Tane the Terrible

I got distracted. That’s all I can say in my defense.  I came out of the field and put the bucket down, why I do not know. I always take the eggs straight to the kitchen.  But yesterday the eggs were left in a bucket at the gate.  Fifteen eggs, the afternoons haul. I set them down and was going to pick them back up but there you are. Some people have called me Organic. Some Whimsical. Me: I am moving towards Airhead – though I prefer whimsical.

So I left the eggs in the bucket by the gate and soon after I let Tane out.

Much later I came out of the barn and this is what I saw. For the record Tane is pronounced Tahnay.

Miss C: No Tane.  Tane!  Get your head out of that bucket. 

Tane:  No.  (muffled due to head being IN said bucket).

Miss C:  Tane, get your head OUT of that bucket.

Tane: NO!

Tane. Get your head out of  the bucket right this minute. Or no carrots for supper.

Tane: What are you blabbering  on about woman?! I can’t hear a word you are saying. My head was in a bucket!

Miss C: Oh No,  Tane. Don’t eat all my eggs.

Tane: Can’t hear you again.

Miss C.  No. Tane, get our head out of my bucket.  Right this minute.

Tane: What?! Miss C I have tooth ache. My tusks are growing. Leave me alone with my eggs for just a minute. 

Miss C: Don’t make me come over there.

Tane: Still can’t hear you.

Miss C: TANE!

Tane: What? If I take my head out of this bucket some other bastard will put his head in.

Miss c – Language Tane. There are children reading.  

Tane. Oh, I feel a bit sick.

Tane: Hey, BumBum no looking at my eggs.  

Tane: The dog is staring. Miss C tell BooBoo, the dog of undetermined parentage, to stop staring at my bucket!

Tane:  Bloody dog.

Tane: See? SEE.  I turn my back for a second!!

Tane: What did I tell you. Now BooBoo the BumBum is eating my dinner. That’s what I get! First you hide my woman now you give my dinner to the dogs! What is a boar to do!

Miss C:  You call him BooBoo the BumBum? Really?

Tane: Yes. Have you seen the size of his arse?  Fine,  let him lick the bowl. I only left him a few shells anyway. Ugly, smelly-bottom dog.

Tane: (to screen in a suddenly sweet voice)  Good morning Fellows and Fellasses. I hope you all have a lovely day.

Love Tane

PS. This afternoon I am driving up to the airport to collect a young man who is flying all the way from Basque, Spain to work here on the farm for a month. More on that tomorrow. love, love, c

Miss C: Tane, you have egg on your face.

Tane  (over his shoulder as he saunters out to the field): Details.