The Rescue Piglets are still not thriving. In fact it has become more and more evident that at least two of them are carrying hidden injuries as a result of the attack by their mother. Both have back problems to go with the bites. So I don’t believe that these two will get through. The rest are still on the 50/50 list. Still needing to be woken up to feed and still only drinking a little and still wobbly on their feet.
I wear special shoes for their pen, and gloves when handling them, I suspect that they have some kind of invisible scours as they are always a bit damp in behind so the Vet gave me some medicine for that.
But we are on Day Five now and that is a point in their favour.
I said to John if these little piglets do not survive I quit. Farming is too hard – there is too much death and fighting to survive. And if I do not grow my own meat I can be a vegetarian which sounds perfectly lovely at the moment.
But most of that is the tired talking.
I have the Staggers too.
We had rain yesterday afternoon and the cows are knee deep in mud. You can imagine the clean up for milking.
Interestingly I am always more awake in the morning though – even when my alarm gently prods me awake every two hours right through the night and I am already walking down the garden path before my eyes are even fully open. At four in the morning I know I will not manage a day farming and by seven I am all business as usual. 
I hope you have a good day. Sorry to be so late but business as usual is a lot of busy-ness at the moment. Good busy though – nothing I can’t handle. In fact I could do it all with ease if I had someone who ran the kitchen, processed the food and managed the house for me. Then being a farmer would be pretty easy really!
Much love
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
59 responses to “Two Steps Back”
With all the hard work and loss you endure, I’m always surprised you keep going. But you do. The weather has not been kind to you this year. Once you finally get some real rest, things will look a bit different. Wish you the strength to endure.
Hang in there C. I am always quietly reading in my little corner of the world. I don’t know how you do it, I would have had a giant exhaustion crying squall by now! xo
I feel your pain, dear friend. I felt a burden raising Daisy deer… and raising some wee squirrels that didn’t make it, and some birds that didn’t make it. I said many times I would quit rehab… but then a year or two later an orphan presents itself and I cannot say “no”. Either I take it on or I drive to Wildcare. There is just something in me that cannot give up. Yes, farming is a lot of hardship and loss. But there are many beautiful moments too. Whatever decision you make will be right for you for the time.
There is no you in “quit” … sure perhaps a letter, but not YOU. That would be qyouit. Which, I am told you should avoid as it causes IBS. Don’t forget your Lippie!
Lippie it is – though there is no-one here to see – it does make one feel better. c
I have SOOOO been there (the vegetarian statement). Loss of my livestock is very difficult for me — always 2nd guessing what I could have done differently…recently lost a huge Hereford heifer calf – had to pull her and I just couldn’t get her to keep breathing –hard on her first-time momma who loved her AND me. When things settle down and some time passes (without any major crisis) it all seems worth it and I LOVE my job …. as we both know it’s not 9 to 5 employment but 24-7. I think you’re doing amazingly well!
Oh how miserable to lose a calf – after all that time – I do understand.. thank you.. c
Celi, even the strongest person needs some rest. You are tired . I remember my dad coming in totally exhausted at night. Hang in there!
Oh C. I feel so bad for you…hang in there and once you get some proper rest and help, you will be back to yourself and carry on like you always do. Yes, farming can break your heart but it is just that, that makes it so worthwhile…If you didn’t love it, it wouldn’t hurt you…does that make sense?
Sending strength your way…
Are those tea towels on the wooden decking?
Oh my darling Celi! My heart is throbbing so strongly that it feels like it must surely reach yours. These disheartening comments of yours are indicative of the depth of your exhaustion and the pain in your heart. While I know full well how you feel about hugs and I know that you are not a hugger, I am, so consider the source when I say that I have my arms around you. Much love, Your Gayle
And Misky, your question not only echoed mine, but got a huge burst of laughter from me, the practicality of which, following so closely after all those comments of tenderness, hit my funnybone squarely in its middle. Much love, Your Gayle, still snickering.
They are my barn towels, from washing the cows udders, drying on the hay rack – I lay them there after being washed, rinsed and sopping wet to dry nice and raspy for the cleaning of the filthy beasts.
I hope you had a good night sleep, c.
My mother used to lay tea towels and tablecloths on the grass to dry in the sun. Bleached them white. 😀
Rescue Remedy….for all 🙂
Sending positive thoughts. The little piglets are in the best hands they can be but I know it’s not easy for you.
Farming is definitely not for the faint hearted. I hope your piglets survive.
Sending my very best energies to you all.💕
don’t give up, hugs to all of you
I honestly don’t know how you do it! But I can hear your fatigue and I’m pulling for you…and for those piglets!!
So sorry about the piglets. The up side is that you DO have someone coming to help soon–and you can put them on various chores to lighten your load.