When I am hand feeding a young animal like Naomi I do a lot of stroking. I am firm. I mean; the hand that strokes is firm as I feed her. I pretend to be the licking hand of a great big cow. 
She always settles. Lifting her chin for the neck scratch. Moving her belly closer for the flank. The cow mothers lick their babies for weeks. So, even though I am only the mother cow half the time, I still need to meet this deep need in a mammal. Touch. I think there is a link between bodily movements, intestinal movements, physical well being, emotional well being and Stroking. Strong movements towards the heart. Touch. The animal has to trust you. Trust takes a long time. But allowing touch is a quintessential decision. It is Trust.
And yes, I have spent more than half my life as a solitary being. I have always been the wary one. Shrinking away from human touch. I will always put my hand out to shake hands instead of hugging. The hand shooting forward -” keep your distance” it says. Turning my head with a smile so a kiss is always on my cheek. Like a half trained colt it takes me a long time to accept touch. I seek the Touch that comes in many different forms. Touch does not need to be sexual or carry emotional weight. It can be the head of a dog. Or the movement of a hand through earth. The back against a tree. The kiss of air while riding fast on your bike. The graze of fingers across a till at the store. The stroke from the hand of an entirely different species like me stroking a calf. The grip of an elder to steady herself. The snuggle of a child. Touch is magic. Think like a cow. Find your herd.
Do you remember how Mama the big old sheep would lick me, especially my head, as I bent over one of her lambs. How the dogs will lick at the scratches and cuts on my hands. Cleaning. Cleaning. How Tima will nudge, nudge into my legs. How the birds clip the air about my face with their wings. How Sheila will lean. Find your herd.
I wish we all had such un-adulterated touch in our lives. Grown cows will lick and groom each other. Lean into each other. Lie within inches of each other. The Aunties will block the wind for the little ones. The babies will sleep within reach of each other. The big nursing mothers will lean their throats in for a massage. The little ones head butt and play at pushing each other.
People over-think touch. I know I do. Do you think that many farmers are like me? Preferring to hang out with animals where there are no mixed signals, no sub text. Just touch.
Hmm. Ah well.
I have such a long list for today. A delightful list. PLUS I have re-instated the Sunday lunches and was going to make asparagus risotto with lemon zest for my guests today but this cold weather has frozen the asparagus into a watery mess on the ground. So we are having Swedish meatballs with cream and home made egg noodles instead. With piles of home grown greens. Only six for lunch today though.. so no worries. My herd. We feed each other. Food is stroking.
Sunday dinners are like church. In fact a priest I knew once said to me: if you cannot get to Mass on Sunday have a big family dinner instead. It works the same, he said. So… Lunch it is then!
I hope you have a lovely day,
your friend on the farm,
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
45 responses to “Stroking”
Food for thought. I like the idea of finding our herd, by touch. In France you shake hands or kiss EVERYone, but hugs are reserved for relations and very close friends, and there is a hard to learn protocol about how many kisses to give, which varies geographically from 2 to 4. In hospital, I watched a dear little old man give his wife about 20 bisous when he left to go home alone.
Love AND hugs,
ViV
PS Of course, this bisou/shaking hands ritual can sometimes be a pain in the neck: this morning I had to have a blood test, and the Monday waiting room was packed even 15 minutes before the clinic was due to start. François the nurse arrived at 10 and shook hands or kissed every one of us before going iino the treatment room. It added at least 10 minutes to the wait, and it was an hour before I was seen. My back was shouting murder police at me by the time I went in, where the ritual re-bonjour + 3 bisous was repeated.
V
What a sensible priest, wise words. I’m like you hand out first, I’m very uncomfortable with air kissing strangers. Its only in the last few years that as a family we have started the kissing of cheeks when we meet! I thought maybe it was an English thing, as my grandparents both sides, would of really disapproved of any physical greeting, but maybe that’s was just them.
Naomi is beautiful, have a lovely lunch. I’m of to London now to have a Sunday lunch in a pub in Piccadilly x
Oh, I so agree about touch. For nearly 20 years I was a solitary creature, far from family, not in many comfortable long term relationships, living alone in a large and sometimes dangerous city. It wasn’t until I got married that I realised how much I had missed close contact. Now I have the Husband, I can get hugged whenever I want! Still catching up…. That is the most beautiful photo of Miss Naomi, who is going to be a goddess among heifers, and wonderfully calm and tame from all the loving care she’s receiving.
I am so like you regards ‘Touch’ – not sure if it is a personal thing with me or the ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ installed in us British! But have a heck of a time here in the US where everyone wants to hug you!! Or call you ‘Girl friend’ or say “Love you” at the drop of a hat! In my book all these take time and need a large amount of trust for me to react positively towards the other person. Unlike with animals, these get all my hugs, and strokes and kisses, even if the animal is not mine! I suppose because I trust animals to honest about what they expect from me!
Great post! Very wise words from the priest.
Indeed; I’m an expert hugger 🙂 Growing up it was an essential anchor to my life. I was/am an ADHD person long before it was a real diagnosis, so chaos reined both in my life and my brain. My mother was a single working woman and it could be extremely difficult coping, there were times she was truly angry with me, yet one of the daily rituals was a hug, particularly a goodnight hug. I never had to fear that it would be rebuffed.
I agree that recent decades has seen touch being over sexualized, to our detriment; perhaps it’s a reason why pets have become so important. (one of our cats is head butting me as I type this ).
Touch is a profoundly complex and yet efficient form of communication. Yet it is a learned skill; it took quite a while for me to “teach” my wife 🙂 It is a universal language that can connect us with our fellow creatures and ensure we don’t feel so isolated and alone.
Sunday lunch! We need to take back our Sunday lunch. It got lost somewhere. Thanks for reminding us. Sounds delicious!!
… also, on cows and licking. Our cows lick each other all the time. Mama-baby, steer-cow, heifer-heifer, bull-Brent. It doesn’t matter the relationship, they love to lick.
I am the director of my little church’s breakfast program. We provide a hot meal every Sunday morning for the homeless men and women of the Austin area. We’ve been plugging away for the last 23 years. I have gotten to know many of the people that come through the doors each week and so feel confident enough to hug them if they seem amenable. I once hugged a man that sort of got in line when he saw me hugging ‘regulars’. After I hugged him, he began to cry. Taken aback, I asked if I’d hurt him. He said, “No, you’re just the first person to have hugged me since……”. It had been 8 months since he had even been touched by another human being.
I now am even more willing to hug and certainly touch all 75+ of the folks that come through our doors to share a meal on Sunday.
Touch is a very, very powerful thing. So is sharing a meal. You have so eloquently brought us to both those things this morning. Thanks Celi!
Beautiful post, Celia. Touch, trust, finding your herd is food for thought. We had a dairy goat herd for ten years and learned a lot about ourselves from them.
I think touch is very natural but as humans we’ve become wary of it. Animals too, become nervous of touch or strangers if they’ve been mistreated, though some are shy like people can be. IMHO hugging is a very good thing, as is Sunday lunch. Your priest is right, getting people together is good for them and there don’t have to be any religious connotations. Pets (especially cats) can be quite therapeutic for the elderly, as they provide someone to stroke, talk to and care for.
…and on a dark humorous note, the first thing I thought of, reading about stroking the calf, was Kobe beef. I know it doesn’t sound great with regard to a young animal, but I’m sure those Kobe cows love the constant massage and stroking – I bet they are content 😉
If I had to vote for a favorite post today, this would be it. So beautiful. And true. There’s almost too much say, so I’m going to stay quiet and hope what I’m feeling travels.
This post seems to me a bit like going to church. Lovely message.
I love what the priest said, so very wise!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Ooooo lunch sounds marvelous. I love the poetic rhythm of your expressions on touch. As a nurse in the past I came to understand the importance of touch to calm and comfort, as a senior I spend time trying to understand what happens as we age that isolates and makes us invisible to the vital part of life and the world, and I think it is touch or the lack of it. Energy is shared and restored with touch. This is an epiphany that just occurred to me as a result of this post. Amazing. And Thank You Celi.
Read a wonderful little book called “The White Umbrella” by Brian Sewell http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-White-Umbrella-Brian-Sewell/dp/070437384X …it’ll touch you. We have but one creature in our care and go through a whole touching performance with Molly the cat each morning. As he was a stray I play as his litter mate…..I love it and so does he:)