I hate clutter. I have spent this week, once again, de-cluttering my wardrobe and my pantry and the desk and shelves and cupboards and both barns. As I have said to you a number of times I came to America with two suitcases of books, and journals and cameras and paintings wrapped in my clothes. So anytime my possessions raise themselves above that benchmark I feel a small worry of panic begin to edge itself into my gut.
Of course I don’t touch Johns things – they are not my department. But my clutter has to stay within strict parameters.
Have I written about this before.? I think about it so often as I work that I feel I must have written it or at least said it aloud. In the older of the old days people had very little. A couple of precious pots to cook in, a few changes of work clothes and a good set of clothes with a white shirt for funerals and weddings, probably your own funeral and wedding, hopefully not in that order. A few precious books, maybe a rolled up painting, some writing materials, a picture of your love and a good horse and all his associated harness and tack.
Then there was a period of rampant gathering. Our parents and their parents with the memory of such previous frugality and the surge of mass produced cheaper goods, hauled everything they could into their houses and shone it up and set it on the mantel or into large glass fronted cupboards. Then there was cheap plastic and crockery and massively mass produced books. After a thousand years of only a few treasures to a family now we have treasure amassed around us that some rooms in some homes are packed to the ceilings with such long forgotton possessions.
People hoard material things against fear. Stacked up against loneliness.
Like pigs who find a good feed and so begin gorging, because the evolution in their bodies reminds them that the hard times might be just around the corner, lay in some fat now.
I know people who have inherited all these things. I hear again and again from older people – what do we do with this ?- our children don’t want these things? – they are bewildered. My generation and the one that follows me has slimmed right down, we have not reverted to a trunk and a rocking chair and a saddle bag but we de-clutter, we try not to be held hostage to Things, refusing to believe that the spirits of our ancestors live in the collections of a hundred match boxes, or sea-shells, or cabbage shredders or gilt frames without pictures, or scrap books or old bed-heads, or china, or silver. Or even land and houses. We want to be freer- this is an old need, the need to go walkabout, to move, to be able to count what we have and what we own. To know where it is all sitting. To lighten up. All this ‘stuff’ hangs on us like a weight. It is it’s own fear. We become unhappy stewards. Holding onto it for the next generation who wants no part of it.
And that is good, isn’t it? That is not a rhetorical question so it deserves a question mark.
Of course it is the stories we should be collecting, the history, the names, and begats. And writing them down for the children. There is just too much ‘stuff’ to keep up with. Too many things now, too much. It dilutes the pure magic of an old photograph where you can point to every soul and name them for the children who sit upon your knee. Then turn that photo over and double check you are right because your grandmother wrote it down for you in fading blunt pencil on the back of the frame.
We have so much now. So many decorations. What really is important to you. What is really important for the next generation of children.
Have possessions taken the place of the old stories? Am I right though? Or disconnected. Or is it only me who feels this? Do people put less emphasis on the old things now? Or are they just buying quickly and discarding faster. Throwing things into a rubbish pile that if we were forced to keep in our own backyards would reach higher than our houses. Because nothing lasts now, most of it disposable. Maybe we should be holding on to the old stuff because soon there will be no stuff at all. That is another thought. No stuff. Not even printed photographs. Or cups with matching saucers.
I came to America with two suitcases and should my circumstances change I believe I could leave with two. I would take some books, (one of which would be my current read) my mothers paintings, my heart painting, two silver and crystal perfume bottles that belonged to my grandmother. My father’s Leica, my current camera, four cups, (two new, two old all handmade) the rare photo of all my children and I together in one place, the photo of John and I when we were 17 – the old ceramic mixing bowl that belonged to John’s grandmother, my rings, my bangles and my copper pots, and a contact sheet print that I photographed as a child with my fathers camera and printed myself, that details my entire family at a picnic on a summer day in Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand – I must have been ten or thereabouts and I have carried that print from country to country all my life since.
That is all I need. My footprints would not be too deep with that as my load. The rest must remain in the stories.
It has always been this way with me. This need to shed. Often I go travelling with two suitcases and when I come home I have packed one of the suitcases into the other – I have shed that much as I travel. Stuff lightens and floats away.
In Nineteen days I will pack my suitcases with parcels and gifts and go a’travelling again. This time to Australia and New Zealand. I will take you with me – my favourite travelling companions.
So keep your fingers crossed that the weather stays settled like this for a while longer.
I hope you have a lovely day.
celi
The book I have just finished: Thirteen Moons – Charles Frazier.
Movie I watched last night: Babettes Feast (and not for the first time).
The Kitchen's Garden 
77 responses to “The Clutter Goes”
Stuff, my mother has lots of stuff – and each item has a memory to it for her. Some for me, but mostly her. I know of the enamel little kettle that her mother would warm syrup in and put on the table for breakfast to be used with toast. I know of the crockery bowl that was brought to my fathers mother with an elixir in it after she almost died of child birth. They story goes it was a mixture of sorghum, kerosene and cod liver oil. Used for both TOPICAL and ingesting. There are a couple of other pieces that are our memories shared. These are the ‘things’ I want to keep. The others – well, they don’t mean much to me.
As for me and my stuff – with no children nor syblings I have no one for hand-me-downs of history mine or my parents. Seems sad, it all seems sad right now.
Pat, you were in my thoughts as I went about my chores today. A candle flickering brightly on my kitchen windowsill was to keep you and your mother in mind. As I prepare to settle down for the night, I pray this night/day will be an easy one.
Thank you. The doctors decided to go forward with the feeding tube late yesterday. So, there now is a glimmer of hope where there was none for quite a long time. She will never be where she can eat and swallow more than an ice chip, but the doctor thinks with a feed tube we will have months vs days now. Mom was coherent and agreed on her own to the procedure, so now we wait some more. She also knows eventually cancer will win out though.
More time for you to come to terms with the final farewell. Each day is precious and with a little more nourishment, hopefully the time ahead will be less stressful for you both. You are a good daughter, being there for your mum is very important. Stay strong. Hugs, GM.
You hit the nail right on the head! This is how I try to live my life. Less is really more:)
I really appreciate your heartfelt thoughts. The things you speak of are part of the discussion Melanie and I have at times. She tends to not acquire stuff and easily moves things out when they aren’t used or get old. Jokingly, I tease her about getting rid of me as I am several years older. She says ‘no’.
I like to do genealogy for my family records. It is exciting to find a past relative who kept some special items, letters, books, etc. They give a sense of connection and continuity between me and them. I wonder if some descendant of mine will discover my stash of treasures and feel the same.
Thanks for your post today. It was a thought provoking read.
Jim is right. I don’t have emotional attachment to most “stuff,” and for what I do, I could rationalize getting rid of it, too. I often daydream about living in a much smaller space, with much less. Now is not the time, but we will, I am sure. For now, for later, as long as I am with Jim, I have enough.
Things are just things, and in my world they are sorted over, kept if routinely used, and the rest go away – to children if they want, but usually donated or sold at yard sales. With one small box of momentos, which the children have looked over for many years and likely don’t care about anymore, I could easily be very portable if needed, as all the rest just doesn’t matter. I do need to do something about the photos, and I love that idea of finding the names on the back side in the old family pictures, and then I think those can be offered to the children as well. I had to participate in the go through and clean out of 4 collections from family members. I have never wanted my kids to have to do this. I’d rather they had what they want now and the rest can go to someone who needs the odd extra frying pan or set of towels.
Wow, that’s brilliant. I’m impressed and inspired. I think I could also leave with just two suitcases: one crammed with photos and the other crammed with books and maybe a chance of undies….but then there would be a crate of paintings and art supplies; some of which came from my late aunt. So my footprint would possibly be a bit heavier. But it’s nice to realise I could leave with the clothes on my back and leave all the pretties, the crystal, the decoration, the dishes behind. Oh, I might need to take my late aunt’s ashes. Couldn’t leave aunty behind. 😀 Now I want to throw everything out!
Until someone else mentioned it I did not realize how much moving around I have done. I like the idea of mobility .but every once in a while I visit someone with a home or things that have defined their existence for generations and I wish for permanence until I realize there is no permanence in this life at all. But there is a freedom in mobility
I know what you mean. I’ve moved a bunch of times in the last 10 years, and it significantly reduces the amount of “stuff” that I haul around. Do I love this enough to move it across town or across the country (again!)? The answer for many things is “no.” I’ve almost never regretted (or even missed) the things I’ve given away.
What a wonderful post! So interesting to read others’ perspectives on this subject! I’m more like you Celi, and My John is more of a hoarder, although he is coming around after being with me again, for 16 years this time. I always have a bag ready for stuff to be passed on to the thrift stores, and put anything I think we can do without in it. Which is actually a lot, because as you asked, “How much do we really need?” After attempting to declutter every year for my Mom, I’ve become very good at it. And now my sister is begging me to come to CA and help her to declutter as well, as I did such a good job the last time I was there. 🙂 The idea of ‘letting go’ of material things, as well as unhealthy emotional and maybe even spiritual cravings, yearning, or connections can be very liberating and lead to a more peaceful, appreciative life.
I adore this post. You’ve got it right, C.
This is so relevant to me right now. Both my parents died in the past year and they never threw anything away. They both grew up in the depression when you didn’t throw away anything that might be useful. I am sorting and throwing and packing stuff up for donations and auction and there is just so much I don’t know what to do with. I want to keep a few things my mother painted but my brothers don’t want anything and who is really going to want the ceramic nativity set from the 70s? But I can’t just throw things like that away and they tell me to put it on the auction, someone will buy it. But it’s overwhelming. And there are boxes and boxes of photographs from their families and our family and no one ever labeled anything so, for the most part, they are just old photos of unknown people. I have much less trouble tossing my own stuff, paring down things that I will actually use or enjoy.
I have done some of my family’s genealogy and I am wondering if perhaps you would be able to find relatives on Ancestry.com (or other such websites) who would want the old pictures as they are part of their family too. Just an idea. I hate the idea of those old pictures lost in history.
That would be so hard. Pictures but no idea who they are of! Maybe there is a place for them, somewhere. I have a lot of old photos too, but my grandfather meticulously labelled them all. Which almost makes it worse, as I now live 3,000 miles from anyone else who would care. I wish I could help you sort it, truly – and maybe you can find some other stranger like me who might want to help? Ask at the supermarket, the library, the dentist even. Ah, just an idea – I’d be too shy to do that myself 🙂
I don’t want to see the pictures just disappear either. I can identify a couple of them but we have pretty much no extended family – at least not that we’ve ever known. I’m considering ancestry.com though I had no luck with them years ago when I tried. I was also considering the Mormons- don’t they have huge genealogical records?
I hate to sound heartless, but I think that perhaps you must resign yourself to just letting them go, actually throwing them away, or maybe giving them to a school or art studio where they could be used for art projects, or collages. When my Mom passed it took all 4 of her children 2 weeks to just go through her stuff and take what we wanted. She hadn’t let anything go for 45 years! Then we hired a company to have an estate sale and get rid of with the remaining things. She was a photographer, and always had two copies made of just about every picture she took. And she had albums and albums of photographs. We went through them together, laughed and remembered, and then took only the photos meaningful to each of us. After all, the most wonderful, powerful memories live within us anyway. I wish you luck dealing with all of the photos and other things. I know it is difficult.
Well, at least I am having no problem tossing the flowers and clouds! And I will keep some of the baby photos of the three of us, but not all. It’s really the old ones that I feel are such a shame to just throw away but since I can only identify a couple people, chances are you’re right.
I have photos from my dad’s cousin, a small suitcase of them, along with postcards from the early 1900’s. Many are labelled with names, many are not. Everyone in those photos is gone (or almost everyone). I have to go through them and choose the ones that I know the people, the rest I think I will send to the museum in the area that most of the photos were taken. I’ll send a letter explaining what I know and they can go from there. Most museums have archives, perhaps these photos will fill in some blanks in their local timeline. Good luck.
Chris S in Canada
A museum is a good idea! c
Yes, it dawned on me last night that the local military museum may want his photographs of when he was stationed in Korea. That’s a small subset but at least someone may actually *want* them.
You are absolutely right- things begin to own us- I have been passing treasures on along with stories to those family and friends that want them and have time to listen.
Have a lovely day and I look forward to traveling along with you!
I am the youngest of 8 children whose parents grew up in the Depression era. A year or two before my mother passed away, she told me if I had given it to her (or them) and I wanted it to take it then. Even so, there was a lot of stuff to go through after her death. I have no children, so no one to pass down family furniture or “treasures” to other than nieces and nephews. The butternut table that holds my laptop was built by my paternal grandfather in 1938. Can I pack things into 2 suitcases and travel light? Not just yet. Could I do so in the future? Perhaps. As others have said, food for thought, perhaps it is time to take some pictures and write the history of some items for those nieces and nephews.
There’s four of us living in a 1000 square foot/built in 1949 cottage here. No room for clutter of any kind. When something new comes in, something old has to go out. I must say I tend to be a little smug about this – I think the trend towards increasingly large houses in California is ridiculous (and I’m glad for the new trend of tiny houses though that’s a little extreme too) – really, how about we just live modestly? I think that’s the real key, and it goes hand in hand with living within one’s means. Another thing Californians aren’t too good at (in general). Anyway, I adore our little house and I like living sparsely.
What an interesting post. I have most probably got too much, certainly in the clothes department. I think it’s all the old photos that would weigh me down. At least two suitcases worth of albums and loose pictures, but I couldn’t throw those away.
I have read both Marie Kondo books and just did the annual winter decluttering/tidying fiesta. Eight full bags and some furniture hauled to goodwill last week. It feels so good! Your writing is the best I have ever read explaining why our parents and grandparents gathered stuff. In my family mama’s sidd were city people and kept china, silver. Papa’s family were farmers and kept handmade lace, linens and practical things with a few sentimental things. Over the years we have sorted and kept only the things we love and given asay the rest. The holiday table is always set. with one grandmother’s sterling flatware and use the other grandmother’s hand crocheted lacy tablecloth.
Hi, my name is Donna, and I am a hoarder. Well I am on the road to recovery, but it’s tough. I find I’m able to get rid of stuff by thinking- someone will like to read, wear, use, look at this. So I’m trying very diligently to keep a little empty space in my cupboards. I still have major projects planned for when I return home. Good luck in your de cluttering, you are inspiring!
Hi Donna – I was glad to see someone else who admits it. I save things thinking I will have a use for it later – an art project, fixing something broken – but keeping track mentally of where I have put things is a challenge. And I HATE not being able to find that one bit of whatever I need!
It doesn’t help that I’m the returned products person at my job – so again today I brought home a bag of random stuff. And the bag! It’s a nice bag… Oh dear.
Yes, it helps to have ruthless friends who come in every once in while to give you a push.
I need a few of those type of friends!