I had a discussion in the barn last night about the cockfights in the farmyard.
…
Miss C: Peghorn. Have you been fighting with other roosters? Have you looked at your face lately?
Peghorn: There is nothing wrong with my face. I have a pretty face.
Miss C: You have bite marks.
Peghorn: No Miss C, they are pimples. I am growing up.
Miss C: They are bite marks. You have been fighting with the other roosters!
Peghorn: I never did!
Son of Neanderthol Man : (from the rafters above) He starts it!
Miss C : Is that you Son of Neanderthol Man?
Son of Neanderthol Man: He started it. I was just minding my own business, Looking after my hens.
Miss C: Who is that up there with you?
Son of Neanderthol Man: Up there in the top of the barn?. That’s my son. 
Miss C. Great. Another one! Where have you been hiding him? What is his name then? I am not calling him the Son of the Son of Neanderthol man. That is too long to call.
Son of Neanderthol Man: His name is Bob.
Peghorn (in a scoffy voice) Bob!
Peghorn: Anyway I did not pick a fight with you or your stupid son. I was just looking at the garden. Minding my own bleedin business and you jumped me!
Hairy: Huh. In a pigs eye. (rumbled with a mouth full)
Miss C: Wait. Who is that? Is that you Hairy McLairy?
Hairy: Yup (munch munch).
Miss C: What are you doing in there, that is Mama’s feed. What on earth are you doing in the Mothers Pen? You should be in the Black Hole of Calcutta! That is your pen.
Hairy: I broke down the gate.
Miss C: You broke down John’s gate.
Two Random Hens: He lies, he lies – He broke down two gates!! We told him there would be trouble!
Hairy: Who said that?
Two Random Hens: We saw you – You broke down two gates.
Hairy: Say that again and I will get Miss C to take you to the Bantam Swap Meet!
Two random Hens: We are not bantams! What a horrible thing to say! You are so rude! 
Senior Wife: You two go to bed and stop causing trouble!
Miss C: For goodness sake. Stop that cackling up there. Hairy, you broke down two gates?
Hairy: Is there an echo in here?
Miss C: (becoming ever so slightly exasperated) I will be coming back to you in the morning. Just you wait there, Hairy MacLairy.
Hairy: Whatever.
Miss C: I heard that. (turns back to recalcitrant rooster).Now, Peghorn, you have to stop the fighting. Are you listening to me? Look at me when I am talking to you Peghorn.
Peghorn: Hey Little Chick. Did you hear something?
Miss C: Peghorn I need to discuss the cock fighting with you.
Peghorn: Funny I thought I heard something.
Little Chick: (in a chicken panic) It wasn’t me! I never broke it! I didn’t even know you had one! I never did nothing! I was just stood here like a good little chick!
Miss C: You never did anything. You never did nothing is a double negative.
Little Chick: Yeah, yeah I never did that neither. Peghorn get back here.
Miss C: Alright! Everyone go to bed right this minute, one peep out of any of you and off to the Pigeon and Bantam swap meet with you. We shall discuss this in the morning!
Miss C: Off to bed for you too, Mia.
Mia: (moaning) but I can’t go in there. There is a big fat ram in there, I am going to sleep out here tonight! I will watch for fights! I can be your spy.
Miss C: Whatever..
Hairy MaClairy: I heard that!
…..
Good Morning! It is a calm sunny day so far. The sun has risen bright and clear outside my study window. I am off to feed out. I will be taking the broom though as I find it very effective for breaking up fights. Something will have to be done you know! You all have a great day.
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
88 responses to “Something has to be done about the fighting”
How much fun on the farmy!! Peghorn is one gorgeous beauty! She just stands out like a expensive painting and has an attitude to match!! Love your stories always!!
Yes Peghorn is a lovely rooster, but he is losing his feathers from fighting!! naughty boy! c
And so we learn the term ‘pecking order’. 😉 A great story and pictures, c.
Indeed Ted! Good morning to you! c
Hi C!
What a funny dialogue! An extract from A Midsummer Night’s Dream? 😉
Giovanna, what an incredible idea, I am sure we Could do an extract.. i shall work on that! c
Your farm is so fun, I would happily come work for room and board! 😉
Plenty of board!!! One day i would love to build a proper little guest house! c
You could tell them all about going off to market… that might make them quiet 😉
But who would have them!!! c
Don’t tell them that – say you have a buyer with a restaurant 😉
What brilliant dialog! Thank you for out-loud-chuckles this morning, Cecilia. Reading this, I heard their voices and can see the making of children’s books! (maybe even e-books with photos and voices dubbed in!) anyway, I loved it!
Thank you Spree! c
Hee, hee, hee! i just love listening in on animal conversations.
So clever and what fun. Hope the fighting stops because Peghorn is such a lovely fellow, hate to see him or anyone else mussed.
I know, such plumage! c
Order order! It sound like keeping the peace on the farm is a full time job. The dialogue is very entertaining.
I could do with a peace maker out there! c
Is it a case of four legs good two feet bad, or vice versa? HA!
Good point!! c
I can see those scriptwriting skills are being put to good use, Celi 😀 Wonderful post. Made me giggle.
Morning Kate, life is grand isn’t it!! c
Well you know Daisy is my fav and since she was not included in the squabbles I take it she is being very good? Those of your chick persuasion are just plain cheeky!
Morning Chris, are you back from your wanderings?.. c
Hehehe…is life really that different these days to how it was when you were teaching? Still dealing with defiant teenagers. You’ll win them over this time too, Celi, I’m sure of it! 🙂
now I have to deal with a 300 pound ram, who has broken two gates on the same day just so he can get back with the ewe who is supposed to be pregnant anyway! mercy.. c
Rolling..on..the..floor..laughing…out..loud!!!!! This is too too delicious and adorable to boot! I could actually see the whole thing unfold in my head. 😀 Wonderful! Love the photos and the post!
Love that you are loving it honey!! c
It seems to me that your lot have too much idle time on their feet. They need chores so they keep out of trouble. Washing up dishes, ironing, polishing windows, that sort of thing. ;D
You might be onto something there misky! c
The chickens are ruling the roost I see – ha!
Mmm, you could be right there! oops! c