Yesterday our warm spell began to bleed away. The warmth bled out of the landscape.
There is a cold spell coming and it will last until I leave here. We will be below freezing for a week. Fair enough. I am off to the Southern Hemisphere in a week where it is warm. I can deal with the cold for a week. And it is rising again as I leave so hopefully John and Jake will not have too hard a time of it. When it freezes we carry water in buckets again. And a week of that will be good for me!
I am at that stage now (I always do this before I go away) where I am unduly careful. I live in horror of stabbing myself in the eye with a flying knife as I open a bag of feed, or falling off the top of the rickety barn ladder onto the cold barn floor below or being kicked across the quad by a cow. Or an ice storm or poltergeist visit or a tornado. Or a massive storm that prevents me getting to the airport. Or someone has a heart attack or a brain tumour or a car accident. Well, you get the picture. I am now plagued with terror that I will not reach my children. That something will stop me from seeing them and touching them. And sit with them for a while. I am that close.
This fear does not relax until I am at the Gate for my last flight. And there are four flights before I reach my daughter. As I travel which takes a couple of days I will slide down into the bubble zone where I move calmly and gently with no sudden movements or risky cornering, gliding through almost without speaking – just watching, just reading, almost absent, no influence on my surroundings at all, no risk of breaking the bubble, no deviating from my course, total low energy mode – like this I will travel the almost 10,000 miles (15,000 k) to Melbourne.
But when I reach that arrival lounge at my destination I snap awake like a Christmas cracker. Bam. Ready to go.
But not for a week. We have seven days.
(I have to resist this Bubble Zone descending upon me until I get into the car that will take me to the Chicago Airport. Packing when in the bubble zone is never that successful).
I hope you have a lovely day.
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
63 responses to “Bleeding Warmth”
Oh sweet friend. My mom goes through this same thing. Hogs and snout kisses. I can’t wait to hear about your ventures from down under – one of my favorite places 🙂 XOXO – Bacon
I do not think I’ve ever been in a “bubble zone”. Living in chaos much of my life, I learned to find places around me (earth and soil) to keep grounded as best I could, and then happily escape to wherever it was I planned to go when it was time. But that may be the life of a woman (me) who has few attachments to anything – I can certainly understand yearning to see children who live such a great distance – for it is an opportunity that does not happen often and you wouldn’t want anything to spoil it. Try to find a way to “ground” yourself – literally. Walk with Sheila today, sip tea in the warmth of the sun, or lay in a pile of leaves (if you have any!) and just “be”. Just a few minutes of connecting with nature helps me shed worry.
Safe travels, and in the meantime, may the days be happily productive and full of whimsically delightful surprises. That’ll make the time pass quickly.
xoxo!
Kath
I have an open suitcase and throw things in and then a couple of days before takeoff, take half the stuff away. I had that fear of falling on the rough streets before the wedding. All normal. A long trip but such a nice reward at the end of your travels. Best of luck!
The last major trip I took, I was so filled with dread and anxiety, I made myself calm down by taking a walk down the alley (which is where I always walk–usually with a dog I’m sitting for). What happened? I dropped my keys to the house, car. Never heard them fall. When I got home, I was frantic.
In the end, a neighbor found them and called the police. The police saw a membership tag on the key ring to Binny’s (a liquor store) and got my address from them. The police came to the house bringing the keys. We all had a good laugh about Binny’s, my “connection”.
Stay safe and well this week – I am sending you a big protective hug!
travelin mercies; I always have camp dread; the worse it is the better the visit; go figure; have a glorious time
I love the description of your bubble zone. You slip through the miles quietly and unobtrusively, like a trout through a stream, present but not part of the stream. Your Farmy Friends will send wishes to cushion you from the lumps and bumps of travel. All will be peaceful. You will fly like an arrow to your children. Soon, soon!
Now, adding some practicalities to Kate’s usual fantastic writing! You won’t travel into ‘heat’ it seems – have just looked up Melbourne Met and the next 14 days at least ‘steady as she goes’ pleasant; about 10 – 12 C in the mornings and low 20s thru’ the day – cloudy at times but no rain forecast for that period. Don’t know whether you have been to Melbourne before: we pride it being our most cosmopolitan city re food and style . . . supposedly it is the most ‘liveable’ city on the planet 🙂 ! A lot of intellectual happenings there in your time [how long?]. Am SO excited for you . . . . luv and hugs . . .
No Eha, i have never been to melbourne, Sydney yes, Canberra Yes but never Melbourne – the 20’s sounds very pleasant. No rain is great! thank you!! c
To my mind ’tis ‘world sophisticated’ . . . . well, the ‘farmy’ is a most sophisticated example therof 🙂 ! Somehow, given time and place, methinks you will know why darling Sophie would not live elsewhere!!!!
My bubble awaits. Just today my nephew got his vacation approved and made his flight reservations. All systems are go. And as I typed that last sentence, I glanced to make sure my passport is where it should be. How many times have you checked yours? 🙂
We knew the “warm” weather could only last for so long. Better the cold come now, well into February, than at Thanksgiving and stay with us. Besides, it will make your departure for warmer climes that much more sweet.
Oh, we DO remember you being a ‘wedding whisperer’ re a passport or two !!!!
I can’t help but smile when I think of that send-off and I bet that neither of us will ever lose track of a
passport again. 🙂
You take care .. Soon to be with your daughter, I’m excited for you lovely lady 😃
Be safe….and bon voyage:)
Incoming grey skies do seem to suck any warmth.
Had to laugh about your caution. I’m that way, too. Once I broke a toe the day before rushing around packing (Dad said to always to wear shoes to avoid that when you get to a certain age HA HA) Hobble off anyway. Another time I dropped a glass bottle and badly cut my ankle the day before…hobbled off with lots of bandages. I worry until i’m seated at the gate – then it’s wonderful…even if there’s plane changes. Pack with care – and wear tough shoes until you leave! Count down starting.
I so understand this cautious, Touch Wood, kind of dread. I’m getting ready for a cross-country car trip on my own at the end of March, and I’m becoming hypervigilant and paranoid. Keep breathing, sister.
step lively and carefully . You will have a wonderful time with your children! Yes you will!