You know how we run our lives expecting that all will be well when we get all our ducks in a row or something. We plan endlessly expecting a perfect life. Save against that – insure against this. We roll along thinking I will get over this hump and solve this problem and sort this situation out and then it will be better. Better forever. I will be THERE. And then it isn’t better and we are nowhere and we are endlessly shocked. Like a mouse in a maze we keep racing along looking for the magic door that will lead us to a perfect life.
I think we have it back to front, inside out, upside down. 
There is no perfect life. There is not even a perfect day. Unless we realise that a Perfect life is FULL of bumps and jiggles. This is what life is. It is meant to be this way. Fat days and bad hair days. Running for trains or missing planes. Lost bookings and reluctant plumbers. Not enough straw or mould in the hay. Fences slowly falling and missing chicks. Money troubles and killing frosts and children gone off the rails and dogs dying and illness in the cattle and not one truck that runs and coughing cats and tires deflating. Pot holes in the track and air full of bean dust. I think THIS IS the norm. This is the way it is. This is an ordinary day. No need to complain about this day.
I think I need to wake up and work faster and say to each problem – Yes, Excellent, thank you. How can I fix this – then I/we spin to another corner and say again Yes, Excellent, thank you – what is the problem! I can do this. Then do it again. And again. Just Shut Up and Deal with it. There is no perfect. This is how our lives are. Fast, furious and sometimes life threatening. Heart breaking. Good. This is the way it is meant to be. These are the normal days. Good mean pushy days.Spit in your eye days. Days that challenge and stretch us. Days that deserve a drink at dusk.
A perfectly calm day without troubles is most unusual and should be celebrated! A perfectly calm day with no-one coughing and no-one dying and no mean decisions and no ice or snow and no bendy tree winds – These are unusually wonderful and should be celebrated.
Like yesterday. Charlotte the book illustrator in Milan liked the new words in the childrens book. I created an address book of 86 people who want to write for the next Fellowship book – Letters For my Baby Girl. (if you did not get your letter let me know) The big pigs and the little pigs wandered about the fields eating grass. The calves and sheep wandered about the other fields eating grass. There were no skunk hits or mink sightings. The chickens laid 11 eggs. I collected four buckets of pears and did not burn the dinner. It rained but only a little and it was not too cold. I visited the Old Codger, chatted with The Matriarch (who had kindly done all my laundry) and collected bags of vegetables for the pigs from the local store. The kittens got fatter, all the chicks were still in the loft and Poppy did not escape. It was a good day.
My good calm day was special and I knew it. Unusual. Worthy of celebration.
I hope you have one of these good calm days today. Just don’t be afraid of the crappy days. They are perfectly normal. Just say: Excellent – Good Now I know what the problem is – I will find the solution. Taking control of the problem is power. Don’t give it away. Push – all the time. Be the best You can Be. Always. And remember everyones best is different. Then embrace and relax into those gentle calm days. And charge your batteries.
Love your friend on the farmy,
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
106 responses to “A moments respite”
I so adore you!
Celi, I can always rely on you for wisdom. Today has been a little (lot) frightening from the health point of view. Lots of sudden uncertainty about something I thought was over, fixed, cured. But you’re right. The correct response is: Excellent, so that’s the problem. Now, time to work on the solution… The only problem now is that the outcome is not just up to me, I have to rely on other people… It’s wobbly, but there IS a smile on my face.
I read your comment and my heart went out to you, because my mother is in a very similar situation with her health. Uncertainty over health issues is horrible and waiting/relying on other people, as my mother and I are currently doing, is even worse. But I love Celi’s positive message in this post.
Take care!
Thank you! I’d be able to cope much better if I just knew… Hopefully a few more days will bring a few answers.
Oh Kate! I have everything crossed for you. XO
Thank you so very much – don’t leave them crossed too long or too hard!
Kate: we’ll all be there hoping for the best possible . . . and if things should be as Celi describes them oft being . . . . please say ‘this too will pass’!
It will pass, one way or the other! I got through it once before, and if necessary, I can do it again. It’s immeasurably helpful to know that people are behind me and crossing their fingers for me. I cannot adequately express my gratitude….
No need to darling girl.. you know that we know..all good, now stop the pacing.. i know you are walking around in circles, nothing you do now will change anything.. not for any of us.. sleep.. Sleeeeep .. c
Would be lovely, but the pain in my hip – which has raised this whole issue – is not letting me sleep well. I’m positive I’d be coping a lot better if I was well rested. So I’m making busy with small things, waiting, waiting for the bloody phone call…
Ok – hip pain: being practical – when you lie down have you tried all four positions [sides, back and front?] Have you tried one of those ‘boyfriend-cuddle pillows’? Lifting the affected leg just a wee bit onto a soft thick surface? My back is shot and I have ‘taught’ myself to find the most comfortable spot!! hugs Eha
The ONLY way I can sleep is on the opposite side, with a pillow between my knees to prevent too sharp an angle of the bad leg. But every time I shift in my sleep, the dratted things falls out, the pain wakes me and it’s time to start over!
you have my prayers on your side Kate , whatever the problem
Greatly appreciated. A full body bone scan two years after cancer… Pray HARD.
Damn it. Bastard disease. Roll with it my darling. Take it all with great big strides. You are strong enough. I know you are. And remember that this is your body, you are in charge of the decision making. The Fellowship and I will always be here at your keyboard. We are right here. Keep us well informed with all the language you need to use. You have a huge base of energy to draw for this round of tests. Your letter to your seven baby girls is perfect. Thank you so much. So far away you are.. but so close.. my dear friend.. c
Rolling with it, I promise. Everyone is sort of skirting around the subject, but the orthopedic guy used the dreaded phrase ‘possible metastatic disease’. A hip replacement due to chemo bone damage is next favourite down the list, followed by arthroscopic surgery as my personal favourite, avoiding as it does the nasty C word. I will feel the power of the Fellowship folded around me as I lie in the scanners with various toxic chemicals coursing through my veins…. 🙂
Bastard toxic chemicals. If it is the C word that means you have been living with a low level C this entire time. And quite well actually. This is an interesting thought. Bone damage from chemo is nasty, I have heard some of these new hips are really clever, i hope they let you look at it before they put it in. WISH there was a way we could get you out here for a few months convalescence after this next round. Even in the middle of winter the Coupe is a magic place.. And you would be eating nothing but clean food, not one toxic chemical while you recover. Think on it.. Now, when is the nasty scanner appointment? ..
Waiting for a phone call tomorrow morning; there’s a big waiting list for the MRI, but the surgeon marked the request slips urgent, so I may be lucky. I have to have the nuclear bone scan first in case it shows up hot spots. Then the MRI with a gadolinium injection into my hip joint. Cringing at the thought already. And the last lot of cancer was invisible on x-ray and ultrasound, only found by accident. Hence the low grade terror… I’m concentrating hard on the thought that OF COURSE it’s not cancer again. It’s just something they can fix easily. Wishin’ and hopin’….
Prayers coming from this direction too!
Thank you so much. I feel very supported by all the prayers, thoughts and love coming from the Fellowship…
Prayers coming from this direction Kate!
and this onw
Sorry to hear this Kate. I take it you have someone lined up to drive you to the appointment. I have a friend in Dublin, Ireland. in a similar situation at the moment. He was told not to drive himself to the scan appointment as the effort could give false ‘hotspot’ readings. I’ll have a candle burning for you, if you let us know the date.
Thanks for the tip, I’ll wait and see what they tell me when they call this morning with my appointment. And please don’t burn my candle in front of St Jude!
Praying for you too…
All prayers gratefully received!
Oh Kate…………thinking of you and heartfelt prayers zipping up the highway. xxx
Thank you so much, and welcome back, your voice has been missed.
Praying, Kate! 😙
Thank you. The Fellowship has been wonderfully supportive!
My prayers always reach the right place. Maybe you would let me know how you get on..thinking of u
Will do!
Have to tell you: My confirmation name is JUDE!! c
It’s a great name, which I love, but as the patron saint of lost causes, he’s not the guy for GrannyMar’s candle…. I’ll take St Luke, who’s the patron saint of doctors.
I know it.. and my mother used to pray to st jude when she lost things.. which was often.. I’ll take luke too,and whatever saint is for strong independent women!
No reason to choose …although they both are bound to be gracious/understanding enough not to be slighted. Warm healing thoughts. posiitve energy, prayers – a “rose” by any name is still a rose and beautiful. You’re wrapped in friendship – a powerful source. Hang in there
have you been for your scan !
Had the bone scan, waiting to hear about an MRI appointment. I swear WAITING is the hardest medical procedure ever invented! All the rest give you something positive to do…
Have faith , you will be ok
Kate, positive thoughts and prayers (whichever you prefer) go out to the universe on your behalf. Relying on others for your very life is so unsettling and just plain HARD! They do not have to live one moment inside your scared heart. I do hope the news comes quickly and that it is good.
Oh boy, me too! And I’ll take positive thoughts or prayers, whichever comes more naturally to you… I just wish I could turn off the Plain Scared switch in my brain and just get on with things till I get some news, but stuff like this is paralyzing…
I fully understand. We’ve been dealing it too this week. But you must construct a switch. Worrying/stress physically harms the body and you must rally all forces to heal. Laughter. Watch the Simpsons – be around one who can get you to crack a smile and won’t give up until you do. (That’s the one who shivers when you aren’t around to see) You can do this.
Everyone should know this. They don’t, unfortunately. It’s vital knowledge, along with go to the toilet before you put on your snowsuit….
I hope you are going to put that sage piece of advice in your Letters to my Baby Girl!!.. c
LOL!
Thank you for reminding me!
I used to have a farm that sounds very like yours. Brings back memories like sleeping under a tree all night just in case the cow decided to drop her calf (she did – and all by herself). The heifer whose calf couldn’t be born – husband away, no car, telephone dead – neither animal survived. The collie who insisted on giving birth in the footwell in my car. The bottle fed lamb we lost during shearing – she was fast asleep upstairs in bed. The tiny rabbit the cat brought in and got taken to bed (and squashed) by my very young daughter, and so on and so on. Thanx for a lovely blog.
Sounds familiar! There is so much fun and heartbreak in farming.. c
And in family life. (Mine is like bendy trees right now, so your post means so much, so encouraging.) This group feels like a big family. Open family. I don’t know anyone here. . . yet I do.
Prayers for you, Kate.
Thank you, Celi, for writing. I always dreamed of life on a farm . Your photographs make it real. Maybe dreams are real. Friendships too, even those I only read about.
You are in the right place, this is a most unusual and wonderful collection of people.. a bendy tree family life is good, trees that bend don’t break! well done.. c
Great thoughts and words -just what I need today.
This sounds a lot like the Noble Truths in Buddhism. http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15397/3-buddhist-beliefs-that-will-rock-your-world-and-make-you-much-happier.html. I’m exploring the first one right now, Suffering in inevitable. I want to say it is a BAD thing, something to be avoided, but if there wasn’t suffering how could we know and appreciate joy. At least that is the idea.
Yes! I thought this as well when reading Celi’s wonderful words! To keep desiring the one next thing that will make everything better….and then I’ll be happy….leads to constant unhappiness and wanting. Instead, being in the moment, and living and experiencing every moment, and saying, as Celi says, and I love this, ‘Yes, Excellent, thank you.’ And then going about doing what needs to be done. I just love Celi’s words of wisdom, and also just love the Buddhist Teachings. Have a fabulous day!!!
A very wise and thought provoking post. Love the farmy!
Thanks for the talk, I really needed it. You are a wise woman.
This is the other reason I visit the farmy everyday – the quiet re-assurance and encouragement offered. Soo … who actually gets to decide what normal is? Hope you get to have lots more of these celabratory days C. Laura
it took almost 60 years to relize that my ducks will never be in a row.
so i retired from work at earliest possible time i was permitted, and then eliminated the most troublesome ducks in other parts of my life, bought a rowboat, and learned to fish.
when i need excitement, i kidnap, with their parents permission, the neighbor kids to hit the lake.
the up side is, one of the boys was not doing too good in school last yr, he had to go to summer school. this yr he is making much better grades, said he is not wasteing another summer of not haveing time for fishing.
i still got a few ducks that are in danger of being eliminated, but i finally learned to enjoy the simple things
Well Said. 🙂
Oh my! Oh My! Reading through your post I really thought that you were going to say that something terrible had happened…but relief, relief and a great sigh..it was all ok.
Yes some days is good and some days is bad but reading your post everyday always makes a bad day good…..your way with words is incredible.
Have a GREAT GOOD DAY Miss C xxxxx all day
Me too! I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop! However, it was her title that kept my hopes up as I read quickly through. 🙂
In one of my morning readings today there was a piece about how our attitude shapes the quality of our lives, and then open my email and click on the link to your blog and there you are telling me the same thing!
Hmmm… I think it’s time for me to pay some attention to this concept. I think it’s exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you!!
Words can not express how much I love this post today, Ce. It is so true. There are crappy days. Downright horrible no good days when nothing goes right or according to plan but then there are those days when there are few challenges and obstacles and those are the days that I revel in and realize that any challenge so far in my 54 years of life has been overcome somehow. I have gotten on the other side. I have made it through some icky things. The sun ALWAYS comes up –some days it shines brighter than others but it always comes up. I feel a blog post coming on……thanks. I am definitely sharing this post. I loved it. Thank you!
Beautiful light in the second photo. Taking some thoughts with me today, including no two bests are the same.