Do you ever look in the mirror and get a fright? Just a little fright.
Just a small startle really. A widening of the eyes. Then you look again at the person in the mirror and think, Oh Yes!
There you are. It is you after all.
Because in your mind you thought you looked different. I don’t mind how I look now – that is not what I mean. But I wish my brain would catch up! My memory of myself seems to have frozen in my mid thirties. Now I am over fifty and every time I look in the mirror I get that little fright. Is that you Cecilia, I think. I have had so many roles and so many names and so many residences. Yet my Self is still in a house in Napier, New Zealand, a solo Mum with a whole pile of teenage children, all the time worrying about money, pounding my way through through a two job life, fierce, and laughing and living life at break neck speed. This period has implanted so strongly on my Self, I was so brilliantly alive then, that this is woman I still expect to see in the mirror.
Now I am a sleepy farmer with endless visitors and summer muscles aching, growing food so I do not have to worry about paying for it and my children are all grown – it always surprises me. Maybe I am surprised that I reached this stage in my life. Maybe it is that.
Imagine if we never saw ourselves in a mirror. Imagine that!
Here is Sammy with Theo the peachick – a photo for Kat’s Mum.
Last night I went out to check him and once again the red chickens were unusually placed. Not perching on their perches. Alerted I softly sifted through their slumbering bodies and found Theo nestled UNDER the tail feathers of one of the plumper wee hens. He poked his head out and told me to move along and not upset the balance. So I did. This chick is still making me shake my head.
I am not sure if they surround them at night to protect him or to watch him in case he turns into some kind of threat. They are not too nice in the daytime. It is an interesting puzzle.
Good morning. Aunty Del is back home as you can see from the images of her meeting with Bobby T (who was deeply underwhelmed), Del back into the herd without a ripple.
I have decided to bring Bobby T2 (the Hereford steer) back to the home fields for the next few months. The pasture is so rich here, a bit too rich for the heifers (Naomi and Aunty Anna) and he can bond with Bobby T.
It would be nice if I had one big farm so I could walk my animals across, but we have two tiny farms with a mile of bean field and an enormous ditch with no bridge in between, and the roads are not fenced so no walking stock that way either, so they have to be shifted using the stock trailer and as my truck will not pull the stock trailer I have to wait for John to help me.
Today has dawned calm and sunny. We had more rain in the night too which was nice. As soon as this weather pattern settles I will cut more hay.
I hope you have a lovely day. I hope to.
Much love
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
87 responses to “Is that you?”
This made me laugh. I don’t fuss over my appearance at all, but I have found it best to avoid public places with bright fluorescent lights. Just saying.
Absolutely!
Ha ha – I find looking at my friends odd – they all look older than me …or do they? 🙂
I love this! My Mom would always ask me, to reassure herself, if her friends didn’t look older than she did. And of course I always said, yes, way older! And no doubt, Mad, your friends look way older than you too! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Ha ha ha – Yes. And you love your friends so. c
Sadly, somewhere in the back of my mind, I do know that I’m old too 🙂
You really do need a bridge of some sort over that ditch so life is easier for you. Hope you have a lovely weekend, and that you can grab a moment to put your feet up. xx
There is talk of going to a movie today just as soon as I can get that man to drive the trailer over the other side to pick up this steer.. c
Sounds perfect. 😀
My brain is stuck at the me that jumped into the unknown and emigrated to the other side of the world alone. My body is something else. It seems to be in in rapid self-destruct mode. Tuesday I see the spinal neurosurgeon, and hopefully we’ll come up with a plan to stop the pain and disintegrating spine.
I’m loving your animal series photos today, the satiny coats and liquid eyes and delicate baby bird down textures.
Will be thinking of you. Good luck.
🙂
I will be thinking of you also and I’m sending you love and gentle hugs .
Thank you :-). Three and a half hours before I leave, and so much still to do at my new snail’s pace… Still, it will stop me fretting.
I have put you back on the top of my petition list for what it’s worth! Hoping for only good results for you.
I think the Almighty must be a bit sick of hearing my name by now; so many kind and thoughtful people sending up prayers, wishes, positive thoughts. I’m keeping Him busy… Thank you so much 🙂
Being a guy, appearance is not nearly as much of an issue. I love being 62 and would not want to go back. Mind you it’s easy to say since I’m healthy. I am still waiting for that “grown up” moment to happen but in my aged wisdom I’ve come to realize that it’s never going to show up. So many men that I’ve come to know hate being older and I don’t get it, just chill and enjoy the ride otherwise you’ll miss something.
I am still an awkward 14 year old on the inside. Which is why I never really feel old. I don’t really think I will grow up.
Being young at heart and in the mind is fabulous! Embracing it all so that we don’t miss anything is definitely the way to go! Living each day to the fullest and rejoicing that we have each day keeps us young and in the moment, savoring all the wonder that comes our way! 🙂
There! When you say Young at Heart – what is the age of that Young that you are referring to – this is really my question. c
Gosh, good question indeed! I’m thinking ‘young at heart’ meaning being able to laugh hilariously at the silliest things, and play jokes with and on others, and being able to laugh at yourself as well! And experiencing wonder and joy often, moment to moment. This, I think, most probably it happens most frequently between ages 5 to 12 or 13 years old, when we are more carefree, before puberty when much begins to change. But I do believe that can happen at any age! And, as we think and feel young at heart, we also stay healthier than others who don’t! 🙂 xo
14 Cliche. Hmm. This is an interesting age to expect to see in the mirror. I was so gawky at 14 – my hair stood up in spikes! Curly spikes – i was so embarressed.. c
Oh, I was the same. I would never want to BE that kid again, but I’ve never grown past her.
Yes! I don’t mean vanity – I am perfectly happy the way I am and with how I look – (most of the time) – but it does seem that there is a child or young person whose image is hard into our psyche and to is to him you refer when you say Just Chill at least I think so ..
It’s cooler here this morning – but still no rain! Hoping it rains today but it’s going to be HOT.
Hi Celi!
Those darn mirrors! Morning miss c…..t
‘I was so brilliantly alive then’ . . . . you are that every day NOW ! From where did you get the mirror which shows a ‘sleepy’ farmer: get rid of it !!!
I need to clarify my point I think. In ALL of us is a young person who we click with. My wide awake coming of age moment – a watershed time maybe. When we discovered our power even. And often i am surprised when i do not see her in the mirror.. Does that make more sense?
Yes it does Celi, but, oh dear, I still seem to be at that stage . . . sure, physical looks have changed but I don’t seem to take any notice whatsoever of those: just the young laughing gal has a few extra ‘clues’ now and that makes things delightful !!!
That is so true! I did that all this past year, post radiation, heartbroken and shocked at where the me that’s been living in front of my eyes went. Just Friday there was some reconstruction surgery and so now I look a little like bride of the mummy, but am hopeful that I’ll recognize “me” again in a few weeks. Also I tell myself that I’m 40 US here in Canada and, even though I’m over 50, it seems to help. Maybe I can tell myself I’m 29 UK! Even better. 😀
Yes! We can be different ages and different people in different countries – I understand that one! I am SO like that! In fact my inner thirties girl comes out when i travel – I can see her then.. Hopefully this is the last of the surgeries? c
I remember that feeling, but for me it wasn’t radiation, it was chemo, and the stranger in the mirror had no eyebrows, a gaunt, bald face and eyes filled with fear. The hair grew back (the eyebrows are still a shadow of their former self), and the fear is gone. It was a relief to rediscover myself, a bit diminished and completely grey, but me.
Best wishes for a gentle and complete return to your ‘self’ 💕
Interesting, I was only thinking earlier today that [at 50] I finally look like me… a few weeks back during my sorting I found photos from my late 30’s… I look like a stranger.
Wow. Now that is a fantastic twist on the discussion…how very interesting! c
But I do have tagging along the seven year old I once was who loves looking for shells on the beach, playground swings and also old fashioned cakes & slices from her 1970’s era… I have to ration her intake of those, as well as the fifteen year old who loves loud rock music… not sure the neighbours appreciate her 🙂 The adult versions of me were in various guises who they needed to be… lessons learned and I’m happy to leave them in the photo albums.
stunning – you hit the nail on the head.. c
Reading through the comments… it’s been a fantastic discussion 🙂
That is amazing Dale. Good for you. I thought you looked like a perfect version of who I expected when I met you. xx
Thank you 🙂 When I was younger I was once asked how I would like to look like if I could appear otherwise. My answer was fuller figured with wavy reddish hair and silver jewellery. Look at me now…
I deeply love being independent, too. No waiting for someone to come home so I can get the thing done. I am impatient.
Makes me crazy! I would love one of those tiny one cow trailers that I could pull with anything. But not in this budget!! c
I sometimes catch sight of myself in a reflection in shop windows and wonder what happened. I am perfectly happy with this part of my life, but I do get a bit depressed when I see old age creeping on.
It is a feeling we need to rage against I think. You and I have no intention of spending the second half of our lives feeling depressed about how we look. Rage! c
You’re still brilliantly alive, Celi, never fear!
You are definitely not a sleepy farmer! I am such in awe of all you manage to accomplish. Must be the single mom that did it. My mother too was a single mom and had to struggle but was the fiercest, most stubborn and independent person I ever met.
I often look in the mirror and see my darling grandmother looking back at me!