Paying it Forward

When my fourth son was eleven he was a hellion. I was a solo Mum by then, working all the time – working. One day he was seen skateboarding down the hill from our house at speed, in the middle of the road, wearing my big black coat and carrying a petrol can –  while I was at work  – I had two jobs, single parent households often have one parent with two jobs.  He was asked to stay home from school on more than one occassion and I began to beat a weary track into the headmasters carpet.

He was on the road to trouble. Growing fast, hair long, often angry, often incredibly beautifully caring, the clearest blueist eyes but  shot with fury.

And he could not sit still.  Barely slept. Wild. Stunning.

He was saved by one of his teachers. To my shame I cannot remember her name but she saw the potential that my son had at eleven years old and had him transferred to her classroom.

In New Zealand the school kids bring their own lunch to school, there are no cafeterias in New Zealand Public Schools, every day unless it is raining hard, the kids eat their lunch outside, (if it is raining they eat in the hall) no matter the season, winter and summer in Hawkes Bay where the kids and I grew up, we ate outside then played sports until the bell.  One day in a snarly mood, after lunch,  my son said to this teacher that there was not enough shelter in the playground for the children to eat under. They were too exposed.

So, she said, I imagine her raising her eyebrows, why don’t you design something for shade then. So he did. He designed a beautiful big canvas roofline with poles to hold it up, it was to float like a sail but with five corners, He carefully drew the pictures, added the dimensions and with the encouragement of his teacher, called around town and got quotes for the job.  With all this in hand he wrote a proposal to the school to fund it. He was eleven years old remember. They said yes  – it was a good idea – then  this 11 year old proceeded to supervise the job.  And he and his friends and many many other kids got to sit in the shade to have their lunch from then on. He also won most improved prize at the end of that school year and this was not a small school.  His mother cried. He was proud. Pride is like rocket fuel to a kid – to know justifiable pride in his accomplishments. 

He was the youngest kid ever to be accepted into the NZ film school. He is now a fast tracking producer for a film company in New Zealand that I am not allowed to name here but if you watch movies with little short guys and big feet you will have seen his work. (and the work of other  members of my family for that matter).

One person can change the course of a Whole life. If only they learn to say yes. Togerther,  Yes.  Yes we can.

One of my favourite sayings is simply that.  “Actually. I can.”

But kids get a hard time when their heads come up too high. My sister is a bully, I love her because she is my sister and bright and witty and talented and sharp but after spending only three days with her in New Zealand over a week ago I am still struggling  to blot out her barbed comments, trying to unhear some of the words she flicks out like little fires at your face. Always with a smile though. Always. She just knots me up, I could feel my shoulders hunching back into a teenage huddle as I spent time with her. My eye went to pieces. I ruined shots, second guessed myself, lost the light and  retreated to the kitchen in an apron. My Mother used to laugh that my sister was Mary and I was Martha. I loved Martha – she fed people.

Anyway.  I use her as an  example of  dream trampling.  Be careful: just because you do not have the same dreams does not mean you can tromp on mine.

Let’s get back to paying it forward.

My son’s teacher was not the kind of person who sent a kid cowering back into the corner. She allowed him to fly. 

A friend came to me the other day (One of the Fellowship actually) and said there was a young lady living locally, eleven years old, who is simply amazing with animals. She watches and studies and catches ground squirrels and wild rabbits, follows snakes, tracks coyotes.  She is having a bit of trouble at school, there has been bullying and she and her family are working very hard at keeping her dreams afloat, my friend thought that this girl might benefit from visiting the farm once or twice a week after school.

I spoke to this girl on the phone the other day and she was bubbling with excitement,  cows she breathed, pigs she sighed – what else, what else is there? Can I pet them?  I have some special little pigs I said – they Have to be petted and brushed often.   I’ll do it, she said, I’ll do it!

So today she came to begin her training as a farm cadet. Look at her managing those dogs.  She has said Yes to everything.  She did not take one step back. This wee girl has fire. She is smart. She deserves wings. An may even be reading this today.

Coco Chanel once said “We are not born with wings so do nothing to impede their growth.”

Paying it forward. Thank you to the teacher who lifted my fourth son up into the air so he could unfurl his wings when I was so tired working two and sometimes three jobs that I could not.  Here is my chance to do  the same for our the new worker on my team.

I hope you have a lovely day.

celi