So,  after another stepping on the udder episode, the Vet and I spent some quality time with Lady Astor and I agree with him that her time here needs to come to a noble and dignified end.  

Her udder is only going to get worse with time. And the risks of more injuries increase with time.

I know it is sad. But let’s keep this all in perspective.  This world we live in has a great many more issues that deserve our attention and our emotion. Kids are starving. Kids are being shot at. Teachers are being shot at and killed right here in this country.  Some families – families I know,  cannot afford to go to the doctors. I can’t afford to go to the doctors here in the US (but I am older so that is not so bad). But what I mean is we can’t be babies about this –  as the Old Codger used to say “No-one gets out of this life alive.”


Dealing with my cow who has worked hard all her life for the people in her life and has come to the end of this time is so simple in comparison to some of the very real tragedies that people have to deal with. It is a natural thing. It is the cycle of life. And she is a cow.  Her vet bills have been astronomical this year.


And no, I am not hard hearted. I am a farmer.  I know I am a woman so people may expect me to be gentler and sweeter but I am not.  I adore this cow. She has been my favourite milk cow for years now but her time has come. I must do what is best for her and not what is easiest for me. I would keep her alive just so I did not have to face this decision. But I must give her the respect she deserves and allow her a dignified exit.


I feel miserable about this. I even hate these cutsie chocolate box cloud photos.


But I will take her to the abbatoir and I will lead her in so she is not afraid and I will stand with her until the end.  Because she deserves that.  We all deserve that. I will ensure that she is not wasted. Poor old lovely,  for all the love in the world, she is a cow. She is not my son or my husband. She is a cow. We need to be real about these things.   Our neighbours would be lucky to be loved as much as we loved this curmudgeon bad tempered kick-you-in the-face cow.

I have to add that the decision to let Lady go is just as hard as Telling YOU of my decision to let Lady go. So please do not give me a hard time.

She leaves on Thursday.

I am not having a good day – I hope yours is better.


72 Comments on “OK

  1. I’m in tears, even though you are so very right. Thank you for sharing her with us, Miss C. I would take that final walk with the two of you if I could. Sending peace.

  2. I admire, respect and support you so very much for all these tough but caring decisions you have to make. Sending you a big, strong hug of friendship my lovely miss c.

  3. You know you are doing the right thing for her and you. And you will do it with dignity, grace and respect. I think we all know you will.

    We are kinder to our animals when they are suffering than we are to our elderly. We put our elderly away in homes and go see them once and a while, while they deteriorate and grow older. I speak from experience there and I did it because it was what HAD to be done. If life’s decisions were all easy – wouldn’t life be just so boring? Peace dear friend.

  4. It’s a very hard decision, but you are doing the right thing. I’m sure Lady Astor has had the very best life and care with you and John.

  5. In a few days all this will feel less raw, c, so until then treat yourself with tender kindness.

  6. A fellowship of loyal readers will help you carry the weight of this decision. We love to experience the joy, the funny and adorable moments on the farm. We must also be there for you when difficult decisions must be made. You can count on me.

  7. You have made the right and kindest decision. I have always stayed with my dogs when we have had to have them put down, but that has been at home, I don’t know if I would have the guts to walk into an abbatoir. You are very kind and brave, good for you.

    • I agree with everything Janet writes here. I have always stayed with & held my dogs & cats at the vet till the very end. I hope I would be brave enough to walk into the abbatoir with a beloved cow. I admire you, Celi, & I’ll be there with you & Lady on Thursday, in spirit & in my thoughts.

  8. I sometimes grow weary of making the ‘right’ decisions on the farm….my heart hurts with yours.
    People who don’t farm ask me (with an accusatory justify yourself look) how I can make those decisions. I tell them ‘we love all our animals til death’ and walk away.
    Friday will be a better day for you.

  9. You are doing this with dignity, grace and with Lady in mind. I will be thinking of you the next few days. Blessings, love, peace and well being.

  10. I hate the thought that anyone would give you, or anyone else in the position a hard time. It’s a bloody tough decision to arrive at. I’ve been there -similarly- with much loved companion animals. Easing their way is the human-for-good thing to do. As for the outcome, it is such for farmed animals. It’s a choice each of us make every day but further along the food chain. Some of us say yes, others no. Both have that right. I know you will be sad, much love to you ♡

  11. An important decision made, not easily, life will feel pretty shitty for a while, big hugs (((C)))

  12. You are making a very hard decision. We are the stewards of our animals and must do what’s best for them. So many people do not make the hard choices and the animals suffer because of it.

  13. C. Just the fact that you are feeling so miserable about this decision is just another testament to your adoration and respect for this cow… that, as you say, has worked so hard for you and your family. You have recognized and acknowledged that and this will be that last show of love and respect…to allow your cow to have a “noble and dignified end” All of us who have had animals have had to make that same heartbreaking decision. If we did not and allowed that animal to suffer, then we could call ourselves, hard hearted.
    You have given her the best life and now you are giving her the best end to that life. You are going to be in the hearts and minds of all of us in these next few difficult days….
    Much love to you…

  14. After having to make the decision for a beloved pet, I can imagine how you feel. Sending hugs to you and loving appreciation and respect for all that Lady Astor has contributed to your life and those whose lives she touched in some way, shape, or fashion.

  15. “…a noble and dignified end.” What a great gift, and given with great love. Wishing you peace, Miss C.

  16. I am glad you discussed with your vet before sharing the information with your readers. I can’t imagine anyone questioning your motivation. To not follow the recommendation of your vet would be inhumane and far more cruel. You have served one another well and I wish you only the best.

  17. You are very lucky to be able to get a date at an abattoir on such short notice. I love the Old Codger’s quote. Quite true. Go in peace.

  18. Tears and love coming to Lady and you ….you are doing the right thing and it is hard. We will all be thinking of you and Lady.
    Much love.

  19. Awe, these decisions are never easy. We had to put down an injured horse 4 years ago, I still think of it from time to time.

  20. I’m so sorry C. She gave the farm calves and nourishment until she couldn’t. You gave her a wonderful place to live, delicious food to eat, love, and cow besties. She will be missed by all on the Farmy, especially Auntie Del. Spend some time with her, tell her about where she came from and what a good cow she has been. That seems to help me when we have to say goodbye to our animals. Love, love.

  21. I just lost my 18-year-old kitty last Friday, after she became paralyzed: probably by a thromboembolism. Doing the responsible thing can be extraordinarily difficult, but more often than not, being responsible is just another way of loving.

  22. Thank you for being honest and for being kind to Lady Aster. That you will see she is not afraid is the mark of a good caretaker.

  23. We just had to make that hard decision with Romeo the horse. It is the best decision for the animal, but horrible for you, the human.
    Hugs. Sometimes we all need a hug. I’m sure this is one of those times.

  24. Noble and dignified, and your presence loving her right up to the end… as good as you can make it. I feel for you both and have been there so many times with all my animals – though not a cow ! Go well, the both of you XXX

  25. Sending you lots of love C! I’m grateful to have met her. Love, Rosy

  26. My sympathies coming your way, Ceci! I’m sure Lady Astor will thank you in her heart of hearts for your kindness, and I thank YOU for putting this news so gently to us, your loving readers. If I were close by, I would put an arm around your shoulders, but a cyber arm about will have to do for now. Thank the Good Lady Astor for the joy she has brought us through the years and again, thank YOU for sharing!

  27. Well done, C. In the proper sense of the words. Not ‘bravo’, but doing the right thing properly. And for writing movingly and truthfully and beautifully about your dear grumpy cow, who is leaving you in a few days. She gave you what she had to give, you gave her what you had to give, and the transaction is coming to an end. Farewell, Lady A, and thank you.

  28. Thinking of you and the farmy . . . and hoping there is a ‘cow heaven’ on the other side of eternal green pastures and balmy sunshine . . .

  29. I have never even been close to a cow. But through your blog we have all come to love Lady, and will be walking in spirit with you on Thursday. Much love XX

    • I was once told that sharing sorrow halves it while sharing joy doubles it.
      I’m not it’s halving your sorrow, but I hope it help.

  30. All of the above had said it better than I could. ..especially Dona. We owe it to the creatures in our care to treat them as we would want to be treated–assuming we should be so lucky. The future for Lady would be nothing but pain and suffering. You did right by Daisy; and now you will do right by Lady. Very very tough.

  31. Farewell Lady Astor, thank you. Miss C I do hope you are going to have company on that long shitty drive home. Love, love. Laura

  32. No, you are not hard-hearted; and that is very clear from your words. I feel your heart breaking and I admire your attitude, even if it means you are talking yourself into the decision you know to be what is the greatest kindness and demonstrating the greatest respect for your old friend. Sending you hugs and a shoulder to lean on for a bit. Thinking of you today. — Mame 😘

  33. Brave, tough, tender and realistic. You have my respect and my sympathy.

  34. I can’t say anything here that has not already been said in some form or fashion. Thank you for your honesty with us always, for doing the right thing for Lady A and all the animals under your care. Sending you hugs – will be thinking of you on Thursday

  35. I am late reading this one. I am so sorry that you have to make this difficult decision and I would never give you a hard time about it. You have to do what is right. Her time has come and now you make it as easy as possible for her. You are a good farmer.

  36. I understand. When we had to part with my cow, Abigail, it broke my heart. It was also ONLY due to an udder fault. Farming is hard work and hard decisions. People like to think it is all sunshine and white, vanilla pudding clouds. Your blog helps with the true understanding.

  37. Sometimes the right decision is the most the painful one. I’m sorry. She had a good life and you are the one who made that possible.

  38. Good morning, C. I read this yesterday evening and promptly walked to the old river channel. Your words brought memories rushing back of difficult choices and letting go. There really are no words of comfort sweet friend. There’s just a knowing and understanding, because life is what it is and we do our best. I send you love and warmth on the whispering winds.

  39. Dear Celi, I know how those decisions hurt and how hard they are to make. Lady Astor has been a wonderful cow. It’s not just being a cow, it’s a life that has earned the dignity of release. She provided so much for you and the Farmy and you honor that by giving her an end with dignity. As hard as is it to be there at the end, I’ve done so for all my boys (dogs) over the years, I would be for any animal in my life just as I have been for the humans. She will be missed. The changing sky was most eloquent an accompaniment to this sad news.

  40. Dear Miss Cel, We treat our animals with dignity. We give them dignity when they leave this world. Lady Astor had a good life with you. That is not the story in your blog. It is the poverty of children in the wealthiest of countries. It is the inability of those in need of health care and unable to afford it in the wealthiest of countries. It is the horrific madness of children and teachers gunned down in their class rooms and entertainment venues. And it is the avoidance of any comments on these tragedies from any of your followers.

  41. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing this news and your thoughts about it. There are beautiful and supportive comments from so many. I read them all. I hope you feel the support and care coming your way from all of us. I’m sending positive and supportive thoughts for tomorrow and the days after.

  42. I would never ever give you a hard time, nor be judgemental. Not our right! I think that any animal that lives on your farm is very very lucky. Especially this lovely cow which I know was much loved. Thinking of you …

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