Bleeding Warmth

Yesterday our warm spell began to bleed away.  The  warmth bled out of the landscape.





There is a cold spell coming and it will last until I leave here.  We will be below freezing for a week.  Fair enough.  I am off to the Southern Hemisphere in a week where it is warm. I can deal with the cold for a week.  And it is rising again as I leave so hopefully John and Jake will not have too hard a time of it. When it freezes we carry water in buckets again. And a week of that will be good for me!

I am at that stage now (I always do this before I go away) where I am unduly careful. I live in horror of stabbing myself in the eye with a flying knife as I open a bag of feed, or falling off the top of the rickety barn ladder onto the cold barn floor below or being kicked across the quad by a cow.  Or an ice storm or poltergeist visit or a tornado.  Or a massive storm that prevents me getting to the airport. Or someone has a heart attack or a brain tumour or a car accident. Well, you get the picture.  I am now plagued with terror that I will not reach my children. That something will stop me from seeing them and touching them. And sit with them for a while. I am that close.

This fear does not relax until I am at the Gate for my last flight. And there are four flights before I reach my daughter. As I travel which takes a couple of days I will slide down into the bubble zone where I move calmly and gently with no sudden movements or risky cornering,  gliding through almost without speaking  – just watching, just reading, almost absent, no influence on my surroundings at all, no risk of breaking the bubble, no deviating from my course, total low energy mode  – like this I will travel the almost 10,000 miles (15,000 k) to Melbourne.

But when I reach that arrival lounge at my destination I snap awake like a Christmas cracker.  Bam. Ready to go.

But not for a week. We have seven days.

(I have to resist this Bubble Zone descending upon me until I get into the car that will take me to the Chicago Airport. Packing when in the bubble zone is never that successful).

I hope you have a lovely day.


63 Comments on “Bleeding Warmth

  1. Ha ha – I feel the same when I’m going away. Maybe one day travel might be as quick as a bike ride… 🙂

  2. I’ll take Bleeding Warm over Bleeding Cold any day! Lucky you escaping to the warmer side of the world for a much needed break. It shows how much we love our families when we suffer all those airplane rides just to be with them! At least I don’t have four flights like you, just a four hour car ride, one over night flight and an hour car ride the other end. That is enough for me, hate the flights now. In my working career i flew everywhere, every week. Probably why I hate it now LOL

  3. OMG! I thought I was the only one like that. Glad to know I am not alone. I leave for South Africa in 10 days to see my daughter and am feeling just like you. There is a bad flu and gastro here in Le Bugue so I am becoming almost a hermit not going out much to avoid the germs.

  4. Keep on keeping on, and you’ll get there. I hate that limbo time before travelling, that expectation of holdups and things going wrong. and forgetting something essential.

    Our gale has subsided slightly, but it’s raining just as hard. I haven’t been out of the house since first thing Sunday morning.

    What on earth is that green sausage thing hanging from the tree?
    ViV x

  5. Be calm, Celi, you won’t stab yourself into the eye nor will there be a poltergeist or anything else of a bad thing to keep you from leaving. I mean these thoughts are caused by and are an expression of your excitement and joy to go away and the fear of anything stopping you… They’re kind of loosing the ground where you stand on just because of that joyous feeling and fluttering heart. Whew! Not easy, I know – but you have all our good thoughts: Trust, trust and calm down. A little bit… ❤

    • I like to have worked through my problems before I encounter them, then if life throws a curved ball (and it does) I am ready with a plant to catch it.. I have always been like this, telling me to calm down will not work! Irmi. I am a planner! Laughter!! c

  6. “Slow and steady’ as the tortoise in The Tortoise and the Hare’ story!!! For the next week, and then you’ll be off!!! 🙂

  7. What terrible thoughts to have when you are so looking forward to your visit…but you will arrive safely….i go to visit my three daughters in April. And although i do not enjoy flying ,especially nowadays, it is my only way of getting there. .so like it or lump it i gotta go. You will be fine and we shall all be thinking of you and be with youin do not forget to pack it….

  8. To use your phrase “TOUCH SOME WOOD” after putting all that bad out in the universe! I am so sorry I missed the “Guess the weight post” the other day. I would have guess more than a grapefruit but less than an elephant. 😉

    Mom Update: She was moved to the rehab/nursing facility on Thursday night. Yes, THURSDAY NIGHT – the hospital released her and I finally got to my home at 1 am. Why in the world would you send a person who has been hospitalized for 2 weeks and 1 day – and can’t walk or get up on her own – out to a new facility at 9 pm at night just because the insurance approval came in?!?!?!? The staff were wonderful up to that point!

    Anyway – Mom’s first physical therapy was yesterday and she did marvelous. She walked about 90 feet in total with a walker. Played toss with a huge ball and then did 30 minutes of speech therapy. She was exhausted last night, but was feeling so good and proud of her accomplishment.

    Thank you all for your support – again and again…… Now – off to work for me!

    • That all sounds good news, you must be so relieved. Remember to take good care of yourself too. Laura

    • It’s wonderful news! I hate, hate, hate insurance even though I know it’s critically important to have. I know that because we’d be in rough shape without it right now, my John’s recent heart issue is up to a quarter million!!!

  9. Nothing wrong with being alert and more careful, but …. take all those negative thoughts out to the compost heap and leave them there. Imagine rather temperatures warming up on the Farmy, clear roads and well behaved traffic to the airport, weather conducive to air travel and beautiful strong aeroplanes winging you safely on the way to your children. Laura

    • I am the opposite I imagine all the bad things that can happen thinking in my superstitious way that if I am aware of the hazards and have made a plan to combat each one I am a step ahead of the game – I have always been like this – thinking ahead – it works for me – c

  10. I can totally identify with that feeling! Traveling is great —once you get there! Hope you remain stab free till you are at your destination. 🙂

  11. I too suffer that careful stage before a special journey and though I hate, hate, hate the long journey to Australia to see my sister it does at least punctuate the journey – a sort of decompression zone between my world and hers. My mother is terrible for as soon as she lands, she’s counting down that she only has x number of days left with my sister.
    Stay calm and careful. And as warm as you can be.

  12. Oh sweet friend. My mom goes through this same thing. Hogs and snout kisses. I can’t wait to hear about your ventures from down under – one of my favorite places 🙂 XOXO – Bacon

  13. I do not think I’ve ever been in a “bubble zone”. Living in chaos much of my life, I learned to find places around me (earth and soil) to keep grounded as best I could, and then happily escape to wherever it was I planned to go when it was time. But that may be the life of a woman (me) who has few attachments to anything – I can certainly understand yearning to see children who live such a great distance – for it is an opportunity that does not happen often and you wouldn’t want anything to spoil it. Try to find a way to “ground” yourself – literally. Walk with Sheila today, sip tea in the warmth of the sun, or lay in a pile of leaves (if you have any!) and just “be”. Just a few minutes of connecting with nature helps me shed worry.

  14. Safe travels, and in the meantime, may the days be happily productive and full of whimsically delightful surprises. That’ll make the time pass quickly.

  15. I have an open suitcase and throw things in and then a couple of days before takeoff, take half the stuff away. I had that fear of falling on the rough streets before the wedding. All normal. A long trip but such a nice reward at the end of your travels. Best of luck!

  16. The last major trip I took, I was so filled with dread and anxiety, I made myself calm down by taking a walk down the alley (which is where I always walk–usually with a dog I’m sitting for). What happened? I dropped my keys to the house, car. Never heard them fall. When I got home, I was frantic.
    In the end, a neighbor found them and called the police. The police saw a membership tag on the key ring to Binny’s (a liquor store) and got my address from them. The police came to the house bringing the keys. We all had a good laugh about Binny’s, my “connection”.

  17. I love the description of your bubble zone. You slip through the miles quietly and unobtrusively, like a trout through a stream, present but not part of the stream. Your Farmy Friends will send wishes to cushion you from the lumps and bumps of travel. All will be peaceful. You will fly like an arrow to your children. Soon, soon!

  18. Now, adding some practicalities to Kate’s usual fantastic writing! You won’t travel into ‘heat’ it seems – have just looked up Melbourne Met and the next 14 days at least ‘steady as she goes’ pleasant; about 10 – 12 C in the mornings and low 20s thru’ the day – cloudy at times but no rain forecast for that period. Don’t know whether you have been to Melbourne before: we pride it being our most cosmopolitan city re food and style . . . supposedly it is the most ‘liveable’ city on the planet 🙂 ! A lot of intellectual happenings there in your time [how long?]. Am SO excited for you . . . . luv and hugs . . .

      • To my mind ’tis ‘world sophisticated’ . . . . well, the ‘farmy’ is a most sophisticated example therof 🙂 ! Somehow, given time and place, methinks you will know why darling Sophie would not live elsewhere!!!!

  19. My bubble awaits. Just today my nephew got his vacation approved and made his flight reservations. All systems are go. And as I typed that last sentence, I glanced to make sure my passport is where it should be. How many times have you checked yours? 🙂
    We knew the “warm” weather could only last for so long. Better the cold come now, well into February, than at Thanksgiving and stay with us. Besides, it will make your departure for warmer climes that much more sweet.

    • Oh, we DO remember you being a ‘wedding whisperer’ re a passport or two !!!!

      • I can’t help but smile when I think of that send-off and I bet that neither of us will ever lose track of a
        passport again. 🙂

  20. Incoming grey skies do seem to suck any warmth.
    Had to laugh about your caution. I’m that way, too. Once I broke a toe the day before rushing around packing (Dad said to always to wear shoes to avoid that when you get to a certain age HA HA) Hobble off anyway. Another time I dropped a glass bottle and badly cut my ankle the day before…hobbled off with lots of bandages. I worry until i’m seated at the gate – then it’s wonderful…even if there’s plane changes. Pack with care – and wear tough shoes until you leave! Count down starting.

  21. I so understand this cautious, Touch Wood, kind of dread. I’m getting ready for a cross-country car trip on my own at the end of March, and I’m becoming hypervigilant and paranoid. Keep breathing, sister.

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