I have spent much of the last four days in airports and planes and cars, (mercy America is a big country) helping out John’s Mum who needed assistance to come back home to Illinois from California after a fall.
Due to hold ups and time changes I feel like most of that travel was in a state of sleeplessness and I arrived home on Sunday shattered. Yesterday was a very physical, hard day getting the barn cleaned up after my absence and getting the pigs up to date. The nicest part was working with John’s mum getting her settled back in her own home.
At the farm: fences had failed and gates had been broken, waters had been depleted and it had been wet the whole time I was away so there was mud tracked all through the house from the dogs and someone’s boots so even the clean up in the house took ages. All the animals had been fed and watered with buckets so all was well in that department. They were ok. And the hard labour was a good thing after all that stuffy flying and hotels and travel. It is tangible and satisfying to work hard.
Also, another section of John’s family is on their way to live here too, and will arrive in a few days, a very young little family in trouble so there is much to do to prepare for their arrival. The poverty line is a dangerous place in the United States and the boy is right to come home. But this arrival brings difficulty and troubles and anxiety that are not my own, nor of my making and out of my control.
I have lots of food in the freezer though so no-one will go hungry.
But I don’t really want to write about John’s family here in my farm journal – this blog is about the farm.
But all these things are clamouring for attention. Re-settling John’s Mum and dealing with the rehab from her fall will be the easiest to assimilate into my routine.
Dealing with the family dynamics of your spouses broken home is more difficult. Tension and unrest are building. Anyway – that is not your business. Nor mine actually. Our business together is the farm and we will remain focused on that.
But this is how I feel. (See LOUD bellowing calf below).
And that is OK. No-one has to be feeling good or even doing particularly well all the time. In fact no one person can. We are all a little broken. All a little damaged. The body is made up of soft tissue and soft emotions. Humans are incredibly badly designed actually – with a self-destruct button very close to the surface. Some people are more broken than others and more susceptible to causing breaks than others and as they slowly self-destruct the shrapnel burrows into the organisms who are close by. Some seek to break people on purpose, some damage others by mistake and never notice. We must all be gentle, gentle and as forgiving of them as we can. But, be sensible, build a good shield and wear a life jacket. 
Kindness is prized. But forgiveness and mercy and kindness are not the easiest path by any means. Put your own oxygen mask on before seeking to help others.
I warned you last week that I may not be able to blog every day over this period. Please heed this and don’t be worried. Being pressured to blog defeats its purpose.
I have a lot to do at the moment, though I will not speak of any of this family stuff again nor discuss it in comments.This is a farm journal. A farm blog. Our safe place. And in a month it will be a travel blog. That is something to look forward to.
Today after other chores I am going to try and fix these gates. Gates are not my best. Tima that fattie broke one of them, it was her interior door, and so late yesterday afternoon, that I had to leave her and Tane out in the tin shed for the night. So that is the one I will fix first.
Then I will have to work on picking a pig house up with the tractor and getting it through the mud and into the vegetable garden for Molly. Her babies have to be weaned and I am still waiting on another gate being fixed over at the West barn so I can shift Poppy over there and put Molly in with Sheila. (Plans within plans within plans) But that is one gate I cannot fix myself. So Molly will need to go into temporary quarters away from her babies.
I hope you have a lovely day.
Celi
WEATHER: Strong Nor’west winds – moving swiftly down past freezing.
Tuesday 11/21 10% / 0 inA mix of clouds and sun in the morning followed by cloudy skies during the afternoon. Morning high of 45F with temps falling to near freezing. Winds WNW at 15 to 25 mph. Winds could occasionally gust over 40 mph.
Tuesday Night 11/21 0% / 0 inClear skies. Low 23F. Winds NW at 10 to 15 mph.
The Kitchen's Garden 
74 responses to “Solemn Cows”
It has occurred to me in the past and just recently, as a member of the G.O.’s family deals with their own life experiences, that our early lives and collection of experiences give us useful skills & perspectives to be part of the support team.
What makes it interesting is being the generation in the middle, caring at the same time for those who were once the support team for ourselves.
All this happens regardless of the other focus/es of our lives, what we blog about, whether we blog, or not. Life goes on, and on. Take care ♡
Little treasure pebbles of knowledge we pick up and stow as we grow – useful to pull out and use later in life – yes I do agree
Good luck with all your assorted work. I feel like Inky looks sometimes as well. best wishes for the coming months.
Isn’t Inky getting big – she is developing a beefy double chin too!
Eleanor Roosevelt said that women are like tea0bags, they get stronger in hot water… or something like that !!!
Sending love and strong thoughts to you from NZ … go well…
That makes perfect sense to me! Hullo there Valerie..
Oh my, all that flying to and fro, you must be wiped. I always find that the return to my routine goes a long way in helping me settle. Maggie O’C, I like the term ‘compassion fatigue’ I believe I’m ailing from that right now! Families are fraught with joys AND challenges. When the challenges are winning all you can do is help as best you can and try to avoid doing harm while still caring for you and yours. I’m sure a nice chat with Sheila will help keep things sorted! Or you can just go to the ‘back 40’ and bellow like Inky.
Doing no harm is a good resolution to live by … c
So good to be back and offer comments; missed doing that; i have had wild two months. C, i love your wisdom and your writing; homelessness is desperate nowadays; i will say prayers for the situation; i just had to quit my job teaching writing to homeless women; noble souls; i love them. I go through my kidney crisis and don’t have cancer, and then two weeks later or October 21 to be exact; i tripped over something and fell, gettng up with a broken pelvis in one place and a hair line fracture in another; it has been a saga of pain and warm hearts reaching out to house me; i said to a friend i am receiving many slivered miracles; i am now in my town again, but at a friends and it is very comfortable. i have to sleep in a recliner; it takes a good full 3 months to heal, and i am learning to slow down, to heal, to be mindful, and i tend to move in the fast stream and give my all to everyone; new concept putting self care before other matters; and so it is; life continually unfolds and during these times i find vulnerability rises up when i am alone and in my room but then i go out and am filled with joy, despite these troubled time, and am filled by the end of the day by all the loving exchanges which occurred in just chugging around my town. i can’t walk well; so indoors now stay wonderful everyone e
Merciful heavens Esther – you have gone through the wringer – and still as wonderful as ever. My sister broke her pelvis once and that was a long recovery (in my spare bedroom), so I do sympathise. Take good care and thank goodness for recliners – that must be so helpful. Vulnerable – a word we need to unpack. Talk soon… c
Indeed, we are all doing the best we can. Some days, it has to be said, that is better than others. Perhaps this does not extend to the animals – Tima is doing her worst to knock down all of the barriers meant to keep her safe! Wishing you all good things.
Living in the moment, free of worry, has to be the greatest advantage to being an animal – morning sarah. c
Dear C. Such insightful, wise words and feelings when you probably just want to do like Inky is doing in the last photo! BELLOW! I have no doubt that the Farmy will work it’s magic to help heal whatever traumas are coming it’s way. Look at Wai Wai…look at the Cadet…look at all the other souls that have been in it’s (your) care…
You’re right..all you can do is is feed everyone right now and in turn you will be feeding their souls…Just be sure to tighten that life jacket and wear that lippy!
Wishing you all the best Ceci for the holidays as you work through family crises with lovingkindness! I enjoy your blog.
There is something eternal about a cow up close. Life itself–patient, peaceful–right there before your eyes. And then, lying down in a field together looking out, they seem so confident in each other and in the day itself; everything just fine just the way it is.
Oh Celi … such a busy person and so kind to others. I love the pic of your bellowing calf .. understand completely. Hugs