Pacing
Yesterday I swung from one task to the next, achieving nothing, starting stuff and then wandering in another direction and finding myself doing something completely different. Trying to restart the first one again then discovering task number three or four. I left the water running into the sink and forgot to put the water on for the spaghetti. I visited Manu about six times and got all upset because I could not get a decent picture of him. I rearranged bales of hay for no apparent reason. I forgot to feed the chickens.
I did not really settle until I began helping Hugo pack. He did not need help packing but I could not focus on anything else. So I packed and repacked his suitcase.
I forgot to take photographs until the light was almost gone instead I sat on the basement steps and listened to the dryer dry the last of his clothes. Then I listened to the rain, then I sorted through the bottles in the cellar until I unearthed a bottle of red and poured myself a glass. Then I forgot I had poured myself a glass of wine and made a cup of tea.
He asked for spaghetti bolognese with a ” Lot of – Lot of .” Meat for his last dinner.
Molly and Tahiti watched me walk to and fro in the evening with an empty bucket. They are always up on their back legs, front feet on the gates watching – “Don’t you have something to do?” I said to them.” No, Miss C,” they said. “Why don’t you go and play in your garden then.” I said. “We did that already.” they said. Then they watched me walk back to the house with my empty bucket. It started to rain.
Hugo said that when we part in the airport I should say Goodbye, then close my eyes, and when I open them again he will be gone. “Easier that way.” he said.
Who the hell said Parting is such Sweet Sorrow. Juliet. Silly girl. There is nothing sweet about sorrow.
But my world is small you know. Maybe I will go and visit one day! That is possible.
Off we go to the airport then.
Love celi
75 Comments on “Pacing”
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Safe travels to Hugo!
We will miss that boy, but not as much as you, I think. Parting from those we care about is always disturbing, and I’m not surprised you were at sixes and sevens all day. Your disturbed behaviour sounds like my everyday! There are times I ricochet from job to job, starting everything, finishing nothing. It will settle. I think that shot of the barn in the header is absolutely wonderful; I hope it will make it into the calendar.
Kate, I spend my days in exactly the same way. Can’t seem to get any traction at all!
A friend and I call it grass-hoppering….we don’t have to explain when we ask each other how our day/s have been….just “grass-hoppering”
That’s it exactly, just spinnin’ my wheels!
I love that term grass hoppering – I might adopt it! c
It implies a lightness of foot which doesn’t describe my actions too well! I’m more like one of those poor moths blundering and bumping into the lampshade, only to fly off and bump into another…
At least you have the pigs for company, not to mention all the other animals 😉
I am never short of company that’s for sure and the good things about pigs – Sheila especially is that they are nice a warm to sit your back up against when you want to have a think.. c
I don’t doubt that, especially with Sheila 😉
Oh my, you will miss him. Maybe he will come back to visit the farmy. Safe travels Hugo we will miss you too.
That would be nice but he is very young and is looking for work now, it is time for him to start his life out there in the world.. c
Saying goodbye – for a while or for forever – is disorienting! No wonder you were pacing.
Yes, it will take a few days to get my balance back.. c
Awww Safe travels Hugo! No ‘Goodbye’s’ – ‘Until we meet again”
Could be – who knows but it has been great learning for us both.. c
You have had a run of the most wonderful people at the farm. Do you stay in touch with them? When I start feeling like everything is going away, I touch back with the people I love. Phones are wonderful for that. Email isn’t as good but it’s better than an empty barn. Then I grab a hot cup of tea, a muffin or something, and a good book. Maybe it’s time (after all the fur and feathered people are fed) for you to take a break Celi. You deserve it! Di
I most certainly stay in touch and frequently with the ones who I have gotton close to.. c
Bon Voyage to Hugo. Bon restant to Celi. You two will meet again. And heavens knows, you will find something to do with yourself. Anticipating saying goodbye makes my heart pound & my head swim. It makes me pace too, & it makes me sick.
Yes you have it right there it is the anticipation of it all that is worse sometimes.. c
Bon Voyage, bon chance Hugo 🙂 Miss C, I hope you checked Hugo’s back pack for the ride on mower and Boo. Safe travels. Laura
The poor work horse of a ride on mower is now officially on its last legs – it did not take well to being ridden as a rally car ride on mower but boys needs speed! c
Au revoir is best – until you see each other again. It’s like one of your chicks is leaving the nest 😦
Yes, he is one of my boys now.. c
Yes! A trip to France!
Quite possible actually.. c
I am sure the tale of Hugo and Miss C is not ended, just paused for a while!
Hugo, good luck to you my friend. i hope you have a great reunion with all your family and friends when you get home, and can share lots of love and stories of your stay here. You have a lot of friends on this side of the world that would be glad to see you visit again in the future. And if Miss C is fully booked, there are quite a few of us that would gladly put you up – give you a chance to see other parts of the country!!
I will tell him! I have a few who would like to job hop in the summer – we should put our thinking caps together.. c
Oh I would love the company!
Yes, it’s so sad to say goodbye, especially when you don’t know when you’ll meet again. But how you and your
awesome farm hands have connected and grown from all you have experienced together is so very wonderful, and has, no doubt, made you all even more caring, loving, knowledgable people. That is extremely special, and will always be a part of each of you. xo
It is special isn’t it – an amazing experience having people to stay and work like that – i had no idea it would broaden my horizons so much
I am like that with my work at the moment… and not actually finishing anything. I need to shut myself off from distraction (and reading blogs…) A bientot, hopefully, rather than goodbye. My sister and I decided that we wouldn’t say goodbye, but just give each other a good hug and a see you later. We’re getting better at the parting! Its difficult and disorientating. Be kind to yourself, and safe travels for Hugo.
Ha ha ! My daughter and I are the same. Like you we made a pact – it is kiss kiss, SEE YA and we launch ourselves AT SPEED in the opposite directions.. people who see it are appalled – not thinking that we are txting each other almost immediately@! c
Oh, Celi, leaves always are so heavy to handle. No wonder that you have been so distraught. I had many, many leaves in my life. Sometimes it tears one apart. It always made me cry and so sad. As you said “last dinner” I automatically read “last supper”. Oh my. I hope you can manage it anyway to get over it. As there is the long way back in your car – the concentration on road and on traffic will draw your attention off a bit and when you will be home there will be the animals awaiting you. And yes, a big big emptiness will be there, too. I feel with you, Celi. Got tears in my eyes….
It is the way and Hugo is off to start his big life after giving himself time to settle and recover after starting his life off on the wrong foot – now he will do well i am sure. c
I know that good byes are difficult. I have said my share of them but I have a feeling you and Hugo will be together again some day. What a great experience for him to live with you for so long. God speed, Hugo!
We spent some time laughing about when he first came – it seems like a LONG time ago now.. in fact this whole summer was long!.. c
Safe travels to Hugo who has made a huge place in all of our hearts my friend. XOXO – Bacon
Hi Bacon! Thank you.. c
No endings truly, just continuations until you meet up with Hugo again. You both have shared much over these months and will surely find some way back together for a visit…
I always think that there can be perfect relationships in the space of only a few months – it is ok to allow a natural ending – but maybe I will get there one day – maybe.. c
Aaah, bless you, c. I’ve said goodbye so many times to family and friends, and it breaks my heart every time. I hope your heart is soon filled with joyous memories of your time with Hugo.
You do know Misky. But to be alive and have children means saying goodbye – often.. .. c
Au revoir et bon voyage Hugo. Bon chance. I know it’s hard to see him go after such a long visit. I suspect Hugo will be back next year and I’m sure you both will be in touch. You should Skype. Hang in there, Celi. Your next adventure is around the corner.
Skype is wonderful isn’t it. We use Whatsapp – it is free for calls, photos, video as long as you are close to the wifi – it is a wonderful app.
I am absolutely useless with farewells. Sob each time.
Have a happy day and sending you a warm hug so the farewell may be easier than you hoped.
🙂 Mandy xo
We love hugs – thank you mandy!! c
It is clear to all of us why your day was so muddled: Hugo’s departure. Saying goodbye is never easy. I don’t care how many times you do it. Never easy.
Never easy – and always muddled.. but we had a good goodbye and now he is off into his next life.. c
My heart aches for you. I understand that kind of lose and it is lose. You grieve in a small way but you grieve. Giant squishy hugs.
We have a great time – thank you got the hugs with squishs!
A sad goodbye and Bon voyage to Hugo. A trip to France would be a fun thing to plan! Soon your farm will demand its share of your attention and all will be calm. I can picture Sheila in a fashionable hat on a train in the French countryside.
Yes smuggling Sheila in may pose a problem ! c
Oh Cecilia, it’s like losing one of your children, especially poignant in light of the crisis in France. Very sad. The idea above to do Skype is a great one. Amazing really.
Molly and Yahiti are just so cute up on their hind legs watching watching. I hope all your creatures are some comfort.
Those are two cute pigs.. skype is pretty amazing! c
heh heh — no way to top moonwatcher51’s comment about Sheila on a train in the French countryside, so I won’t even try. Just sending another hugggg along, to add to all those ahead of me here. Oh, and Kate’s comment about the header photo — yes, it is a real beauty. I have gone back to look at it more than once. Hang in there, Miss C. ~ Mame 🙂
Thank you Mame tomorrow I start the calendar so I will put the barn shot into the mix and see what we come up with! c
Oh Cinders…tears here…he’ll be back or you’ll be there…one way or another, like someone said…this is just a pause. And oh my, that visual of Shelia in her fancy hat riding through the French countryside…now if that doesn’t make one smile…nothing will. I know you’re not a hugger but I’m sending one anyway!
Oh no! Celi’s not a hugger? Sad. I not only am a hugger, I’m a kisser. I kiss everything and everyone. I am “The Mad Kisser” from when my twin nephews were little. I’d say, “The Mad Kisser strikes again!” and start kissing their little necks. They knew that all they had to do was to kiss my cheek and I’d stop. So, Celi, on the day we finally meet, you’ve got TWO things to worry about. Heheh. Lots of love to you and the Farmy and the Fellowship, Gayle, puckering up…
Chris – not to worry – no tears you know!! I don’t mind virtual hugs.. c
Au-revoir et Bon voyage, Hugo!
Celi I was playing the same job hop game on Friday when Elly was flying to the Middle East via CDG airport. Silly really since she has been independent since she was eighteen years old and living (now) 125 miles away from me. I am sure that when you got back, things settled back into your normal rhythm.
Your daughter moves about so fast, my sister is in Israel but no matter where people are we all worry don’t we – just a bunch of worriers. c
She sure does! Due home on Sunday with enough time to clear her dest and wash her smalls before heading to Dalian, China on 2 December – all work! When she goes behind their firewall, WhatsApp is the only way to communicate.
It’s always the way when things discombobulate us. A strand of that web that connects The Fellowship is now attached to Hugo as he heads back to France.
Yes, he has enjoyed being part of our big team.. c
I can read the hurting in your heart. I’m glad you’ve had this time together, so sweet as to make this parting painful. Please do go visit.
I really do hope I can – i would LOVE to see the french countryside.. c
I feel very sad. Someone important to you is leaving. And all your maternal instinct is pouring into the gap. I love that about you. I love it that you poured wine and forget and went to make tea. I am like that too.
Thanks Gods. I thought I was the only one who did that – they go quite well drunk at the same time when I remember!
He’ll be back, Celi. You can count on it.
. . . and so say all of us . . . . [sing loudly three times over . . . 🙂 ! ]
I have had days like you described. It is when my brain is too full of other thoughts to settle in the moment, or when I am a bit sad and maybe just a touch depressed. Hugs and more hugs.
You offer these young people such a wonderful chance at life, C, and so much connection. They will never forget you. All these young wards you’ve ushered into the scarier world with a center shaped by the Farmy. They will go on to create their corner of the world with a little more kindness, take it a little slower, and be prone to answer first with love.
letting go and saying “Until we meet again” is so hard! No wonder you could not focus! Hugo will always be in your heart and you and the Farmy in his heart. Look at all the wonderful things Hugo and all these young adults have learned from you! Bravo!
I didn’t like the post – but I empathise. He’s been your longest and best helper, you met his family, you shared his grief over the attacks in Paris, and shared so much more. It’s okay to be so sorrowful.