Because there has been so much more rain. I feel like I am swimming through the days. Yesterday it simply poured almost all day. Again.
The rain carried dread with it. We wish for rain, but too much of anything carries its own punishment.
I thought of mermaids as we sloshed through huge murky puddles feeding the drenched birds in the fields. They all have covers but the ground is waterlogged.
I loved the idea of being a mermaid as a child until we read that terrible story of The Little Mermaid. How her tongue was cut out and and she had to dance to entertain the man she loved, but every step was like knives. Knives are a strong symbol in this story. I saw the ballet as a child and the elegance of the girl, her beauty in pain, giving up the sea and her sisters for an ungrateful prince who only loved her for her face and never knew her thoughts or words or where she came from or who she was then casually sauntered off and married someone else anyway – well it was all pretty powerful stuff. Shocking really. But people are complicated creatures. It is a beautiful and terrible story – just like life.
I think when old Hans wrote that one he must have been in a fiercely bad mood. I always thought that He hated mothers and pretty much had no respect for women in love. After The Little Mermaid, as a child, I determined never to love anyone that much. I would never lose my tongue for someone. I would never dance on knives for someone. And I would never leave my family or lose the sea for someone. I guess he got his lesson across. Though i am sure that was not his intention.
But yesterday as I slogged through this destructive weather falling in the guise of good clean water, I realised that at one time or other in my life I had done all of these things. And I wonder if I have done these things for myself or for someone else. Selfish or selfless. Which is worse. As women we must hold to the line. Be strong, decent and kind. And the best person we can be. It is so hard to actually know what it is that we really need and who we really are. But mute beauty quickly loses its appeal.
Today Allison and Kim leave. Their visits feel like they have been so short. Yesterday due to this endless run of wet weather (that is turning colder now) we reworked Poppy’s present pen into a farrowing space. She cannot farrow outside in this, the fields are lakes and more rain is on the way. So we worked Fast. I have learned all those hard lessons from Charlotte and I think this one will be as good as I can make it without putting her in a farrowing cage. Hopefully the little piglets have plenty of spaces to hide from her hooves and a lovely safe sleeping space under a warm light in a warm space made of bales of hay through the wall.
The cows are mooing. The rain seems to have stopped for the moment and I can hear Kim and Allison racing through their chores before they leave for the big city. John is working Saturdays again, so now I am back to being alone all day for the first time since Fede came. I do not mind being alone, not at all. But it will be a radical change.
My next farm visitor is a physics teacher who comes on the 6th of July. So we have a gap to get Poppy through her farrowing with only me as company. I left this time free of people on purpose. Poppy needs absolute quiet. She is an excitable pig. I am not sure how she will be as a mother – we will see.
I hope you all have a good day. Remember no cutting out of your tongue and no dancing on knives. Not for anyone.
Off I go into the mire.
Love,
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
39 responses to “From A little Mermaid”
Such a powerful post today Celie. Thank you for this. Thinking good thoughts for Poppy and her farrowing.
Oh thank the gods for Disney! Mind you, one way or another Disney kills off the mom and makes the father a bumbling idiot and the princesses still must get by using their beauty and charm, so I don’t actually know which is worse.
I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve never heard of the original Mermaid and didn’t know the story of the Disney version. Did Disney change it? Have to find and read the original.
Strange that you should mention this. I’m reading David Brooks’ “The Road to Character.” There’s a chapter on George Eliot and how she was such a divided soul dancing on knives, as it were, highly intelligent but throwing herself at various men. Until she met her soulmate Lewes. I’m just at this point now and assume she becomes her own person.
Oh Poppy will be in my worry drawer from now on–I sure hope everything goes well for you both. And goodbye to Kim and Allison. Thank God for them!
We had that endless rain here for all of April and May. It put our crops three weeks behind. Then one day it stopped, temps were 64-70* then in the next two days we soared to 100* and above and haven’t seen the end of the heat yet. WHAT A YEAR!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
I suspect most women have lost their voices, given up something they swore they never would, and danced on knives for what they thought was love at some point in their lives. I know I have. With a bit of luck and more than a bit of wisdom, we are able to recover ourselves before it is too late. I’ve long thought that H.C. Anderson (and the Brothers Grimm) were deeply troubled misogynists with a mean streak a mile wide. The lessons they tried to teach were not ones I wanted to learn. Here’s hoping you dry up!
I love this. And I like it coming from you more than I liked it from Mr HCA. He always scared me a bit.
I know you have entered the heart and soul of every woman who reads your words today. You take us down paths we fear to walk alone. You open doors we thought were permanently closed. You turned on lights in dark closets and turned out the contents of hidden cupboards. You reminded us of all we were and all we are now. Celi I wish you could send us a little of your rain. We face the driest summer in 100 years.
I danced on knives and lost my voice for 5 years. After that, I swore it would never happen again, and I haven’t let it. I think it’s for everyone to be decent and kind, not just women… Celi, you’re a lighthouse of decency, kindness, thoughtfulness and candour, and you make us look at ourselves anew and wish we could be more like you. I wish you and Poppy a calm and peaceful farrowing, an end to the rain and beginning to the sun, your visitors a safe journey home and most of all, I wish Lady A will behave and your face will remain as nature intended!
I never read the Little Mermaid nor saw the movie….yikes what an awful message. I am attempting to send you some of our too dry weather……you can return to us the wet weather that we need. Mother Nature sure can be fickle can’t she? We will all be thinking of you, the Farmy and especially Poppy.
By the way I read your blog to my sweetie every morning- he so enjoys it.
I too never saw or read The Little Mermaid story, can’t say now that I’ve heard it explained I’m sorry about that… Fortunately I’ve never danced to anyone’s tune but my own… I’m a terrible dancer literally and figuratively, and it’s my own tongue and choices that have made my life sometimes more difficult than it could have been. I agree people are complicated, and it is hard to know what to do and who we are, there are so many influences, but be assured from your amazing words today and every day you are a positive, inspirational influence. Through good times and bad, especially bad, it’s important we share that, dip into it, take from it and share it back and out.
I hope the sun shines for you soon 🙂
Early on a Sunday morning you have made me think and analyse . . . thank you . . . have loved just reading what the visitors to the Lounge have said. Age methinks changes things: I do hope I am still honest and caring and thoughtful but I have quietly spoken my mind for the longest time now . . . . in earlier years I tried ‘to please’ so very hard: now I just quietly walk away if I feel matters not working. Funny, I used to have quite some sleeping problems . . . now I sink into deepest slumber with the gentlest of dreams . . . that somehow makes me feel I am on the ‘right’ path . . . . oh may your sun shine long enough for the puddles to sink into the ground – dry thoughts and wishes from Down Under 🙂 ! Enjoy your own company for a change!!!
It all looks so lush, but the rain and swamps must be very annoying. Good luck with Poppy 🙂
I read avidly as a child, and I still remember vividly the first time I read Hans Christian Anderson. All his stories were so dark, not just the little mermaid story, but all the women seemed to come to terrible endings, I was sure he must have had a very troubled life or a very complicated relationships with love. And I found out later that I was right on both counts. Still, these stories and others like them stayed with me for life. I have never been happy to sacrifice the person who is ‘me’ to please someone else. I am still single now coming up to thirty, I don’t mind being alone, it is better than dancing on knives or cutting out your tongue.
That’s a land of extremes…no wonder the pioneers were made of stern stuff ( as are you)….I’m very glad I never read that nightmare story of the Mermaid. I think Hans Christian Andersen was probably a pretty unpleasant person:)
I hated that story too – could never understand why she left the sea for him! Your article made me think about the fine line between being alone and being lonely – food for thought. Sending you some sunshine from the East Sussex coast 🙂