We are creatures of habit.
Whenever visitors come to the farm they very quickly latch onto a space of their own. Their chair at the table, their relaxing space in the couch, a space to leave their toothbrush, a bed for sleeping. Any time we enter a foreign area we immediately try to wriggle our way in, naming a corner as our own, whether it is a seat on a plane, a piece of wall in a public area, a side of the bed. 
Who do you know who sleeps on a different side of the bed whenever they feel like it. Or loses their pillow. Or sits in a different chair at dinner time each night. Or does not care which cup holds their coffee.
This need in us to build systems and habits and familiar spaces is as old as the world and truly common for all peoples everywhere. Even nomads have their favourite camel. And shoppers their favourite door. And drivers their favourite way through town. 
It is the same for cows. They love things to be predictable.
Yesterday I turned the electric fence off at the West side so I could use the weed eater to clear all the long grass from beneath the wire. Then I went back up to the house without turning the current back on.
When my sister and I walked, in the dark after dinner, around to the West side to check the cows we found both the new cows in a field where they should not have been – peering sadly at me through the wires – and all the animals who had lived here a while and developed their systems and habits around the hot wire and knew where their chair for sitting on was, were still where I left them. 
So I wonder whether we – you and I – are still working behind our own electric fences, though they have long since been turned off and we are just not brave enough to try to get through. We have forgotton what it is like to be new. We are sitting in the chairs we have claimed, nice and safe. Not allowing the change. 
What do you think?
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
51 responses to “A chair of my own”
Spending time in others’ spaces is interesting, finding our space in their space around their boundaries. Some like us to feel at home, choose a cup from the cupboard, put the kettle on and find a chair. Others like to treat us as guests. In our house, for most, I like it when people make a cuppa or get a beer from the fridge and choose a spot they like. But there are a few for who I know instinctively I need to build a figurative electric fence or they would overstep & crowd my space… with the best of intentions of course.
I can almost hear the evening sounds in that second picture. Always a bit sad so many children never witness the end of a day on a farm – or are unsettled by night in open land
Everything has been sent into chaos for me the last couple months. All the things that said life was going along as it should no longer exist. I’m in very temporary quarters with few of the objects that were usually used on a daily basis available. It is not remotely pleasant. It does not promote comfort in the least. I am not even sure where my clothes are let alone the pots and pans, cleaning supplies or bedding, and all my books are packed up in storage. I like being settled, I have reached an age and physical condition where the disruption is upsetting and adds to the difficulty of simply gettnig through each day. I am deeply grateful for the temporary quarters. I have no idea when or where I will end up though, I do not care for that in the least. In a way I was shoved into then through that blasted electric fence, not because I wanted to go, I had no choice in the matter. It’s a whole different kettle of fish to change something because you want to, or decide you need to, it makes adjusting easier, more pleasant. For the time being, I’m glad of my favorite mug, my bed and a roof over my head.
Absolutely no doubt!
*smile* I agree with Grannymar and a few others . . . had I belonged to your herd I would have been in the ‘wrong’ paddock pronto!! To me the greatest time is when I can look for and find the new and the different . . . . I too decided some years back that I did not want to remarry in spite of temptations! Love to do what I want, when I want, how I want, with whom I want – and the scene changes every day: glory Hallelujah!! And I love a different coffee cup or wine glass each time one is picked up!! . . . .
I took a group of middle schoolers to camp this week, and I had to make up seating charts to get them to mix things up a little. They gravitated back to the first table group they had had. And when I let them choose freely, they STILL went back to that first seat they had.
I’m weird. I DO sit at different places at the dinner table with no problem at all. I do have a certain pew at church I prefer, though.
Here’s an old argument for the same chair, or pasture: think of he tea ceremony. It’s a representation of “the mastery demanded in any art in Zen, wherein complete familiarity leads to an unselfconscious state of spontaneous freedom within structure, where the new is discovered” (http://alangullette.com/essays/philo/merton.htm)
We all find a certain comfort in what we are used to. But just once in a while it is nice to take a different route, sleep in the middle starfish style, or sit on a different chair, with a different mug holding a different drink. It also helps us gain a new perspective. We don’t always appreciate the initial feeling, but afterwards we can see it.
Yes, pushing ourselves out of the comfort zone is a great thing, but then walking back in feels even better! c
I definitely agree with you.
I think I love this post! So true, in so many ways. We think we know so much, creating routines for our animals so they are easier to handle, and boom! You just enlightened me with something I can hardly believe I didn’t already see. I knew it of course, which is why it resonated so, but…wow. Fantastic job, Celi.
We are creatures of habit – maybe the animals are training US!! Have a gorgeous day.. c
I know that my dogs especially have me very well trained. The cats too, I suppose. And I bet that the sheep flock has more on me than I realize. The chickens are a little more transparent, and the bees do what they do best, I just try to fit in there. I love that you made me think about all these relationships from a new angle. Thank you!
Good food for thought. I love to think in a fertile field. Putting up wire to protect ourselves or to keep people away. So true and common. Our space guarded and watched. Not too interested in sharing. Common boundaries where we don’t go any more- respectfully hidden. Grab something and hang on for a while, then let it go. Go back find something else and gloat in your accomplishment. Needing space is natural, respect is good, but growth is godly. Shuffle that deck and start again. I always say.
wow – what a comment – awesome process in your thinking! c
Yep. I just spent some time with two women who test all the fences that keep the herd in – and when they’re hot, they climb a tree. Routine and comfort are fine, but it’s good to be reminded not to be constrained by them.
Ha ha !! Fantastic. i love strong women who climb trees – metaphorical or otherwise!
[…] At any rate, Celi had a wonderful post the other day. Sometimes she just riffs on a thought, and it can be profound, with observations as keen and insightful as any philosopher’s, as this one was called A Chair of My Own. […]
https://mobile.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1113505875367820&_rdr