“Throttled. Yes Ma’am.” 
“So.. TonTon I cannot play with your ball from in here! Think about what you are doing! Mia stop that, stop jumping! Wait.” I said to the little man. “Mia, Get OUT of the chook house. I have got to fix this door. Stop that, this is a phone not a toy. Listen” I said to the little man, as Moaning Mia and I finally get through the chook house door with the eggs intact and the phone back to my ear. “I have called to ask you why my internet is so murderously slow. And you tell me I am garroted. Mia get down! Go find your kitty.” 
“Throttled back Ma’am. Is Mia your Dog?”
“No” I told him “she is a very BAD SHEEP!” Mia is finally quiet. Sullenly chewing on my jacket pocket. “Now, please explain to me in tiny words why the little man on the internet bicycle is pedalling so bloody slowly. ” I sit down on a big rock in the field, in the afternoon winter sun.
“Oh.” The little man on the other end of the phone rallies. “Well ma’am you have used up all your gigabytes. So you get slowed right down. Throttled.”
“Giga- whats- its? Mama what do you want. It is not dinnertime.”
“Bytes ma’am”
“More like nibbles then aren’t they. (silence) Well what do I tell my people? I can’t tell them anything can I. I can’t read their pages, or download their pictures. AAH! (girlie scream.) Hairy don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“I’m sorry? Are you OK?”
“My ram, Hairy Maclairy. Just tiptoed up beside me and stuck his nose in my face. No manners. Hairy back up, you are making me nervous. 
But My readers, my people, they are waiting to hear about my bees! And I can’t even load an image. Or answer my comments. Or comment on their pages. I write a blog about my little farmy. ”
“You have bees?”
“Mmm. we have bees too don’t we, Daisy? We are off to check them in a minute.” 
“What is the name of your blog?”
“The Kitchens Garden.”
“Cool. Well, the good news is that your next round starts on the 8th. That’s in two days. So I will go and check out your blog on Sunday then?”
” Well that is good news. Thank you. Ok I have to move, I am being mobbed. See you Sunday then.”
I am pleased. All is not lost. The little man on the internet bicycle sighs with relief and forgets to try and sell me a better package. He thanks me very much for my time, wishes me luck with the animals and goes back to putting the brakes on me for two more days.
And so to the bees.
Two of the hives including the Blog hive seem to be doing OK.In the warm weather they have been tolling their bells and bringing out their dead. A certain amount of attrition is normal. Bees do not have very long lives. You can see in the centre of this shot a healthy housekeeper bee dragging out one of the dead ones and dumping it over the side.
Except for this hive who had so many dead that both their entrances were blocked with bee bodies. I cleared them with a stick. Not good. This was always the weak hive. It is still heavy with honey so I can only assume that they broke ranks on those warm days and were not fast enough at cuddling back together when that flash of very cold weather hit us. For bees there is safety in numbers as they wait out the winter. Big numbers are best. 
I have put protein patties into the tops of all the hives. But this is an instance when I do wish that the weather would stay cold (but not too cold) and constant.
When farming we have to take the good with the bad. Sometimes everything you do is not enough. Mother nature is a big part of the equation. So I will order a new Queen and possibly another brood of bees as well and in the spring we will strengthen this hive with some newcomers.
Dawn is here. I am so relieved that that little internet peddler is pedaling at a reasonable speed again. 
Good morning!
c
The Kitchen's Garden 
91 responses to ““You’ve strangled me?” I said to the nice man, moving Moaning Mia out of the way with my hip.”
I am certain you need to write a Children’s book series. That is not to say that us adults aren’t appreciating your very excellent and humorous writing because we truly are. And we are very lucky. I just think children would be so delighted wtih your characters you have created on your farm. Love it. You need to buy a speedier plan with more gigabytes my friend. There’s just no way around it. You deserve it. 🙂
Eventually I will have to capitulate and get a bigger plan, just imagine if i had speed. When i travel i am always shocked at how quickly it all works!
We are blessed to have a child who seems to have been born with internet and computer knowledge! He’s saved us on several occasions and even when we need to call our internet provider, we have him come over and talk to the guy. Ha!
As always, I loved your pictures!
I would love to borrow that child of yours.. I have one but he is on the other side of the world!! c
Hi Celia, I popped along to say thank you for your message over at mine but am immediately, and irrevocably hooked. Where have you and your bees and Hairy McLairy been all my life?
You lead a wonderful life! Hope the internet speed is all you would have it be now…
Apologies, Cecelia!!!
Oh, gracious, never have I wanted to correct a comment so urgently. Curses, WordPress. Third time lucky: Cecilia…
What a delightful series of messages! Don’t worry how you spell my name Kate, though just to confuse you further how about you call me Celi!!
Lovely to see you Kate, I did enjoy visiting your pages and you are very welcome.. c
I hear TonTon. Also, I love how no matter what mischief you sheep is up to, she looks so placid and innocent.
True Greg, and Mama always manages to look ever so slightly disdainful! c
What a great post. I am new to your blog but I will look forward to reading more from you. Hope the Internet keeps moving for you!
Hi Natalie and welcome great to have you along! c
So sorry that you got throttled, but now so happy that you’re back! Another really fun and funny read here, and thanks for that. 🙂
Thanks Chris, you are always welcome.. c
Peddle little man, peddle!
Love that last cat picture with the light. Beautiful.
he is beautiful isn’t he, and the dust in the air.. that was a lucky shot.. c
Ah bonjour! good to see everyone back up and running (or should I say cycling). It’s something I’ve wanted to learn more about – bees not cycling, a friend has hives and I have had the pleasure of eating the honey for a few years. I really should go and visit them one day.
Can you have bees in the allotment? that would be cool.. c
Technically yes and technicaly no, bye-laws and committees…….
oh.. damn nebulous rules.. c
Aaah, you should have two teenage sons who keep downloading games. 20Gb gone, overnight, for several nights in a row, and suddenly we’re back to closing our eyes and counting to ten as each page loads. Sigh.
I’m glad you’re back though, as it’s very interesting to read about your bees. Sorry you’ve lost some due to the cold, hope the hive recovers…
Hmm that is very interesting. Johns two teenage sons just left a few days ago after a long stay! I wonder! That might have been the problem Celia.. c
Bees are one of the most important of God’s creations. I don’t think some people realize how much we need them.
I agree Karen, bees are so primitive and so wonderful, I love having them around.!
You must feel you’re back raising young children when you get down low to work and get mobbed by all the beasties, each importuning with his or her own list of demands or just wanting to crawl all over you! Having a slow-mo cyclist running the ol’ computer doesn’t do much to relieve the pressure, either. 😉 I’m glad you’re all surviving (Mama seems to be pretty perky again, I’m happy to see) and business-as-usual humming along on the farmy. Hugs to you! May you have a moment or two to slow down in the midst of it all!!
xoxo,
Kathryn
he is in slo mo.. poo.. and it was funny sitting down on the rock and very slowly it became apparent that i was surrounded in animals, just looking! c
Bees and chickens are on our list to have. Hoping to build them places to live soon.
Harold get down the back and build that chicken coop right NOW! You will love those eggs! c
Well, I’m now home and back from dinosaur dialup to broadband once more, so I can see all of your gorgeous photos! You sound like a mother with a brood of naughty children – though animals’ naughtiness can certainly get more serious.
that is exactly what they are like, naughty children! well done Juliet .. c
A perfect post Cecilia..I am sorry about your weak hive..this is all new information for me so their little deaths do not go unrecognized. Am so glad you could load your photos and especially love the one of Hairy’s smile!
he is the strangest ram, and i must take a photo of his mouth for you one day he has perfect bow shaped lips, I am desperate to lipstick him! have a great day tomorrow chris.. c
I’m in love with Hairy 🙂
He is quite the stud is out Hairy! Loves the girls! c