you do. Raising animals for food makes no sense to me. If your heart is heavy at the idea of taking your animals to the abbatoir . . . maybe your heart is telling you that you are “not doing it right”?

    “If a man aspires towards a righteous life, his first act of abstinence is from injury to animals.” ~ Albert Einstein

    “Life is life ~ whether in a cat, or dog, or man. The idea of difference is a human conception for man’s own advantage.” ~ Sri Aurobindo

      • Thank you Nancy. We take our animals to a very small abbatoir that only deals with a few animals a day, it is a very clean and decent place run by good people. If I were not farming I would not be here. But I do take your point.. I do hope you have a lovely day.. c

      • 1. Being a “farmer” is not synonymous with raising animals for food.

        I know lots of farmers who don’t have animals to care for. Instead, of raising chickens and pigs and cows for slaughter, they grow fruits, veggies, grains, nuts, seeds, berries, herbs. As an added bonus: during the winter months, they don’t have to slog through the ice and snow at 4 am to care for animals in the barn. Instead they sit inside, fireside, to plan their gardens and wait for spring to warm up the soil for planting. :mrgreen:

        2. I had to laugh at Lyn’s defense of your practices:

        “You have to eat, and whilst I respect those that believe Vegan, or vegetarian is right for them, we are omnivores and have manged to outlive most other species of animals because of this.”

        I expect that we have “managed to outlive most other species of animals” for reasons far afield from the fact that some humans choose to be omnivores rather than adopting a vegetarian or vegan diet ~ habitat destruction, deforestation, recreational hunting, pollution, etc., all spring to mind.

        3. Since you have chosen to raise animals to kill them, I’m glad that you slaughter them as humanely as possible.

        Do listen to your heart if it asks you to make changes. Consistency is over-rated.

        • Nancy, What i think is most important about the Comments Lounge is that people feel free to expound their own thoughtful and intelligent ideas and their processes and ways of doing things. And I am so grateful that you have joined in with your ideals. We are all different and that is lovely. And i respect all opinions, we all come from different backgrounds and cultures and it makes us no better than each other only different. I like that. And the wonderful thing is that we can all get together and exchange these ideas in an intelligent and thoughtful discussion right here so that we all have plenty to think about and can nod and say thank you. So once again, thank you for wading in. Have a lovely Sunday. c

  25. Yes, I am a words person. The whole visual thing is new to me – you, and other bloggers, have encouraged me to see differently and for this I love you!

  26. You opened the flood gates. You lifted the veil. You uncovered the secret door to the mind. You unleashed thoughts we had tied down. Hidden away. Scribbled black over the words we thought we had forgotten. Then you shook the book hard and tumbled out words we have never spoken., You released time rusted memories. You did the brave, remarkable, unspeakable. You shared your unspoken fragile stories strung together like pearls. You wear them proudly and gave others the strength to do the same. V.

  27. Celi you are doing the right thing with your animals, and don’t let anyones comments tell you different!! You have to eat, and whilst I respect those that believe Vegan, or vegetarian is right for them, we are omnivores and have manged to outlive most other species of animals because of this. I believe nothing truly ever dies, because the box we are walking around here at this precise moment is not who we are – we are more than that and so are animals. So we/they shed the outer trappings, which are used either by others or the earth itself to keep the circle going, but the spirit lives on!! And happy spirits they are that have been raised and cared for by you!!

    • Thank you Lyn. I do believe that if I gleefully or thoughtlessly sent my animals out then the cycle of care and goodness would be broken. If I were to stop farming then my whole lifestyle would stop.. and I would go back to living in a little house in the middle of a corn field waiting for my husband to come home from work. c

  28. The garden listens
    Even the leaves stirred by light
    Strain green ears to you
    🙂 x

  29. What a beautiful post, Celi–the entire exchange, really. I may print the whole thing so I can read through and digest it all. Yes to the talk in my head, yes to the background music, and most certainly YES to the getting-tired-of-cooking part. I swing widely from loving to cook one day to hating it the next! The routine and feeling the responsibility get to me after a while. I love trying new things, especially when they turn out well. Anyway–lovely, lovely post and lots of wonderful comments. (Happy birthday, Misky! You’re just a babe!)

  30. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes…(enough yesses?) I am tears in my eyes moved. You speak to my heart woman! I carry on these kinds of conversations all the time, every minute, every day. I also inherited my grandfather’s soundless whistle, when I am really concentrating, making jewelry perhaps.

  31. I only scanned the responses after reading your post C – but what I came away with was a symphony, a small oratorio of arts and real matter fusing into the air into liquid silver notes, and I think my gosh, one on for the pigs, and the dirt, mud, farm and Boo, and I also am reminded, that in the food chain, the elements sacrifice, going towards higher order. Hmmm what does this mean? The mineral goes to higher level into the vegetable; the mineral has powers of cohesion, and the vegetable cohesion and growth, and then they go into the animal, who has feeling capacity, and then it can go into man (generic) who has the power of thought, and it’s the concept of sacrifice of lower elements to the highest, and then round and round again; a life process.

    Your writing was heavenly C, and I tell people about your blog; mighty powerful poetic thoughts!

  32. Lovely thoughts and photos Ron wants to know what year and make the Truck is in 2nd photo? We have one looks so much the same he is redoing right now 🙂

    If you come east you can see me and Maggie we live 40 min. apart and we have a Beach or two 🙂

  33. As I sit in waiting rooms or at restaurants I’m a people watcher & usually end up making up life stories for them based on their expressions & the way they talk to people. I can never sit & force a blog, it just has to form in my head so that when I sit down, everything just flows.
    Would certainly love some of that apple pie right now.

  34. Look at all the thoughts your writing has given rise to! Words, even. You write what many of us experience but cannot say so poetically. I have often said, it is not the preparation of the meals that gets difficult, it is the decision about what to make… and your photos are beautiful, and yes, feeling the weight of sadness or responsibility at times makes us human. It is okay. X

  35. What a great post! I found myself saying ‘yes’, and ‘yes’, as I read. In creative mode, the thoughts tumble in so fast that I have to reach for my little writer’s notebook which I carry with me always. And in answer to your last paragraph: how to escape all that thinking and take a rest? – that’s why I meditate. Thought-free stillness is like bathing in a deep pool and emerging completely refreshed. Being the light again, as you so eloquently put it.
    Do drop in at your beach for a moment:

    • My beach, you have brought tears to my eyes.Darling Juliet.. . Thank you,. i shall pop into my beach .. and i will meet you there in 2014.. well maybe in ack, but close.. c

      • Oh, how exciting that you’ll be back!
        I’m just about to pop down to your beach right now and celebrate spring equinox.

  36. It is not only you. I have mental post-it’s and a flurry of sticky-ones with scribbled words. I have a notepad and pen and untidy night scribbles. I have songs in my head competing with conversations, past, present and future. And yes, some days I would cook anything for dinner, or attempt to, if only someone would tell me WHAT. Some days I want to go Home but I’m not even sure which home I mean. There are many different me’s in other places, other times, just waiting for a visit. And yes, every day when I make choices of what to eat, I make that choice, consciously, gratefully. You make it at a different level, more engaged, closer, so it’s more significant, courageous.
    Yesterday, Saturday, the G.O. had gone off to work before 5.30 am, the apartment and bed felt too empty to go back to sleep, so I made a cup of coffee and came to that place where I knew there’d be kindred spirits – the Farmy, the Commenters Lounge. It is a fine and generous thing that you are so inclined and talented to share with us the many and varied aspects of your life and thoughts, and provide the forum for to do so too. It’s not much but… thank you 🙂

  37. I feel and do those same things every day. Even living completely different life styles, I knew exactly what you meant. Thank you for this blog. I mean it. It is a source of constant for me when I am sick and can’t get out. I know I’ll get to see and read about interesting happenings at your end. Hope all is well!


  38. Thank you for a thought provoking post. I talk to myself constantly, but I believe that’s alright, its when you begin to answer back that you have to start to worry 🙂 I hate cooking dinner, so I have a glass or 3 of wine whilst preparing. I have been vegetarian for 2 years, my husband loves his meat so every night there are two decisions to make – but I love to eat and eat good food so that’s why I enjoy my wine. Twice a year I stop drinking alcohol for a whole month and the dinners then are very quick or slow cooked and often its “have a sandwich” . So glad I found the farmy. Joy

    • mercy .. no drinking for a whole month.. let me know when next time you do this (not soon i hope) and I shall try to join you.. what an excellent idea. I think… definitely good for the health and the pocket!! c

      • Here in Aussie there is Dry July when we abstain for July and many people donate to the cause which is supporting families coping with cancer with loved ones in hospital, like creating accommodation etc. Secondly is Febfast which is not so widely advertised but fund raising too. Its all in the mind – I just say to myself “Make a coffee and cook the meal quick smart”. My husband joins me too and is happy to get dinner at a decent hour, unlike the other ten months when I spend ages fiddling about in the kitchen (and pouring another glass 🙂 ) I dont feel much different for it except its a challenge and I love to challenge myself. Joy

  39. Of course, Celi! I don’t think the everlasting conversation is just in my head: it is withing the whole of me it seems. It makes me very comfortable and I have never had a lonely moment I can remember ~ and yes, there are plans, and conversations, and wording for my work and uni essays, and music often breaks thru . . . don’t know I exactly ‘talk’ to people unless planning an important conversation . . . and since I paper-plan my meals at least 3-4 days ahead, well not that also. And, oh yes, I just love, love,love watching plane trails high up in the sky during the cold months of the year . . . And tho’ I loved the piggies, do like your new heading. [Off topic] the Elizabethan Ruffle’ scene which greets me every morning always makes me begin the day with a huge smile 😀 !

  40. I think, spending so much time in solitary pursuits gives rise to the mental conversations and meandering thoughts. I do believe it proves you are comfortable with that trio – me, myself and I. While I never want to give up ‘my John’, I’m reassured knowing I’m OK, me by myself. I find it also leads to many solutions to problems and ideas for improvements, sometimes things just have to cook in your brain for awhile.

    Sometimes even when you know you are doing the right thing and doing it properly and well it still weighs heavily and disturbs. When & if it doesn’t is the time to be afraid.

    And oh Lord yes, please just tell me what to make!!!!!

  41. *If* it can truly be said that your photos of food simply look like food and not like glossy representations of food, why then, that’s precisely why I find yours more beautiful and compelling than that other sort. Just as your ability to think in words that feel almost as though they have welled up directly inside me makes your writing more compelling than that self-conscious drivel so often found in pretentious, if well-meaning, places. I thank you for being a lovely, thoughtful, big-hearted and hard working woman, and in that, I thank you for being yourself, and letting us know you *as* yourself. Nothing could be lovelier.

    • Thank you kathryn but I am only small, often I am writing thinking.. surely this is rubbish, surely people will not read this, but trusting you to understand what I mean is the best decision I make. Because you do. many of you.. understand. take care.. c

  42. Living alone, I talk to myself all day and sometimes half the night, The chat is deep within my head with no need for sound. I find myself walking downhill to the shops or for a walk in the park with a great big Cheshire Cat smile on my face. passers by must wonder what I have been up to! 😉

    I adore the paragraph about vapor trails and home. I want to steal and share it with all my friends, many who are away from the home or land of their childhoods. You will have full credit!

  43. It’s the first day of Autumn!
    Today as I work on my little homestead you will be the friend that walks along beside me an nods her head in agreement and chuckles with me at the antics of my little herd of New
    Zealands. Each one with its own personality.
    The frost has come early in Myskoka and I have to rush and get all our tomatoes out o the garden. They are still green and I will have to wrap a bushel if them for storage in the cook of the basement. The rest are going into chutney.
    Your daily prose and bright commentary put a smile on my face each day.
    I will be following you on line and thinking about all your whimsical mental meandering observations on life all day.
    Yes, I have them too.
    Sincerely, Cindy

    • Good morning Cindy and welcome to the Lounge of Comments. Your own little homestead sounds delightful but frosts! already? I am also making chutney today, we should compare notes.. have a lovely day, at least if you have a frost you will have a beautiful day.. c

  44. Yes, there are always words in my head, (I talk to myself–a LOT) and dream in color. I think this is part of being human. Your food pictures are more appetizing than those found in glossy magazines. The love you put into everything you do is tangible. Fall/winter tend to bring us to a time of slowing down, reflection. I certainly don’t envy you the task of raising your animals and delivering them the a abbatoir; I can only imagine the thankful hearts on the receiving end of your special deliveries. You make a difference in so many lives, all around the world, with your special touch. Be not weary in well-doing…

  45. This is the EXACT post I needed to read today, and for that I thank you. You have made me smile, and I sorely needed a smile today. Your reverie made me feel human again.

  46. Thinking in words is the only way I know how to think. I can remember the words I thought when I was almost three and Daddy told me to leave the white do alone, to let it sleep. I thought, “He will go behind the house soon. I can push the dog then.” Daddy did go around the corner, out of sight, and I pushed the dog to make it get up. The dog lunged at me and took me by my upper arm, not biting hard, but shaking me roundly. The dog was just correcting me, but it got beat. I was all scratched up from the dog’s teeth! I cried for a long time, but I thought, “I will never get near any dog ever again. Mostly, I have listened to my voice since then.

    I told my husband that I hated figuring out what to cook each night for our three children and us. He was shocked, saying, “I thought you liked to cook.” I had to explain that cooking was fine. It was just having to think about it and figuring it out. I begged him to tell me what he wanted me to cook that night. His answer, “Anything is okay.” He never got it.

    • Dog bites are terrifying, no wonder you remember! and i had to laugh at your exchange with your husband.. i understand completely! Thank you for the great comment.. c

  47. Okay, I’m a little late on this one, but it’s beautifully written. And I want to borrow that line: Home is not where the heart is, home is where the child was. I think I could do a post on that line…

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