When my fourth son was eleven he was a hellion. I was a solo Mum by then, working all the time – working. One day he was seen skateboarding down the hill from our house at speed, in the middle of the road, wearing my big black coat and carrying a petrol can – while I was at work – I had two jobs, single parent households often have one parent with two jobs. He was asked to stay home from school on more than one occassion and I began to beat a weary track into the headmasters carpet.
He was on the road to trouble. Growing fast, hair long, often angry, often incredibly beautifully caring, the clearest blueist eyes but shot with fury.
And he could not sit still. Barely slept. Wild. Stunning.
He was saved by one of his teachers. To my shame I cannot remember her name but she saw the potential that my son had at eleven years old and had him transferred to her classroom.
In New Zealand the school kids bring their own lunch to school, there are no cafeterias in New Zealand Public Schools, every day unless it is raining hard, the kids eat their lunch outside, (if it is raining they eat in the hall) no matter the season, winter and summer in Hawkes Bay where the kids and I grew up, we ate outside then played sports until the bell. One day in a snarly mood, after lunch, my son said to this teacher that there was not enough shelter in the playground for the children to eat under. They were too exposed.
So, she said, I imagine her raising her eyebrows, why don’t you design something for shade then. So he did. He designed a beautiful big canvas roofline with poles to hold it up, it was to float like a sail but with five corners, He carefully drew the pictures, added the dimensions and with the encouragement of his teacher, called around town and got quotes for the job. With all this in hand he wrote a proposal to the school to fund it. He was eleven years old remember. They said yes – it was a good idea – then this 11 year old proceeded to supervise the job. And he and his friends and many many other kids got to sit in the shade to have their lunch from then on. He also won most improved prize at the end of that school year and this was not a small school. His mother cried. He was proud. Pride is like rocket fuel to a kid – to know justifiable pride in his accomplishments. 
He was the youngest kid ever to be accepted into the NZ film school. He is now a fast tracking producer for a film company in New Zealand that I am not allowed to name here but if you watch movies with little short guys and big feet you will have seen his work. (and the work of other members of my family for that matter).
One person can change the course of a Whole life. If only they learn to say yes. Togerther, Yes. Yes we can.
One of my favourite sayings is simply that. “Actually. I can.”
But kids get a hard time when their heads come up too high. My sister is a bully, I love her because she is my sister and bright and witty and talented and sharp but after spending only three days with her in New Zealand over a week ago I am still struggling to blot out her barbed comments, trying to unhear some of the words she flicks out like little fires at your face. Always with a smile though. Always. She just knots me up, I could feel my shoulders hunching back into a teenage huddle as I spent time with her. My eye went to pieces. I ruined shots, second guessed myself, lost the light and retreated to the kitchen in an apron. My Mother used to laugh that my sister was Mary and I was Martha. I loved Martha – she fed people.
Anyway. I use her as an example of dream trampling. Be careful: just because you do not have the same dreams does not mean you can tromp on mine.
Let’s get back to paying it forward.
My son’s teacher was not the kind of person who sent a kid cowering back into the corner. She allowed him to fly. 
A friend came to me the other day (One of the Fellowship actually) and said there was a young lady living locally, eleven years old, who is simply amazing with animals. She watches and studies and catches ground squirrels and wild rabbits, follows snakes, tracks coyotes. She is having a bit of trouble at school, there has been bullying and she and her family are working very hard at keeping her dreams afloat, my friend thought that this girl might benefit from visiting the farm once or twice a week after school.
I spoke to this girl on the phone the other day and she was bubbling with excitement, cows she breathed, pigs she sighed – what else, what else is there? Can I pet them? I have some special little pigs I said – they Have to be petted and brushed often. I’ll do it, she said, I’ll do it!
So today she came to begin her training as a farm cadet. Look at her managing those dogs. She has said Yes to everything. She did not take one step back. This wee girl has fire. She is smart. She deserves wings. An may even be reading this today.
Coco Chanel once said “We are not born with wings so do nothing to impede their growth.”
Paying it forward. Thank you to the teacher who lifted my fourth son up into the air so he could unfurl his wings when I was so tired working two and sometimes three jobs that I could not. Here is my chance to do the same for our the new worker on my team.
I hope you have a lovely day.
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
89 responses to “Paying it Forward”
LOVE this post. Thank-you for sharing, and seeing the possibilities that spark with encouragement!
Oh My, this blog post needs to be on everyone’s walls. Dream trampling should never be done. Just because you may not understand someone else dream or someones else passion, doesn’t mean it’s nothing. Great story
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Methinks all our coffee and tea this morning is somewhat diluted with tears . . .very good tears for wonderful vibes past and present . . . I hope the lass who knows how to ‘talk with the animals’ realizes she is part of the story . . . and all of us do care what happens next . . .
Only those who have flown and felt the wind – even to the point of having to seek shelter to avoid shredding – can understand wings. (and in turn recognize the fledglings. Great teachers, those)
You soar, Ci. Understanding well, the crashing and burning – and the necessity of getting up…And above all, the responsibility of opening the window for others.
Farmers sow many seeds – and with luck get to see things blossom and grow tall.
Lovely. Yes. You,son, his teacher, and this new little one.
Beautiful story, I am in tears reading it,? And I bet your son remembers that teachers name. So beautiful that you are now offering a young person a chance to fly (your son and his teacher are smiling, I can feel it)
This was so beautiful it made me cry too xox
When you look back, do not be too hard on yourself, thinking that you missed doing the right thing for your son. You, like countless other mothers and fathers, single or not, did everything you could. However your love for your child, and his for you, prevented the connection that needed to be made, your closeness made you the wrong person for that job. It’s strange but true, sometimes someone else has to step in and be the one who opens up the opportunities, who helps the dream float, who provides the safety net that initiates the change. Recognizing that someone (the teacher) was providing that connection and allowing it to progress was exactly what you needed to do. Sadly, not all parents can recognize that and some children don’t get that connection.
Miss Farm Cadet is in good hands, I’m sure we all look forward to hearing about the connections she forges with you and the animals. Perhaps if she has a scientific bent she would enjoy making yoghurt or cheese or soap?
And as for your sister, perhaps taking a deep breath and blowing her a kiss every time she throws a dart at you will help you let things go? The son of a friend of mine has a bumper sticker that says “Your dog is the only relative you can choose”. He told me he chose it specifically for his dad. Ouch, but true.
Chris S in Canada
Wow – you are amazing!
I have been really short of energy lately, and so have not gotten to read all the blog posts in a timely manner. But this… this one I am so glad I didn’t miss. It brought tears to my eyes. I have bullies in my family, too, and I have moved to the other side of the world from them so that I could grow my wings. A few years ago when I had breast cancer, I took stock. I realised I have done everything I have wanted to do, and that includes be a good human being. No regrets. I’m so sorry you have a bully sister. Bleah, to bullies!! Hurray for you, helping a young girl grow her wings. xxxx
I found this very inspirational, and I admire your candour about your sister.
Beautiful. Thank you. And a hug to the young lady. Please tell her “anyone who is loved by animals can only be good. They are smart. Never mind what people do to hurt you. Just believe in the animals and birds and other critters.” Love your posts C. I do hope to be able to pay it forward some day … The pleasure your posts give me …
Miss C. The next time you communicate with your fiery son, please tell him that he and his comrades of the big, furry feet saved my life. When the first movie of the trilogy came out, it was the only thing that soothed me that winter. Horrible, long, endless depression that eventually did put me in the hospital in April. But going to that movie was a safe haven for me all winter. A few hours in the dark, with my “friends”, gave me a break from the twisted thinking and hopelessness. It was therapy. And it kept me going. Please thank him for me
Great pictures of snow today, especially the first two! It’s wonderful that you had a farm cadet position available 😉
Tears and smiles for all of what you have written here but mostly for your wisdom and kindness. You are an extraordinary person.
This could have been written from my heart. Thank you Miss C. I don’t get bothered by the judgement of strangers but when it comes from someone I know I always second guess myself and revert to the safety of proven waters. But then I find or am sent a kindred spirit like you and my dreams soar again.