We all get to die. This is one of the truths we try very hard not to look in the face. In fact we will say Pass Away, or Passed or Gone. But the truth is these poor bodies we wear when we are dancing, will one day stop dancing at all. They cannot go on forever. So, more important than hiding from the thought of our ending, is the pursuit of our wonderful glorious beginning. Every moment is that beginning. I know this sounds tiring maybe even a little challenging but Dying is OK. We will all do it one day. 
Mama died yesterday. My beautiful big old sheep. I know that sheep are pretty low on the totem pole for many. But she and I (as you know) had spent many, many freezing nights tending to her myriad babies. She always had four at a time and gave birth straight into my hands. She had washed her newborn babies and washed me as well. She had looked me in the eye and refused to speak, then looked back and spoken. She was not clever or startling in any way. Except there was a cable between Mama and I forged over all those years of nights as we worked together feeding her babies. I will miss her. 
The vet came and while I sat on a brick, he talked Mama through the procedure. His student vet held her head ever so gently, my hand in her fleece, as the senior vet gave her a sedative and then the shot that helped her go into her final sleep. It was all so gentle and calm that Marcel continued to sleep tucked in behind her as she closed her eyes and sighed into death – Minty and Tilly stood on the other side like dirty angels, waiting for their next assignment.
I will miss her. But every animal, man, woman, beast and tree has their time. A long time is not necessarily a better time, a short time can be a full time, but for a sheep, Mama had had a good long time. And Mama was ready. She was ready to lay all her burdens down and sleep. My dear old darling. 
Later the vet checked out Daisy and his sewing skills. The teat he had stitched back on the night before last is not as swollen as he had expected and the catheter is still in place and dripping clean milk. He is cautiously pleased. It is possible that she will heal and the quarter might be saved. He did say that he had been thinking about the injury and concluded that because her udder is so long and droopy and full, she gives a lot of milk, he said it is more than likely that she literally stood on it as she winched her considerable body up. Not a nice thought. But she had a good day yesterday, even managing to pick the lock of her perfectly clean stall and take herself out to stand in the cool sunshine.
Today will be a better day, I hope you have a good day too. I am off to find a street corner now. This vet bill is going to be horrendous! But I am deeply grateful that I have a vet who could come to the farm and help me. Deeply grateful.
Ni Ni Mama.
Have a lovely day.
Your friend on the farm,
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
103 responses to “Ni Ni Mama”
She was a good sheep. Amen.
Even though it was expected, Mama’s death is still a big milestone in the Farmy life. We will all miss her, even if your grief is more personal. Thank you for all the flowers you’ve given her (and us). I’m glad Daisy is doing well.
Love,
ViV
Sad for us, but she was ready, as are so many older people I know. Just ready to go.
I am so sorry. As always you did what was best for your farmy friends even if it was so very sad and difficult. Mama will always be a part of your place there and the memories that you have of her will always be in your memory. My heart hurts for you as she is no longer a part of your daily routine but I also know that such is life on the farm and in every other walk of life. We get attached and we have to let go at times and we make it through the other side. Maybe not without tears but we make it. So glad you have a vet that is the kind that you have. What a blessing. Saying a prayer for the farmy and you today.
Hugs and much love, my friend. xx
I’m very sorry for Mama… but she’s in a better place now
Poor Mama, she will be missed.
Thanks for sharing so much of Mama’s life, and her death, with us. We’ll be thinking of you as you walk on without her. (And ouch! Poor Daisy…)
It is not easy to say goodbye to an old friend. Godspeed Mama.
Mama was very much part of the family. A very refreshing narration here emotionally where animal and human are taken as one and of the same living creature element. Wonderful write celi!
Hank
Blessings to you and to Mama. Her life mattered and you let her know that.
Being a crazy cat lady who has taken in many strays, I’ve also had to put many down when their time came. It’s a constant struggle between your head and your heart. I, too am glad you have a vet that helped ease Mama’s transition. With sweet Marcel sleeping near (sigh)…
Sorry for your loss c.
Beautiful but bittersweet – such a lovely sheep.
I am sad and drizzing onto my keyboard. Hugs to you. Laura
Rest sweet Mama, knowing the joy and miracles you brought to all of the fellowship. Celi, what ever happened to her fleece that we followed to Equinox Farm ? I loved seeing that dirty wool become white as snow cloud. My memory has failed me as to where that ended up.
So on we go, all of us by your side with our collective hearts weighing heavy and giving pause for Mama. There will be so many thoughts and prayers in fellowship I am sure you feel the bounty of love we send to you all on the Farmy.
Love, Nanster