Don’t yell at me about being on a Diet & Parmesan Crackers

I know dieting is a bad word. I know that we say to ourselves- I should be able to eat what I like. I am allowed to enjoy myself. Being overweight is not a bad thing. But you have to qualify what is overweight. You see I believe in being my natural weight. And my natural weight does not do well without attention. We need to tend to our bodies. Maintain our health. And this should NOT be a dirty word. We look after our dogs and make sure they have plenty of exercise and do not get too fat!

I know this is a taboo subject. I have an inner battle over this page and it sounds a bit like this. (Hey did you check out my breakfast.. sshh)

-She said the fat word she said the fat word!

-I am your conscience I can say whatever i like.

-Really? Is that in the rules I can’t remember reading that.

-And you are always going on about living a sustainable lifestyle. And just going out and buying another pair of cheap jeans that are made offshore just because you are  too fat to fit your good ones is not responsible living!  A responsible sustainable lifestyle means wearing your clothes until they wear out then repurposing them.  Turn them into rags or ties for  apple trees. Instead of leaving them to clutter up the trouser shelves and  running out to buy another pair, not to mention supporting the off shore sweat shops.  You have to wear that pair of jeans until it is ready for the rag bag. No throwing them away because you are too fat to wear them.

-I know but…

-No buts

-Well, what if..

-No ifs and buts (i don’ t believe you made me say that!)

-I just want to be able to fit my favourite clothes.

-Well you need to get back to your natural weight.

-What if this is my natural weight.

-You have been having too many cold beers after work on the verandah and eating crostini or toast at practically every meal and what about those fried breakfasts.  And your portions are bigger than ever.  No more seconds. And I shudder to think of it –  The fried chicken from the little place down the road. What about some fruit for goodness sake. Your jeans are so tight you have to lie on the floor to zip them up!

-I like fruit

-But you don’t eat it unless it is in pastry!

-Don’t tell people that. They think I am a healthy eater. I eat organic stuff, I grow my own veges. I grow my own grass fed meat. Anyway there is fruit in my wine.

-And then you fry them

-You can fry wine?

-No, the vegetables, you fry them.

-Well technically potatoes are not a vegetable.

-I rest my case. So are you going to that wedding or not?

-What wedding?

-You know perfectly well what wedding, your brother in laws wedding. Do you want to be the fattie at their wedding?

-Well  there might be other fatties at the wedding, we could start a club.

-Are you paying attention? You are going on the Celi Diet.

-Can I whine?

-No you can’t.

-Oh, well OK then.

– And no more just sauntering around the fences with the dogs and calling it a walk !  From now On walk a MILES, twice a day, fast. 

-But what about my writing? I am writing a book. I don’t have time.

-Get up earlier.

-But it might be cold.

-And get those weights out from under the desk. 

-There are weights under my desk?

-While you are waiting for the computer to load, instead of staring dumbly at a blank screen you can do some weight work. Make your muscles work with low impact reps. 

-What do you know about reps?

-Do I have to repeat myself?

-I thought you were leaving.

-Sigh

SO apparently I need to have a wee tone up of the body. SO go back on the Celi Diet for a little while. But you know there is NO POINT in dieting. For your body to reach its natural weight and stay there we must tweak my eating and  my exercise, and then  create a life style that works for me and stick with it. (sigh) If I cannot control my own body what can I control? (such a bore)

I will  tell you about the Celi Diet.

No processed food ever.  If I cannot recognise it, I should not eat it. And reduce my portions to the size my fist. Eat little bits often. Drink PILES of water. Brush teeth three times a day. (No-one likes to eat with clean toothpasty teeth)

For the first 14 days I will do the Celi Diet.   It is hard but after the first 14 days we go onto the Celi Body Maintenance  Program (CBMP). But first The Celi Diet:

• No flour
• No sugar
• No roots
• No rice

See, I told you that you would hate it but it does work. I have helped many people do it and it does work. So in preparation gather  all the Dirty Temptation Food, like crisps, nachos, and crackers, cheetos, store bought cookies, frozen pizzas –  throw them out! Get them out of your kitchen. Purge the Pantry. Only Clean Food may remain. This is only for 14 days, the body maintenance program  is much more fun but I need to get a head start using the Celi Diet.  And if the bad stuff is in there I will smell it out! So hide it from me.

Temptation is a terrible thing and I am addicted to bacon butties. The only way to overcome the addiction is to remove the bread from the house. Feed it all to the chickens.  And the toaster. Out with the toaster! Flour is glue. It must be used sparingly. Given half a chance I will eat bread for every snack and at mealtimes. Fine if it is only a slice but not me. I eat until I  cannot eat anymore.

-I am afraid potatoes are the same. They aren’t even a vegetable. Off with their heads!

-Whine.

-I heard that!

So I will eat little bits, often. This works for me. I remind myself that hunger is sometimes plain old greed and lack of discipline.  Off with its head.

Snacks: seeds, nuts, cheeses, fresh fruit, dried fruit, cold meats, parmesan crackers.

Drinks: water, tea, coffee, dry champagne, or wine (well it is the Celi Diet!) but only 2 glasses! No diet drinks I am afraid that fake sugar is worse than real sugar.  No diet products at all, they are all processed. No processed food!

Parmesan crackers:

• heat oven to 300F .
• Place spoonfuls of grated parmesan cheese on greased baking sheet. Cook 5 or 6 minutes, and carefully transfer to rack with a sharp spatula to cool.

All Celi Diet Food is very simple. So for the next fourteen days all the food you will see on my pages will be Celi Diet food. And plenty of what you all cook fits so nicely into my Diet that I will be trolling your pages for ideas too.

If you want to join me, do the doc check, and jump in.  Don’t say I am watching my weight say I’m watching my Body! Remember it is OK to be responsible about our bodies.  Don’t let people get you down.

OK I am off  to stock the cupboard with Celi Diet food.  Actually it is quite a tasty diet. Tomorrow we will make the muesli.

No weighing. It is all about wearing the favourite jeans remember. Once my clothes fit comfortably and I have the body size that i am happy with, then onto maintenance. But in the meantime!

•  No Flour
•  No Sugar
•  No Rice
•  No Roots

Look I am getting smaller already

c