Last night Aunty Del gave birth to twins. But one was born dead.
I knew she was close, so I brought her into the barn and settled her. Then left to do some work and give her some time to relax – came back out not even an hour later and there was one little black heifer up already and one dead on the ground. He had not even moved from where birth had left him. He must have been born dead.
I was so angry. If only I had come back out a little earlier. And yes, I know that is a stupid thing to say. But. It was all very fast so there cannot have been any stress. He was perfect. But dead. I could not revive him.
Dead is dead – there is no coming back from it. No matter how one tries.
He was a good size, as is the little heifer. She was up and walking about and drinking by the time I left them.
I am so angry. So disappointed. Sad.
We had a lot of successes this season though – we must not forget that. And Aunty is happy with her baby.
But to lose a twin seems so awful somehow.
Later in the night, the calf was still a bit shivery so I put the little calf cover on her. I keep it (and the larger one) hanging on a hook in the barn so they always smells barny and not freshly washed. It was cold enough for me to see my breath and it does not hurt to keep baby a little warmer. I watched for a while and Del did not mind, she was licking babies head when I left them again.
celi
WEATHER: Rain is coming. Fitting.
Saturday 11/04 70% / 0.14 in
Light rain early…then remaining cloudy with showers in the afternoon. Thunder possible. High around 55F. Winds SSE at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 70%.
Saturday Night 11/04 60% / 0.06 in
Scattered thunderstorms developing overnight. Low around 50F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 60%.
Sun
7:27 am 5:44 pm
Moon
Full, 99% visible 6:35 pm 7:39 am
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The Kitchen's Garden 
68 responses to “SO ANGRY”
Well, damn. I’m sorry. I can only imagine the disappointment.
Beautifully said Selka.
So sad about the lost twin but the little heifer is a beauty.
Sadness and joy…we can’t have one without the other in life and often they walk hand in hand.
I’m so sorry about the little calf Cecilia! Xo
It’s hard to see a newborn dead especially one that looks perfect. You’ve got Aunty Del and the heifer doing well. I’d be angry and upset too, but there’s no real choice about accepting the hard fact of the calf being dead. Still it’s sad.
You stepped away to give her time to relax. You know so well when not to intrude on your animals. It was the best of intentions, and in most cases has turned out well. And then you got this awful shock.
Farming is so hard. You are up against life and death all the time. Your pain and upset is the price you pay for caring. The alternative would be worse. Keep caring. The community here on your blog is caring for you at the same time. There is so much love here for you.
And as others have said, there may have been nothing you could have done anyway.
I guess it’s human nature to second guess and ‘what if’. It surely doesn’t make anything easier, I guess the old saying: “if you have livestock eventually you will have deadstock” is true, as sad as that is.
So very sorry.
I join everyone else in feeling very sad about this. And I am sorry you are haunted by “What if?” It must be so hard and so hard on the heart.
This is sad
Its sad losing a twin
I too feel sorry
I suppose Death comes often to a farm. Wherever there is Life and birth Death follows.
SO sorry.
I’m so sorry to hear this but don’t be so hard on yourself …
That’s so sad… I can understand you wishing you’d been there. It must’ve been difficult walking in and seeing a healthy calf… and another perfect-looking calf who wasn’t alive… ; o (