What the hell, right. No hugs. No kisses. No closeness. No faces. It is so loud at the mill- with two mills running 24 hours a day now and with masks on all the time – we have given up on casual conversation – just shark attack quick 6 second communications.
If I am home by 7 of an evening it is an early night. I leave at 5.30am. But I could work 24 hours a day and still not be done.
The demand for flour is like a big monster and when that meets a little country mill that celebrated for breaking-even last financial year, well, as you can imagine, the owners are pretty excited. In fact the owners are working longer hours than me trying to keep this thing afloat in these wild seas.
The orders are like a big maw. Insatiable. We keep running out of everything, then finding a new supplier then running out of that, it is an incredibly game of hide and seek.
But surely this has to settle down soon. Something will break. Not me, 12 hours a day is just farmers hours to me. I have been nowhere but the mill and the farm for weeks. Just like you all. Keeping isolated. We need to. I know that. But there must be a way to create joyful communication within this isolation.
Piglets are coming today. This summers first group. That will be good. And I will shift the chicks out into their outside space. Hopefully this last week was the past of the cold. Why is it still so cold.
The good news is that there is a massive drop in pollution. This surely must impact the climate crisis. More people taking walks and sitting in their porches I hope. I have a friend in Chicago who describes every day as a Sunday afternoon.
John’s sons have been sent their stimulus checks of 1200 dollars. I won’t get one because I am not an American citizen though I am still working so I have no need of one. John is retired so his small income is un-interrupted for the moment. Though there is concern that the pension funds have been tied to the stock and mortgage markets.
However we need to all be very frugal. The anxiety of it all must be monitored within ourselves as well. Now is not the time to break and run out screaming – we have a while to go, the time to plan and change has come, we need to be adapting and growing as we hunker down. So we emerge like butterflies new and better prepared and different. It will be different. Now we need to seek ways to thrive. We need to find new ways of getting the job done. New ways of living. New ways of doing business. New ways of being loving.
We adapt – that is what human beings do.
How are you all doing out there. Let’s hear from each other again. Answer each other’s messages too. I love it when you all talk amongst yourselves. We have been the fellowship a long time now. 
Write me a message. Tell us about what is going on in with you and in your region. Tell me how things are with you. Let’s have an update. I worry about you all out there.
🦋All my Instagram posts for the mill have always had this butterfly in them. This blue butterfly. So people know it is me talking – ironic really. 🦋 because this is now where my focus is lying – emerging from all this – new. With wings! Different . We can design a new world.
I need someone to make me a T-shirt!
Cecilia
The Kitchen's Garden 
103 responses to “I KNOW”
Wow, I guess you are in the perfect business for these times, but hope it will slow down a bit for you soon. Glad you are all well, and the arrival of the new babies are such a positive sign of life going on and hope for the future. Here in Michigan, I’m doing my best to try to teach and connect to my 2 preschool classes from afar, and it is so counterintuitive to me, it is very hard, but I know it’s important to show up and continue routines to offer them a sense of security and safety. I’m walking in the parks and woods each day and like you noticed, the air is cleaner, and the animals have returned)
Do you remember when I was doing those classes for teaching English online ? I never did it of course but much of what I learnt there must be what you are doing now. A different voice – colorful backgrounds – reading stories to them – and you can do it all on vid using your phone. Now that I think about it / I should be doing this with my grandchildren . Maybe make little utube vids – magna’s corner or something. Hmm
oh, yes, I’m sure they would love that. you all would.
your grandhhildren would have fun with you!
Great idea!
You are doing something so important in such trying and unfamiliar circumstances. I think teachers are some of the biggest unsung heroes in this crisis.
it’s a huge challenge, but i do think it’s important to keep it going for the children/families ) thank you
I find the omni directional anxiety is now even in my dreams. However, I continue to take my walks and I continue to be able to go to work, like you. I’m grateful that I can maintain that level of normalcy but it’s also what is feeding the anxiety. I’m constantly worried that I’ve caught it and am non-symptomatic and spreading it to everyone at work. Since they have cut staff so hard that if those of us who are left get sick, the place is in deep kimchi. I’ve started a meditation app last night and the dreams were not nearly as bad, so maybe that will help.
The terrible chemicals in the sanitizers and harsh soaps have made my hands break out. But I have discovered that cortisone cream seems to help.
And I’ve figured out a bread recipe/process that works and I’ve developed a rhythm for doing. I’m even starting to dream about branching out into trying different breads. Challah is very tempting.
Ultimately, I guess I’m figuring it out. The transition is hard on my anxiety – but each thing that trips me, I find a solution for. And I just keep taking the next steps.
There is a web page, maybe Facebook, I don’t remember, where people can send their anxious, weird dreams. It’s coronavirus dreams or something like that. I think that’s how the anxiety comes out if you can control it during the day. I like your “deep kimchi!” LOL
My dreams have started, also. I have a challah recipe I’ve been using for twenty years or longer if you’d like it.
I would like that recipe too! I am often asked what flour would be best for challah.
I’ve only ever made it from AP. I’d be curious to taste it with different flours mixed in but am not sure how it would go.
OMG I would love the recipe. I bet lots of us would.
Yes! Would absolutely love it♥️
It’s linked above 🙂
It’s linked above 🙂
I would love that recipe!
It’s linked above 🙂
Plum dirt – get in touch with me! Let’s get your challah recipe here soon!!
I found an online version of it! https://www.bigoven.com/recipe/rachelis-deluxe-challah/1036577
I’ve never done it with raisins as I don’t like raisins inside baked goods. I’ve only done it with AP flour from the grocery store as I haven’t made it in years (before I discovered mills like Janie’s!)
Thank you PlumDirt! There are (at least!) five different Challah recipes listed on Google from this site. WooHoo!! Thanks for this link♥️
Racheli’s Deluxe is the one I use. Enjoy 🙂
Wow, Ive never been on this site before. (20 recipes on the 1st of (at least) 5 pages of challah recipes: ) thanks again. (Send out the Mounties if you don’t hear from me within a day or two, lol: )
The meditation app and short periods of daily meditation are both wonderful ideas. Sending loving, peaceful energies and thoughts your way. xo
Thank you. I found it encouraging that it seemed to help so quickly. Nothing seems to work that quickly in my life
Being retired, the biggest change is no physical contact with my children and grandchildren. I spin, knit or weave, prep my garden, and cook. My last blog post shows I contribute to your long hours with my jar of Janie’s Mill flour beside my bread bowl. Spring is coming, new growth but we still had frost last night.
Knitting is such a nice way to pass a couple hours : )
Spring is going to make the world of difference – I feel bad for my children on the other side of the world going into winter with all this.
It’s odd how being productive is some how a hit hollow without the ability to share the moments.
I get out and walk, sometimes with my grand kids and a great grandson. I’m sure it helps me sleep. I spend a lot of time thinking of what I should be doing instead of diving in and doing it. But that’s the worst of it. Hope everyone finds their best way of coping.
I also think a lot about how we are all going to be going forward.
Good morning! You must miss the quiet of the barn terribly . I know I would. I have a little yarn shop here in town and my business has been impacted a lot. I am staying afloat with some mail orders and I pick up phone messages. People are knitting during their hours at home so I just might survive this with enough sales : )
I am carla_knit2yarns on Instagram if anyone wants to follow along. Bless you as you work so hard to fill orders !
Fun fact : I also started baking bread again. Sooooo good
I’ve bought the wrong yarn twice in an attempt to make my husband a winter hat. I am the newest of beginners. I crocheted a pot holder once, age 8, and knitted a wonky scarf once, age 10. Any recommendations for yarn and a hat pattern? And does your Instagram link to your shop?
Carla! Thank you so much for linking your shop to us! Are you in our Cottage business page? It is so long since I have been there I forget what we call it. But we need to re- invigorate that during this time!
Tincan knits has lots of free patterns for beginners. A worsted weight or #4 yarn would be great
Thank you!
This is so hard on small business. Even with the CARES act, it’s going to take time and resources to come out at base line. I hope that the online sales keep coming and you come out with a broader customer base.
Hi Cecilia! Good to know you’re doing well. I live in Spain and we’ve been in quarantine at home since March 16th, the kids since the 12th. It’s being hard to juggle work, family, housekeeping and entertainment for this long, but we are doing ok. None of us has gotten sick which is good. Although several friends have lost some relative. It is very sad.
We still have at least another 15 days ahead of us but we will be fine. Thanks for being such an inspiration. Take care!!!
Tons of good thoughts and love coming your way from us. Spain id having such a hard time of it!
Thanks Cecilia! Same to you! Take care
Celi, I’ve missed your posts! And I much admire your ability to pull 12-hour days. My husband and I live in Illinois as well, southwest of Chicago, and I agree, why is it still cold? 😦 It would help us all immensely to be outside in more comfortable weather. We are retired since 2017, and both had part-time jobs that we loved, which neither of us are able to do since the virus. I spend as much time outside as I can, walking, and soon working more in the yard and sitting on the deck, camera in hand. When inside, I knit, read, cook and try to clean things long neglected. I love reading blogs from all over the world, and connecting with others. It blows the mind how similarly we all live – our feelings, our anxieties, our love for our families and friends. Perhaps this is one way the Earth can unite us. I agree with you too, on understanding we must all morph into a new way of living, and caring for our Mother Earth and each other. Be well, Celi, and enjoy those new piggies!
It is sort of crazy how the whole world, across all cultures is having the same weird and scary exp. I too hope it makes us more united.
I hope your part time job recovers Karla. Like you I do love to work!
It certainly is a strange time and to a certain extent if it was for the news I wouldn’t notice much change. Since I’m in cottage country and we rely very heavily on the seasonal business now is when the trouble starts to really be evident locally. Cottagers are discouraged from coming up, the camp grounds are closed and getting any sort of business done is much more awkward. I’m in a bit of limbo, since my property is sold the bakery is closed. Now I’m concentrating on finding a new place to build a life again but that is going to be complicated since realty has slowed down and the banks are hard to contact as well as lawyers. Plus I’ve got to move a ton of stuff; tools, bakery equipment, household, etc. Every once in a while I feel overwhelmed but for the most part I’m the type who just plods along getting shit done. As a customer said, ” just put your head down and do the next thing, don’t look any further ahead than you have to.” I’m healthy, so is everyone I know, that’s good and enough.
I’ve stumbled across that same sentiment in many different places these past few weeks (to do the next step, the next right thing.) We’re also trying to plan a big move and I have to keep my focus on going through our things to donate/sell/release somehow so we’ll have less to move. That’s about all there is to physically do right now about the move.
My mother in laws mother in law used to say – clean the house one corner at a time. I always liked that idea!
Hi there. We’ve been in since March 11th, celebrated a 4th birthday at home, a 91st birthday from afar (closer to you than me,) and are coming up on a 6th birthday in about a week. I’ve started making sourdough like seemingly half the country but the kids won’t touch it so I’ve been sneaking it into banana bread and today will be waffles. I’ve added three new gardens to the big ones I’ve had. And I started an even bigger garden at a friend’s house and we are able to chat from a safe distance a few times a week.
Last week was hard, as 3/4 of us had been sick, I was grateful to qualify for screening, and hoped to be positive as our symptoms were all mild and we’d be able to put some anxiety behind us. The test came back negative only to find out there is a high “false negative “ rate with the testing.
And we had to say goodbye to our eighteen year old kitty 😥 It was better for him but still very hard.
To test positive then get better you become a very important member of the community – building the immunity of the collectively. I can see your point if the negative cannot be trusted. How boring!
A big part of the high negative rate has to do with trouble we’ve had with education about testing. If they didn’t stick the swab way back in your nose (until it felt like your brain was being scrambled) for 10-15 seconds on each side, you have a much higher chance of getting a false negative. It’s very specific and a bit rougher than a flu swab.
I really hope we get good serology testing soon (for antibodies). I’m in a similar boat– I got mild sick, though I didn’t bother with testing because I didn’t ever have a fever. It would be nice to know (if) I have antibodies. I think we would find that a lot of healthcare workers have developed the antibodies for it, even if they didn’t get sick. Here in Seattle, we’re pretty sure we were seeing active cases (without the kind of protection we have now instituted) before we were looking for it.
Thank you for explaining. They did scratch my brain (bloody nose and a headache all day after) but only on one side. They were also quite surprised by the blood so perhaps that was something amiss as well.
I would much rather have blood drawn many times before doing that again. I hope there is an antibody test soon and it’s made available to everyone after healthcare workers get first dibs.
Blood is unusual, but perhaps your nose was very dry. I hope we get serology for everyone too!
Life in London is eerily quiet, outside it’s more like being in the countryside, no background rumble of traffic. From my window I see people walking and jogging down the street, often down the middle of the road since passing cars are few and far between. This last week though the number of people out walking has diminished, I think people are very cautious right now. On the few occasions I’ve been out the only sign of activity is the long queues outside supermarkets. My own life hasn’t changed much, I’m retired and live on my own, watch far too much TV. I really miss meeting up with friends for a capuccino, but welcome the street WhatsApp group that’s been set up. One person in the group, a chef, has started selling freshly made sourdough bread to us neighbors.
How do they organize the queues outside the supermarket ? I have not been in one since February !
Well it kind of looks like those queues in communist era Russia that they used to show us as propaganda as to how west was best … a security guard on the door, then one-out-one-in … with social distancing and people standing 6 foot apart that makes for a long looking queue. I went past my usual mid-size supermarket and the queue stretched the full width of the frontage, then round the corner where they’d set up barriers to make a zig-zag queue, Disney would approve.
Life isn’t so different for me. My work goes on, except now that Forrest is working from home I must keep things more quiet as he’s on conference calls a lot. He just lets me know when there is a window of opportunity to run the vacuum or kitchen electrics! It’s all about shifting gears. My farm girl roots have always taught me to be prepared for anything, and common sense is how I live. Since Forrest isn’t selling eggs at work now, we still have a few of his co-workers come to call at the front gate – the transaction is made masked and gloved up with distance kept. Surplus eggs are distributed for free to needy neighbors.
You mentioned John’s retirement nest egg – that’s something that we are now unsure about. Forrest had hoped for early retirement next year, but that is up in the air now. Lot’s of things are unknown at the moment in the world. I believe there is a shift in global consciousness – it’s a time to be ready, to move forth with open minds and hearts, to be alert with all senses. I think COVID-19 is just a part of the transition. It is an important time for all of us to be flexible and to have compassion and understanding.
No nest egg I am afraid / his retirement payment is a stipend however at least it is steady at the moment . I agree we must be ready to change / and it is a good thing too!
I’m going to copy this and share it with my missing, and missed, family: ” it’s a time to be ready, to move forth with open minds and hearts, to be alert with all senses.” It’s so encouraging to hear good words from others.
Living alone, but still working as I am considered “essential” has kept me connected to the world in ways that I wouldn’t be otherwise. I order my groceries online and go pick them up. Other essentials come to my door as I don’t remember the last time I actually went into a store in person. The grandchildren and I talk over video, or on occasion through glass as they leave pictures on my doorstep or I leave them treats on theirs.
My life was rather solitary before this virus, so I notice the changes more with others rather than myself. I wonder if all the families I see, doing simple things like walking together outside, or gardening together will continue sharing time once restrictions are lifted, or if the slower pace will disappear.
I am sure it will stay in children’s minds – how their parents won’t this time with them / plus teaching them – with homework and so forth. It must make an impression.
You wouldn’t recognise London – it’s perpetually like a bank holiday back in the 70s – especially in the City. The lack of cars and people, does make for good cycling and as we are allowed out for execise, I’m making the most of it. The council closed all markets in Islington – very short sited IMHO. Breathing in recycled supermarket air can’t be good and local farmers need to be appreciated and supported. Fortunately, my farmer also has a stall in London Fields, so I have been there this morning. It’s now 2 people shopping at a time, so I went early and was 8th in the queue, 30 minutes before it was officially open at 10 am. The extra distance is no hardship, with a sunny ride through the leafy streets of De Beauvoir Town.
I’m looking forward to meeting your new pigs!
Keep safe.
Anything outdoor has GOT to be better! I occasionally have city people come down and sit in the hay field. It is kind of sweet!
You can’t get safer than an empty hay field!
Holy cow- you are working hard. Do pace yourself…rest is important also! We are fine here in the Pacific Northwest. Both of us have been retired for years…but that doesn’t mean we are sitting on our derrieres! We are finishing projects, starting and finishing new one…lots of progress here.We cannot just sit and watch TV. Matter of fact I watch very little. Too much hype and yelling. I’d rather be peaceful and do what I can. Our little neighborhood of 44 houses in a circular street ( some houses on the inside of the circle and some on the outer side of the circle) is a circle of friends and helpful hands.We all
do what we can do to help each other and keep everyone’s spirits positive. Take care and be safe. Cannot wait to see the photos of piglets! They will make all of us smile! Hugs all round!
psI have two blogs going right now- one just for this month- here’s Saturday’s 2020 A to Z post: about penguins
https://katheatoz.blogspot.com/2020/04/saturday-april-18-2020-p-is-for-penguin.html
And I haven’t been able to find flour (along with some other things) at my local store. Guess everyone has taken up baking again. Morning miss c….t