When I am hand feeding a young animal like Naomi I do a lot of stroking. I am firm. I mean; the hand that strokes is firm as I feed her. I pretend to be the licking hand of a great big cow. 
She always settles. Lifting her chin for the neck scratch. Moving her belly closer for the flank. The cow mothers lick their babies for weeks. So, even though I am only the mother cow half the time, I still need to meet this deep need in a mammal. Touch. I think there is a link between bodily movements, intestinal movements, physical well being, emotional well being and Stroking. Strong movements towards the heart. Touch. The animal has to trust you. Trust takes a long time. But allowing touch is a quintessential decision. It is Trust.
And yes, I have spent more than half my life as a solitary being. I have always been the wary one. Shrinking away from human touch. I will always put my hand out to shake hands instead of hugging. The hand shooting forward -” keep your distance” it says. Turning my head with a smile so a kiss is always on my cheek. Like a half trained colt it takes me a long time to accept touch. I seek the Touch that comes in many different forms. Touch does not need to be sexual or carry emotional weight. It can be the head of a dog. Or the movement of a hand through earth. The back against a tree. The kiss of air while riding fast on your bike. The graze of fingers across a till at the store. The stroke from the hand of an entirely different species like me stroking a calf. The grip of an elder to steady herself. The snuggle of a child. Touch is magic. Think like a cow. Find your herd.
Do you remember how Mama the big old sheep would lick me, especially my head, as I bent over one of her lambs. How the dogs will lick at the scratches and cuts on my hands. Cleaning. Cleaning. How Tima will nudge, nudge into my legs. How the birds clip the air about my face with their wings. How Sheila will lean. Find your herd.
I wish we all had such un-adulterated touch in our lives. Grown cows will lick and groom each other. Lean into each other. Lie within inches of each other. The Aunties will block the wind for the little ones. The babies will sleep within reach of each other. The big nursing mothers will lean their throats in for a massage. The little ones head butt and play at pushing each other.
People over-think touch. I know I do. Do you think that many farmers are like me? Preferring to hang out with animals where there are no mixed signals, no sub text. Just touch.
Hmm. Ah well.
I have such a long list for today. A delightful list. PLUS I have re-instated the Sunday lunches and was going to make asparagus risotto with lemon zest for my guests today but this cold weather has frozen the asparagus into a watery mess on the ground. So we are having Swedish meatballs with cream and home made egg noodles instead. With piles of home grown greens. Only six for lunch today though.. so no worries. My herd. We feed each other. Food is stroking.
Sunday dinners are like church. In fact a priest I knew once said to me: if you cannot get to Mass on Sunday have a big family dinner instead. It works the same, he said. So… Lunch it is then!
I hope you have a lovely day,
your friend on the farm,
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
45 responses to “Stroking”
Having been out of town this weekend, I am catching up on your posts, and love this one. We stopped to see our son this weekend at college. I always insist on a real hug from him not the sideways arm around my shoulder. He goes along with my request with a big grin. Hope your week warms up!
I’m late but I’m so glad I didn’t miss this post. I’m quite touchy feely but I hope I can sense when people don’t want to be hugged. In Spain pretty miuch everyon kisses you when you meet even if you are never ever going to see them again and I’m not so keen on that and can put up a “British” front and extend my hand to try and avoid it if I want. But proper hugs, given with love…oh they mean so much! And then the love and licks and touches from our animals…Big Man is not so well right now and when he’s especially bad one of our dogs just goes and quietly sits with his head on Big Man’s feet as if to say “I’m here, I’m going to look after you”, it’s lovely.
Poor old Big Man, give him our love, Love the dogs giving him a love when he needs it most. c
I love these words and thoughts about stroking. I do it with our wild things too. Everyone needs to be touched and loved.
As funny as it sounds, I have a liscense to touch, as I am a massage therapist of close to 30 years. I found it interesting in school to find that most of us were touch deprived as youngsters. I am going to say that I am honored to have been able to touch and help so many people. I have Massaged babies that are now teenagers and still receive massage and are clear about touch and non sexual contact and the importance thereof. I have widows and widowers in my practice. I am so fortunate as many of clients have been with me for my entire practice and we have shared love and loss. I am much better at giving than receiving which is a common dilema a lot of us struggle with and is a subject for another thread !! Love the discussion today, very close to my heart…..Nanster
Everyone needs a pet. A little warmth. A connection. That sense of touch is important. It’s one thing they say the elderly need and few realize it.
The writing in this post is an example of why I was drawn to you at our meeting during WP conference. Your heart radiates such love that I could feel it in the audience but could not express it. I too am a hand shaker. I will trust an animal over a human most any day. Your herd is so lucky you are part of it. So many would not be so thoughtful with their care. I’m still looking for mine.
Each and every one of your daily posts is a little gem… but today you really seemed to have hit a nerve with all us. And each day you send us all a big Virtual Hug which warms our souls! I love getting what I call my Man Hugs from my male friends, and never more than the last six years since losing my husband. We all NEED touch, as you so very well understand. A kind touch – and a kind word – go so very far in making the world a warmer place both for us and our animal friends. Even my parakeets love to touch, groom and sit next to each other. ++ You really hit a nerve when you said we have to find our own herd. I’ve been going through a bit of a hard time since moving back to the area where I was originally from…. It seems that many of my herd here no longer understand me. Within the last few weeks I’ve decided to spread my wings, go out into the world (by way of moving away again) and find my new herd!! And I’m so excited !! ; o )
Good for you – I think that is exciting too!!. c