When my fourth son was eleven he was a hellion. I was a solo Mum by then, working all the time – working. One day he was seen skateboarding down the hill from our house at speed, in the middle of the road, wearing my big black coat and carrying a petrol can – while I was at work – I had two jobs, single parent households often have one parent with two jobs. He was asked to stay home from school on more than one occassion and I began to beat a weary track into the headmasters carpet.
He was on the road to trouble. Growing fast, hair long, often angry, often incredibly beautifully caring, the clearest blueist eyes but shot with fury.
And he could not sit still. Barely slept. Wild. Stunning.
He was saved by one of his teachers. To my shame I cannot remember her name but she saw the potential that my son had at eleven years old and had him transferred to her classroom.
In New Zealand the school kids bring their own lunch to school, there are no cafeterias in New Zealand Public Schools, every day unless it is raining hard, the kids eat their lunch outside, (if it is raining they eat in the hall) no matter the season, winter and summer in Hawkes Bay where the kids and I grew up, we ate outside then played sports until the bell. One day in a snarly mood, after lunch, my son said to this teacher that there was not enough shelter in the playground for the children to eat under. They were too exposed.
So, she said, I imagine her raising her eyebrows, why don’t you design something for shade then. So he did. He designed a beautiful big canvas roofline with poles to hold it up, it was to float like a sail but with five corners, He carefully drew the pictures, added the dimensions and with the encouragement of his teacher, called around town and got quotes for the job. With all this in hand he wrote a proposal to the school to fund it. He was eleven years old remember. They said yes – it was a good idea – then this 11 year old proceeded to supervise the job. And he and his friends and many many other kids got to sit in the shade to have their lunch from then on. He also won most improved prize at the end of that school year and this was not a small school. His mother cried. He was proud. Pride is like rocket fuel to a kid – to know justifiable pride in his accomplishments. 
He was the youngest kid ever to be accepted into the NZ film school. He is now a fast tracking producer for a film company in New Zealand that I am not allowed to name here but if you watch movies with little short guys and big feet you will have seen his work. (and the work of other members of my family for that matter).
One person can change the course of a Whole life. If only they learn to say yes. Togerther, Yes. Yes we can.
One of my favourite sayings is simply that. “Actually. I can.”
But kids get a hard time when their heads come up too high. My sister is a bully, I love her because she is my sister and bright and witty and talented and sharp but after spending only three days with her in New Zealand over a week ago I am still struggling to blot out her barbed comments, trying to unhear some of the words she flicks out like little fires at your face. Always with a smile though. Always. She just knots me up, I could feel my shoulders hunching back into a teenage huddle as I spent time with her. My eye went to pieces. I ruined shots, second guessed myself, lost the light and retreated to the kitchen in an apron. My Mother used to laugh that my sister was Mary and I was Martha. I loved Martha – she fed people.
Anyway. I use her as an example of dream trampling. Be careful: just because you do not have the same dreams does not mean you can tromp on mine.
Let’s get back to paying it forward.
My son’s teacher was not the kind of person who sent a kid cowering back into the corner. She allowed him to fly. 
A friend came to me the other day (One of the Fellowship actually) and said there was a young lady living locally, eleven years old, who is simply amazing with animals. She watches and studies and catches ground squirrels and wild rabbits, follows snakes, tracks coyotes. She is having a bit of trouble at school, there has been bullying and she and her family are working very hard at keeping her dreams afloat, my friend thought that this girl might benefit from visiting the farm once or twice a week after school.
I spoke to this girl on the phone the other day and she was bubbling with excitement, cows she breathed, pigs she sighed – what else, what else is there? Can I pet them? I have some special little pigs I said – they Have to be petted and brushed often. I’ll do it, she said, I’ll do it!
So today she came to begin her training as a farm cadet. Look at her managing those dogs. She has said Yes to everything. She did not take one step back. This wee girl has fire. She is smart. She deserves wings. An may even be reading this today.
Coco Chanel once said “We are not born with wings so do nothing to impede their growth.”
Paying it forward. Thank you to the teacher who lifted my fourth son up into the air so he could unfurl his wings when I was so tired working two and sometimes three jobs that I could not. Here is my chance to do the same for our the new worker on my team.
I hope you have a lovely day.
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
89 responses to “Paying it Forward”
Oh boy. That story hit so very close to home. You have actually raised my son’s twin. Jonathan is the most beautiful, brilliant, kindhearted nightmare in the world. His eyes are so very chocolate brown that they are black. I used to say that if he’s alive to reach 30 yrs old, I will have succeeded. Well, at 30, he was in Japan and survived the earthquake and tsunami. Call that a grand finale Jon? I so very much hope so! Now that he’s approaching 35, he’s actually showing slight signs of settling down.
I’m so glad you’ve taken this young girl to the farm. Many times I believe that happens round here with my homestay students. Most are over 15 yrs old, but still, first time abroad, first time on their own, in a foreign language, foreign customs, foods, rules, every day a new discipline to learn. Occasionally one has never used a toaster, or made a bed, or recycled a piece of paper. I hope that being with my family helps them become fuller adults more able to succeed in the world.
We tell young people “hitch your wagon to a star.” I think this gifted & lucky young girl has just found one of the first magnitude to guide her.
Great quote. I will use it often.
Sniffles here, but good sniffles. There are so many of these kids at my school, angry, pissed off at the world, mostly boys, but quite a few girls. If only we could help them find their wings. Thank you for helping this young girl, C. I hope I get to meet her. Years ago, there was a young, angry man who I took into the library. He got kicked out of PE for refusing to dress out and causing problems. He helped me pick out a recipe for cookies so we could make them for all the teachers at our school for the holidays. We used a kitchen on campus and he made the cookies himself with my help, bagged them and took them around to the teachers. He was proud of that. I sometimes wonder when happened to him. He told me that he wanted to be a chef. Beautiful story. So proud of your son. He found his niche! Tane and Tima have a new friend. Wonderful!
You asked recently for our favorite post. This is my favorite. The history, the honesty and vulnerability, the kindness. Thank you for sharing it.
As far as your sister is concerned you obviously feel the same as I do about mine. That some people are simply there to show us what we don’t want to be. You are beautiful and very talented and all of us as your readers are blessed.
You, Miss C, are among an elite group I think…the best of the best who know what it means to be human, and humane and reach out and open the world to another. I had my own ‘teacher’ at one time, and hope that somehow I have touched at least one other searching individual at some point since that time long ago. Bravo, and thank you.
Awe! What a lucky girl to be given this great opportunity. Thanks Mrs. C. for taking her under your wings!
We all deserve wings. And dreams. And the courage to spread both.
Eleven year olds as well as us mid-century types.
Oh, dear C, tears are edging my eyes as I read this. What a gift that teacher gave your son. What a gift you are giving this fabulous young cadet. That we should all emulate you. You are making such a difference in this young girl’s life. Thank you for sharing this story which reminds all of us what a difference we can make.
Beautiful.
I could hardly see to finish this post. So many hard years summed up in a few paragraphs but you did it beautifully. She will soar! Bless you for seeing her potential and to whoever thought to call you : )
I had a son like that, too…and he is now a proud papa himself and quite the career man. Amazing! With a bit of encouragement they do turn around. And you described my sister, too. I love her and we are very close, but man oh man she can throw out some zingers! I look forward to more lovely posts about the young girl. You are amazing!
What a great post!! I can relate being a single Mom of five also. So glad that this young woman is coming to your farm to talk and play with your animals!
As the mother of 3 kids–with the last one still at home (age 16)–I take such heart at your message. My youngest is the dreamer. He is artistic and changes “what I want to be when I grow up” every 6 months or so. Each one of his plans is more different than the last. His latest is that he wants to be a documentary film maker. Last summer he wanted to design a line of street wear/clothing. It’s SO hard to support and hold him up to spread his wings when it feels like his desires and dreams might send him crashing to earth. As a momma, I spend time thinking, “how will he make a living?” Your post reminds me that it is oh so important to listen and inspire. There’ll be enough people out there waiting to dash his dreams without his family adding to the pile.
You have an amazing young lady under your wing now, I can tell by how the pups (even Boo) are working with her! Boo following her to gate looks like he is saying, come back SOON please… We have lots of sticks to explore!
Teachers can be so amazing or so destroying. I had many who did not want to help me because I was a very SMART but SHY girl. My shyness translated to being dim, thus they passed me over. But in my 7th year, a Mrs Ford saw the light in me and she fought for me to be placed in advanced learning because I was making straight A’s but still being overlooked and under challenged. Because of her fighting for me, I moved up to 4th in my graduating class and another teacher who taught accounting – pushed me into an early college program my junior year -> which put me where I am today. Of my many many many instructors -> I can only count on one had the number who actually taught life lessons. And I am forever grateful to them.
On a more ‘happy note’ – – – your first photo of dawn – – – I am envisioning Lockness lake and that post is the monsters head popping up!!!! 😉
How lovely. How perfectly lovely.