I had a discussion in the barn last night about the cockfights in the farmyard.
…
Miss C: Peghorn. Have you been fighting with other roosters? Have you looked at your face lately?
Peghorn: There is nothing wrong with my face. I have a pretty face.
Miss C: You have bite marks.
Peghorn: No Miss C, they are pimples. I am growing up.
Miss C: They are bite marks. You have been fighting with the other roosters!
Peghorn: I never did!
Son of Neanderthol Man : (from the rafters above) He starts it!
Miss C : Is that you Son of Neanderthol Man?
Son of Neanderthol Man: He started it. I was just minding my own business, Looking after my hens.
Miss C: Who is that up there with you?
Son of Neanderthol Man: Up there in the top of the barn?. That’s my son. 
Miss C. Great. Another one! Where have you been hiding him? What is his name then? I am not calling him the Son of the Son of Neanderthol man. That is too long to call.
Son of Neanderthol Man: His name is Bob.
Peghorn (in a scoffy voice) Bob!
Peghorn: Anyway I did not pick a fight with you or your stupid son. I was just looking at the garden. Minding my own bleedin business and you jumped me!
Hairy: Huh. In a pigs eye. (rumbled with a mouth full)
Miss C: Wait. Who is that? Is that you Hairy McLairy?
Hairy: Yup (munch munch).
Miss C: What are you doing in there, that is Mama’s feed. What on earth are you doing in the Mothers Pen? You should be in the Black Hole of Calcutta! That is your pen.
Hairy: I broke down the gate.
Miss C: You broke down John’s gate.
Two Random Hens: He lies, he lies – He broke down two gates!! We told him there would be trouble!
Hairy: Who said that?
Two Random Hens: We saw you – You broke down two gates.
Hairy: Say that again and I will get Miss C to take you to the Bantam Swap Meet!
Two random Hens: We are not bantams! What a horrible thing to say! You are so rude! 
Senior Wife: You two go to bed and stop causing trouble!
Miss C: For goodness sake. Stop that cackling up there. Hairy, you broke down two gates?
Hairy: Is there an echo in here?
Miss C: (becoming ever so slightly exasperated) I will be coming back to you in the morning. Just you wait there, Hairy MacLairy.
Hairy: Whatever.
Miss C: I heard that. (turns back to recalcitrant rooster).Now, Peghorn, you have to stop the fighting. Are you listening to me? Look at me when I am talking to you Peghorn.
Peghorn: Hey Little Chick. Did you hear something?
Miss C: Peghorn I need to discuss the cock fighting with you.
Peghorn: Funny I thought I heard something.
Little Chick: (in a chicken panic) It wasn’t me! I never broke it! I didn’t even know you had one! I never did nothing! I was just stood here like a good little chick!
Miss C: You never did anything. You never did nothing is a double negative.
Little Chick: Yeah, yeah I never did that neither. Peghorn get back here.
Miss C: Alright! Everyone go to bed right this minute, one peep out of any of you and off to the Pigeon and Bantam swap meet with you. We shall discuss this in the morning!
Miss C: Off to bed for you too, Mia.
Mia: (moaning) but I can’t go in there. There is a big fat ram in there, I am going to sleep out here tonight! I will watch for fights! I can be your spy.
Miss C: Whatever..
Hairy MaClairy: I heard that!
…..
Good Morning! It is a calm sunny day so far. The sun has risen bright and clear outside my study window. I am off to feed out. I will be taking the broom though as I find it very effective for breaking up fights. Something will have to be done you know! You all have a great day.
celi
The Kitchen's Garden 
88 responses to “Something has to be done about the fighting”
The Bantam Swap Meet!
Yes, I might go down and have a look! There may be peacocks! c
So funny! I picture you standing amidst the creatures, speaking out loud as you imagine the conversation, inspired by the looks on their faces. Perhaps when you walk away they make up a story of their own. It reminds me of a children’s TV show when I was a little girl. It took place in a small European rural village and all the characters were animals, with voice-overs by humans. The main character was a duck by the name of Saturnin, which was the name of the show. He walked about thinking out loud. It was adorable. Here is a clip (the duck comes in at about 1 min and 45 sec.): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz9-ue6PC4g&feature=related
[…] “Something has to be done about the fighting,” casually announces Cecilia of The kitchen’s Garden, or Miss C for her current audience, which happens to consist of roosters, hens and sheep. “I had a discussion in the barn last night about the cockfights in the farmyard,” she begins and they promptly respond. Little Chick: “It wasn’t me! I never broke it! I didn’t even know you had one! I never did nothing!” Miss C: “You never did nothing is a double negative.” Little Chick: “Yeah, yeah I never did that neither…” […]