I try so hard to allow myself to feel the contentment of what is in my moment. To lie in the damp sunlight and chew my cud. To wander from patch to patch lazily searching out green. Instead, I endlessly worry about things that have not even happened yet. Committing solution scenarios to memory. Looking for problems that have not even happened. Caught in that circular earworm of list-anxiety, a mute, unformed sense of dread for nought, that splintering unease that spirals, exhausted shadows at my feet. An animal reacts instantly to any one of these by freezing then listening or running. Us poor stupid humans have to worry at the trouble notion, caught, we are a dog unhappily gnawing on an impossible to hold nasty-coloured, chew-toy, laid there by the open door.
But this morning I awoke with no worries and decided to stay in that lovely benign forgetful moment for as long as I could. For once I am on top of my list. There is nothing ahead of me that I cannot handle. With my latest airbnb guests tucked up in bed asleep, Our John finally back at work, and the rain falling gently into an undawning dawn I feel a certain contentment for the moment.
The three hogs have sold which will give the farmy funds to buy another round of hay (if I can find more) and pay for a ton of feed and seed for the next round of pigs that should arrive this week. (I am buying four for Jakes). I have a plan for that new field. My new trailer seems sturdy for its journey this coming Monday. And the grass is turning even greener.
The sprouts are sprouting.
Poppy is beginning to drop. (That fifth leg is “you know who”).
I am selling seventeen dozen eggs a week.
And I am trying not to worry about the next dip in temperatures. A little anxiety is normal. Not to worry about a little worry. It is that time of year. Maybe the pasture will continue to grow? Maybe summer will eventually come.
I hope you have a lovely day.
WEATHER: Cold and wet and probably windy.
Thursday 03/29 100% / 0.04 in
Cloudy. Periods of rain this morning. High near 50F. Winds NNE at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 100%.
Thursday Night 03/29 10% / 0 in
Cloudy. Low 31F. Winds N at 10 to 15 mph.
6:41 am 7:14 pm
Waxing Gibbous, 95% visible 5:22 pm 5:54 am