Whisper whisper whisper.. 
Hmm mmm
Thats what she said I said you said! Gossip in the Rat house Paddock.
Daisy was observed lying down in the long grass yesterday and eating at the same time. 
She needs more sleep.
Good morning everyone. I hope you have something exciting planned for the day. We don’t. But as you probably know by now I am not a Going Out for excitement kind of person.
I finally found a man who is raising Hereford pigs. So although Sheila the Babe has not been born yet we have come to an arrangement.
I asked him if he had any Hereford piglets for sale. He cleared his throat. I told him I wanted to find a bright intelligent piglet because I wanted to train her as a Therapy Pig.
He went quite silent on the other end of the phone. For what? he said. I want to train her, I told him. To walk on a harness, and visit retirement homes with me. In fact I want to train my dog to hold her leash and lead her about.
I sell Hereford (pronounced HerFord) Hogs (pronounced Haahgs), ma’am. What was it you wanted.
So I began at the beginning and made it clear that I did indeed want to buy a Herford Haahg. And I apologised for my confusing accent but I was from NZ.
You want to take a hog to NZ? he said.
Oh no. I live about thirty miles for you, I said. Isn’t that brilliant? I have been looking all over for this piglet and there you were nice and close all this time.
Ah he said, less than convinced that this was indeed brilliant. Well, yes, I have a litter due this weekend.
Oh good, I said, I like the Herford, they are nice and quiet but not too big and will make good therapy pigs. I will take her visiting with me.
Getting the hang of it, the very sweet Pig Man (who would, I am sure, rather be called a Hog Farmer than a Swine Herd) said, You do realise they grow to be large animals don’t you?
Absolutely, I said blithely, having had nothing to do with pigs AT ALL in my life. About 400 – 500 pounds I said. I think she will still fit in my car though. Well, it is only a little car but there is less of a step up. I thought I might train her to sit in the front seat, I said. I can put a seat a belt on her and she can oink at other cars as we drive around.
People here never get it when I am telling jokes because they are generally struggling to get past my accent. Or maybe American humour is just different, I don’t know. But I can pretty much say anything and they will agree with this rather dazed sound in their voices.
Yup, he said weakly. Then more silence. But this is not a pot bellied pig you know.
And, I thought, I am just over 110 pounds I am not about to wrestle a 400 pound pig into my front seat am I!
OK maybe the boot, I said, I could build her a bridge, a ramp and she could walk the plank into the boot. They only have short legs aye.
You are going to put boots, he said, rallying. On a hog? (pronounced Haahg remember)
I mean the trunk she could ride in the trunk. I will make a gang plank. She can sit in the back, in the trunk.
Yup, a truck would be better he said. But they are not small. They grow fast.
Letting that one go, I said Oh yes, I am going to feed her up on milk from my cow and hazelnuts from the orchard and good grass. She will be a big healthy girl. And I will train her to sit and stay. And lay about on the verandah like a dog but I need a bright intelligent pig. Can they walk up steps? Is the Mum a bright girl? How much do you charge?
Well, he said, (because you are completely bonkers, I heard him think) I will only charge you a hundred, maybe a hundred and a quarter. Call me back in early May Ma’am and you can come on over. Cecilia I said. Cecilia he parrotted back to me in perfect Kiwi completely mystified!
So there you are. All set!
Good morning
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
93 responses to “Secrets and a chat with a Swine Herd”
Yes, look at TonTon doing a masterful job. Most dogs nip the ankles to herd. Not TonTon. He whispers, “Excuse me, Mama, would you mind moving just a bit over to the left?”
“Boots?” I like his reaction. Humans dressing animals? Such indignation and insult to the animal world. When those emails come around I want to ask the sender what animal they are made to dress like!
Oh you made me laugh, Celi! I can just imagine the poor man trying to relay the conversation to his wife later on that evening! 😀 Hmmm. How are you going to wrestle (wrassle?) a 400lb therapy pig? And I did love that top photo, it was like a scene straight out of Babe.. 🙂
Oh, I can’t wait to see your piglet! This process should be very interesting.
Your exchange with the pig farmer is so funny! I can’t help but think taking a piglet weekly to the retirement home would be so much fun for the residents! They would be able to watch the pig grown and change over time, and maybe the weekly exposure to being a pet would slowly train and domesticate the pig. As you can probably tell by what I “imagine” to be true–I have no idea what one does with a pig! But I sure do like them (at the County Fair, ha!), so I’m thinking you’re just the gal to teach us all about how to raise a guide pig! Looking forward to it! Debra
Celi, I haven’t laughed so much in a long time!
You never know, at some future stage your pig breeder may be a resident receiving Ton Ton and pig therapy.
Totally hysterical…I would have loved to be in the same room with the poor man and just watched his face. I’m sure he must have thought it was some kind of a joke.
Great conversation, I would have loved to have seen his face! Is a hundred and a quarter involve just one hundred dollars and a coin or slightly more?! Fascinating term! 🙂
Alright now, Celi. I can’t tell if you are having us all on. so I shall just have to wait for pig stories on the blog to see what you actually do.
I will train her alright, and I really hope she is one of the bright ones who we can train! c
I’d love to have a pig, though not the therapy pig type 😉
Ah, well it was not long ago that many families in the big cities had a pig in the woodshed, with a little sty attached.. morning mad!
Wonderful, he, he hee! Wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. You need to record yourself sometime, Celi and add it to the post! I see Mama and TonTon are still BFF’s.
I hate to admit this, but you had me going for a couple of paragraphs… That’s what I get for getting behind in my reading and trying to skim to catch up. 😉
~ Lynda
yeah, I was trying to joke with the fella, but I will train Sheila the Babe to the leash and maybe to lie down or sit and to walk with us. And if she does do well then I will get out the stock trailer and take her visiting.. Should be fun! c
I have heard that they are more intelligent than dogs… If you really do this, then there has to be a video! 😉
Some of them are certainly more intelligent than some dogs, i have heard that too Linda, so it will be interesting to see if we can train a pig.. Now who would hold the video camera! c
I will, I will!
Ohhhhh, am I getting pictures in my head over this one! As you can imagine. Fun ahead!!!
Oh, my gosh! Hilarious. I can’t wait to read about your therapy pig!!!!!
It’s a very funny post, the curiosity is that my sister’s name is Sheila, just laugh about it……
Oh poor sheila.. do apologise to her in advance.. c
Having re-read this post and the line about fitting a large ‘hog’ into your small car finally penetrating my brain fog, I think I’ll mention that my grandmother used to fit the shetland pony (called Chippy) in the front of her Morris. Although they had to remove the front seat. I think the pig should be fine! 😉
That is hilarious, a horse in a morris minor!! Brilliant! c