When the Duke of Kupa (my first big peacock) – was sick in that terrible winter – was it 2018? – his tail feathers stopped growing. The Duke died of pneumonia and because it was the middle of the worst winter I ever experienced out here. The ground was frozen solid. As hard as glass.
I had to fold his beautiful body into a plastic bag and store him in the freezer until I could bury him with honors. I never told anyone. Our John would have been appalled. His family would have laughed at me. But there you are. Sometimes secrets are necessary to protect your own sanity.
Nothing felt right about losing that great big beautiful bird.
So, I have to admit to breathing a sigh of relief when I see Mr Flowers fluffy bottom. A healthy peacock growing his winter feathers back in is both comical and promising.
Two forlorn tail feathers from his last molt have stubbornly refused to detach so he looks more disheveled than usual. But his new feathers are coming through fast.
Tima
Tima spends most of her day out on the big fields eating the red clover cover crop.
If she goes anywhere near the white chickens Boo runs her off. This is not good for their relationship (to be fair they don’t have much of a relationship) but the chick fence is a bit rickety, using smoke and mirrors to keep the chickens corralled, so it is best that Tima does not know how easy it would be to break in and eat all their food!
Big Jude
Big Jude and FreeBee are back in the big field. Probably for the winter now.
I know they only stay behind their fences out of habit. They could easily take those fences apart. They spend most of their time laying about in the barn anyway. This last week has been hot.
Hay
The boys banded together and slung all the hay into the barn for me yesterday. I thought I would have more time to help but The Matriarch needed extra care yesterday too. I guess this situation in town will keep changing. I am developing enormous respect for caregivers of the elderly.
Every battle she and I (as her handmaiden) encountered before focused on rehabilitation – grief, broken hips, knees replaced and covid etc. it was all about getting better. We set goals and worked together towards her independence.
This feels like we take one step up and two back down every day.
Night Walks
My night walks have become a source of great solace.
Once everyone – including the humans – are all tucked up and safe in their beds – Boo and I walk out into the night, blending in with the dark. If anyone was watching we would be there one second and gone the next. But no one is watching.
As we walk I feel my whole self tick and clink back into place like cooling metal.
My body becomes mine again.
BooBoo and I become a cat and an owl and move with the night. (Now there’s a story just waiting to be writ).
Have a lovely day.
Celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
44 responses to “Fluffy Bottomed Mr Flowers”
I feel for you. We are in the middle of elder care ourselves (hubbies parents). It is not easy. I love that you saved the old peacock until the weather was better for a proper burial. That is another story waiting to be written. xo
We should all band together and exchange notes. Because this is setting up to be a rough ride.
We should. At least we know we are not alone in this.
We are not alone. And I feel comforted by that.
Those night walks sound like a source of great sense of being and strength.
Yes – the days are so long that I don’t have time to walk in daylight at the moment. What with driving back and forth between town and country. So – I’ll take it!
Night walks. Such treasures. For shedding the day’s noise and work (even if willingly taken on). A time for sorting and balancing and regaining sense of self along with place in the world. What would be do without them? (And the freezer makes perfect sense to me.) Peace and strength sent.
Thank you Mouse! Regaining sense of self and place. That is exactly it! A perfect reframe. Have a gorgeous day!
I never had to face the caregiver role- my parents were both gone suddenly so it was the aftermath of it all. I’m watching my daughter in law as she tries to be the rock for her mom- dad is in the midst of increasing dementia and it has been a struggle. He will have professional care available starting today in fact, so perhaps one or two small deep breaths can sneak their way in. They need it badly, just as your entire family does…
I am sad to hear that you lost your parents suddenly- that must have been very hard. Introducing professional care is both hard and a relief. Dementia in the family has everyone on tenterhooks – it is hard to live with
Duke of Kupa, that seems a long time ago. Good send off l’d say. Sorry to hear of continued suffering of the Matriarch( if l may be so familiar)? You must be getting so tired. Good pigs, well Jude and Freebee! Your night walks must be good for you and l bet Boo loves that time. Thinking of you.
We are in for a long haul.
At least nobody happened on The Duke, and tried to roast him for Thanksgiving dinner.
Very lucky – in the old days peacock was eaten at lavish dinners!
Exactly!
Yes! Stuffed with geese that was stuffed with a duck then – maybe pheasant – I know they ended with a tiny songbird. That meal always fascinated me.
This is interesting:
https://www.tastesofhistory.co.uk/post/a-brief-history-of-food-peacock
Ha ha!! That would have been bad Misky!!
I’m glad you’ve got the hay in – it’s a precious commodity.
It is- we have piles this year. But this cut is taking a bit of drying.
Your story of having to store The Duke in the freezer is a very sad thing, but it’s definitely not strange (at least to me) as I did the same when one of our Lovely Girl’s pups was stillborn in midwinter.
While the cycle of life and death are normal and necessary, there were already so many going through this as the Baby Boomers aged before covid and even more now – I feel for all of you there Celi, and think of you often… With more hugs, Deb
Fantastic about having the help and getting the hay under cover and, with all of the heat this year, walking with Boo at night under the stars makes complete sense❤️
I l know Deb, it is strangely very warm here. But not to uncommon. We might have a warm winter with El Niño.
Yes, I’m afraid you might be right about the El Niño winter. While spring and early summer were fantastic for regular rain this year, we really haven’t had any since the beginning of August.
Yes! And yes! It is the way of things. It is my pleasure to help smooth her way – with my little handmaidens brush.
I love walking at night also. For the same reason. Everything comes back to self and peace and beauty
I was fortunate. My maternal grandmother, father and mother all were mentally competent, it was the aging bodies and injuries that were difficult to deal with. Also they fully understood was was happening to them and in a way it would have been easier if they hadn’t. Each of them would apologize for needing the help and care. A journey of forty some years with the three of them.
A friend is dealing with his mother now but she is no longer sure who he is and has completely forgotten her other children which makes things miserable as she trusts no one and fights the things that are necessary for her safety and well-being. They had put her in a nursing home but brought her back to her house because the nursing home just sedated her and left her in her bed all the time. My friend told me that even with things so disruptive and difficult they all decided they’d rather have their mother at home and as aware as she an be each day. It’s very painful for them.
The night walks are necessary for your own sanity and relief. Having the animals helps too. I don’t know how I would’ve managed with out my dogs through the years.
Sending strength and good thoughts. I have been a caregiver for my mum when she was recovering from serious illness. I was a lot younger then, in my late teens. Truth be told, since then I’ve never quite stepped out of the caregiving instinct to be responsible and look after things for other people.
The worry and strain is immense. I’m glad you have something for you, too, with your night walks. Caregivers often neglect themselves. Put your oxygen mask on first (easier said than done, I know).
Yes! Absolutely my oxygen mask and my life jacket! We have a lot to learn from each other.
It is comforting to read of the journies of everyone in their various caregiver roles. I am blessed my mom is as healthy as she is at 95 but still I feel the stress of being the only person nearby to care, take her to appointments, groceries, and be on call 24/7. It is not an easy road and especially knowing that it likely will only become more intense week by week, month by month, and year by year. I didn’t know how it was affecting me until I took a three week break while my sister came to mom sit. Those night time walks sound like a good get away but I would prefer a beach than the winter that will soon be upon us in Alberta. Remember to take care of yourself caregivers!
I absolutely agree Del! Caregivers need to look after themselves too/ – life jacket first/ I am thinking that we need to create sone kind of support group – there is so much we can teach each other – teach me! Being on call 24/7 is hard!!
It’s hard being in the center of all that and so much good and so many challenges at the same time
So many challenges. But the dust is settling. I see the pathway now.
We are the sandwich generation supporting our elders and younger… but we’re all in it together with have a sense of humour.. repertoire of other survival tactics at least.
I once encountered a/n -unwapped- budgie being held over in the kitchen freezer waiting for an opportune time to conduct the necessaries…
Un wrapped- merciful heavens!
I think the title of this post is one of the best I ever read! Who would ever guess the content from the title, unless they were Farmy Friends…
I will be spared elder care. At 23, I nursed my mother when she died of breast cancer. When my father died a few years ago aged 97, I was 18,000kms away and unable to help. The Husband’s father died years ago, and his mother lives a five minute walk from both her daughters… We have no children, so our own care will be in the hands of friendly strangers. Odd to think of that…
It is odd to think of that. Like you I am far far far away from my own family. So to have care when I am old I will need to be back in NZ. And how to do that defeats me.
What defeats me is the possibility of being *alone* and far from family. If I’m with the Husband, we can look after each other.
I hear you – totally get that – and like you – I fight being dependent like a dog!!